Unable to commit
I've been having some real trouble implementing anti-procrastination tools into my life. Perhaps I haven't been using the site correctly. Inevitably, whenever I "fall off the wagon" I come here to post in my sorrowful state. After having beat myself up for not getting anything done, I write of my trevails yet the behavior that lead to my missteps to recovery continue.
Last week was a particularly unsuccessful since my boss was out of the office and there was an air of sluffing off all through the office, a cue I was more than willing to join in. But now, the boss is back, and I have reports that need to have been completed that I did practically nothing on while he was away. The backlash will not be good. The real issue here though is not the backlash from my having not completed what I needed to but rather how to really commit to not procrastinating and begin my recovery. It seems to me that thus far I have avoided implementing tools because deep down inside, I know that I actually enjoy procrastinating. Well, I am an addict and so there must be an inherent "pleasure" with procrastinating.
I feel like my problem is seemingly unnsolvable. I continue to struggle with this issue for at least a decade if not more. I am sick of constantly feeling miserable about myself becuase of my procrastination. It is literally the bane of my existence.
I really feel it might help to talk to someone online or over the phone even. I'm obviously feeling pretty down this morning. After this post I need to get to work. I pray to god that I will have the strength to stay committed. I'm not sure how much more struggle I can take.