Fear of failure fear of sucess fear of dissapointment
It is often imformative to think of self discovery as like peeling back layers on an onion.
When I started to look at my procrastination it went somthing like this.
Procrastination -> ill feeling about completing urgent tasks -> Avoidance -> facing fears
At this point I started to face many fears in my life and started investigating my childhood and shooting down fears I had had like ducks in a row.
Did this stop my procrastination, hell no, but it was the most useful procrastination activity I had ever had.
So what was left fear of failure and fear of sucess.
When I started to think about it I realised that fear of sucess is really the same thing as fear of failure we self sabotage ourselves so we won't suceed in order to avoid getting into a position where we are expected to suceed and where we feel the consequences of failure will be worse. In reality the consequences of failure are no worse, they only look worse when seen in a relative way.
I now realise that the real problem in my case is fear of disappointment. I am literally guided by not wanting to dissapoint others. This is where the rebelious aspect of my procrastination comes in, part of me is crying out why should I do what other people want me to do it is my life after all.
After a long time of trying to run away from my responsability for my actions I now realise that people tell me what to do because I have let them, somebody has to make the decisions after all.
Why do I let them?
Because I have never really known what I wanted from life because ironically as a young child I was never allowed to make my own decisions or may be simply because I was weak in not standing up for what I wanted to the point where I lost touch with my own needs.
Whatever the reason I now have to go through a very painful process but I now clearly understand that I must do the following:
1.) Get in touch with my own wants needs and feelings.
2.) Stop looking for the approval of others.
3.) Believe in myself and my abilities and stop procrastinating as a result of lack of faith in myself to do tasks and make decisions.
4.) Change the direction of my life so that I am in control, own my tasks and throw out tha ones which are not applicable to me and stop procrastinating as a way of rebelling against others.
5.) Push myself to achieve my goals and try to give 100% but be very forgiving of myself where I fail.
Each day I am becomming more spiritual and this is the font of my new understanding of myself. This is the only way that I have found that I can start to break free of the box of limited thinking that I had constructed around myself.
I am saying all this to get it off my chest but also because I hope to strike a chord with fellow travellers on this journey.
Some of you will be further along the path than I, others will be behind me but by making the decision to gather together with fellow sufferers we all have made the step of recognising the importance of freeing ourselves from chronic procrastination.
I am proud to say I am a work in progress, because the key word here is PROGRESS.