Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
horrible habit formed
hey
i remember joining this site in 2011 and thinking THIS IS IT..NEVER AGAIN am i going to procras. but here i am , it's nearly 2013 and im still doing the same thing. I can't believe it, i feel like crying as i write this. This habit has becime worse. I've developed really bad chronic ritual type habits like for eg i must buy a book every time i intend to start breaking my procras habit .. so that i can make notes in it or i must buy myself something new to mark the start of my 'new amazing action habit' etc. The worse thing is i'll do this non procras thing, for a week and then drop the whole thing and say damn i cant start till its monday now.I'll then procras and avoid everything till monday and then it'll start again. I've now found that if i cant actually make myself not procras unless it's monday!!! i hate it!
I have so many talents and i use to model..but this effing habit(sorry for swearing) has started to affect my looks, health physically and mentally, it makes me do impulsive things because i hate myself when i think of how much ive procrastinated. It's so hard man. It's like climbing a mountain alone..slipping and then climbing up again for all eternity. I've been told im a talented actor, writer etc...and 'why do you not grab oppurtunities?? ..i don;t know..its like ive become possesed by this habit.
does anyone else understand how it feels? sniff
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I know the feeling
It's like no matter what I say I'll never become motivated enough to get things done. I just waste two days every weekend playing video games and then browsing the web and I'm too tired after work to do anything weekdays. When I'm in school it's even worse. I often just waste entire days on the web or on games on weekdays.
It's been years and I don't know if I'll ever be able to just say to myself "good morning. It's Saturday, I should go take a shower, then eat breakfast, and then after I'm done that I should work on learning that thing for that project that I should be working on"
I like video games and I try my hardest to improve at them. The problem is that society does not value someone who is good at video games. So then I don't value myself if I just play games. I want to learn some web design or coding or computer hardware but that stuff is always so hard to learn.. and I'm ashamed to admit this. It's very boring. I can't get excited about web design.
But there's also the social aspect. I don't talk to my friends at school. I've met some great people at University but it's not like we ever plan anything out anymore. If I meet them in the game online, I'll invite them to play a game. I invited two friends this weekend but they both declined.
When I go on my favorite forums and reddit, I just feel like part of a community. There's other people like me who browse this site and post funny pictures an insights.
All the time I'm looking for some secret to solving this mystery. I'm looking for an AMA of someone who's faced procrastination and beaten it, and the magic pill they took was ***. But I try the pomodoro technique and honestly it doesn't work for me sometimes. Sometimes I just stop doing the pomodoro and I ignore the timer.
I'm so sad. Maybe I should just try to be more social on facebook and stuff.
That was my rant. I just wanted to say that there are others like yourself who are still struggling after years.
I'd like to meet people here, but I don't really talk to my old high school friends any more and no one at my work place will be my age starting a week from now.
Hello Neon
I guess a lot of people here understand (part of) what you feel.
I myself can't count the times i have said i'm starting all over, and this time for real. Only to find myself going back to my old habits after a few days. And meanwhile, life just slips away. looking back at this weekend, I can only say i've wasted all my time online, staring at sites i already know by heart.
Just keep climbing up that hill... You will stay falling and slipping, and it will hurt every time. But you will also be able to climb it faster.
thankyou
..forgot to say thankyou to you last time
re: horrible habit formed
Hi neon,
Yes, I totally understand how it feels ... I'm exactly in the same place. It's gotten so much worse for me that I am facing eviction from my apartment (for procrastinating earning money doing my writing job). The other issue that's related for me is underearning/underbeing for which I attend UA phone meetings.
I'm currently a mess, very depressed and feeling really hopeless. It affects my health and physical looks too because of the lack of real income I can't eat well and the stress shows on me.
I also have many talents, am attractive, and my whole life has gone to waste because of these compulsions. It's very sad.
I currently find the only help is a. my Higher Power b. the PA tools and c. the PA chatbox. You can find me in the chatbox most days/nights as I slave away trying to get my writing done so I can pay my bills.
I hate it too, but the good news is that here we are not alone. Hope to see you in the chatbox or the daily check-in forums.
Lavida
thanks
thanks lavida. im new to this site, so im not sure of how to use those tools etc.
im sorry to here about your state of affairs and pray that it all improves.
i have found this habit has become stronger as ive got older..people dont realise that this habit can be a slow death literally..throughdelaying healthy eating etc...i alos feel its linked to impulsivity and an inability to delay gratification..
Hi Neon
HI Neon,
I know exactly what you are going through...ive spent weeks downloading all the books, audio tapes etc and keep saying tomorrow, next week i'll start afresh. It got so bad that it cost me 16,000 dollars out of pocket plus the $100,000 at least that I could have earned with a full time job in the past 2 years. I was depressed anxious and looking for THE CURE.
There is no overnight cure. This is the truth. We have to make changes incrementally. Even if it means focussing for 2 mts and getting 2mts work done which is better than nothing. And then you make that 3 and 5 and so on. If we look for the magic cure, when we fail, we feel depressed. We have to keep picking ourselves up and move forward. If you fail a hundred times, we try one more time or a thousand more times.
The truth is we recognise that we have made a habit out of this. If we can make a habit of procrastinating, we can make another habit too. But habits take time to form , but dont give up, keep moving forward, one step at a time.
Please join us here more often. I have made a lot of progress since coming in here the 2nd time around. I had signed up with another name 2 years ago but then i didnt come here at all. I signed up again last year i think and i just started visiting regularly 2 weeks ago. I can already say ive made a lot of progress. There are so many of us who are going through what you are going thru and I can say there is hope, there is redemption. It's a slow and windy and stone-filled path, but we can climb to the top bloodied knees and all, if you are willing to stick on it. Solidarity!
One thing about instant gratification which works i've found is making a big visible chart on the wall and give urself ticks for every act of will power. Say if i dont feel like brushing my teeth right away, it's just a small thing. But if i force myself to do it when i dont feel like it. I get a tick. If i feel like turning on tv and if i don't i give myself a tick. If I feel like not washing a plate, i make myself do it and I get a tick. I read somewhere about 10,000 hours of practice making a genius. I am going to try and work towards 10,000 ticks, based on the premise that the will power is like a muscle, the more you train it, the easier it gets.
Nikolas Tesla
When I was a boy of seven or eight I read a novel untitled "Abafi" -- The Son of Aba -- a Servian translation from the Hungarian of Josika, a writer of renown. The lessons it teaches are much like those of "Ben Hur," and in this respect it might be viewed as anticipatory of the work of Wallace. The possibilities of will-power and self-control appealed tremendously to my vivid imagination, and I began to discipline myself. Had I a sweet cake or a juicy apple which I was dying to eat I would give it to another boy and go through the tortures of Tantalus, pained but satisfied. Had I some difficult task before me which was exhausting I would attack it again and again until it was done. So I practiced day by day from morning till night. At first it called for a vigorous mental effort directed against disposition and desire, but as years went by the conflict lessened and finally my will and wish became identical. They are so to-day, and in this lies the secret of whatever success I have achieved.
back again..:(
Thanks for the reply Nik
Ok, so i wrote this message a while back and thought 'yess', this is the last time!
Now i'm back again feeling defeated..but i'm scared now because i seem to have started forming some very negative beliefs and rituals that seem to have been born from procrastinating for years and years, for e.g i now think if i don't buy an expensive book to write my procras breaking goals in i 'll be out of control and i'll get bad luck..so i went to the shop ...then i thought if i buy this pink book then that will bring me bad luck, so i didn't(and i really wanted to buy it too!)...and the number 13 is bad luck, so better not start on that day..etc AND in addition i'll try to self destruct through eating bad food..and think 'well i'll do all this bad food eating and THEN i can really start on X day...and eat healthy'!! but alas, this so called healthy day is only kept up for a couple of days, then i'll go back to this strange ritual..the doc said your cholestrol is rising..and i'm only young:(..it's reall starting to make me feel down now and scared.it's like i'm not in control of my mind!! I'm convinced that procrastination leads to other mental illlnesses..that you never would have suffered otherwise...anyone else agree or had simlar?
re: back again..:(
What you describe sounds like it could be symptoms of OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) which is just another form of anxiety. You could try turning those thoughts over to God of your understanding, as Step 3 goes, making the decision to turn your will and life over to the care of God. I often have to Step-3 myself when I try to figure out all my inner conflicts on my own, because it doesn't work. So I've been working on that connection with God to get my own thoughts out of the way.
it can take a long time to change for the better
I can really relate to what you say. It took me nearly a decade to buy a new wristwatch, and my lack of time awareness contributed to making myself so late for appointments, job interviews and other opportunities it just wasn't funny anymore. It was frankly heart breaking.
I'm reasonably healthy, but have been putting off re-starting regularly exercising, and have been eating some junk and fatty food. During a health check, the doctor has diagnosed me with high cholesterol. And yet, I still haven't started exercising or making lifestyle changes. I also wonder what on earth is wrong with me, why can't I control my inner urges, especially when these can be so self-destructive in the long term?
I'm learning that procrastination and compulsive task avoidance can be a bad habit or addiction that's really hard to deal with. I'm also wondering whether procrastination leads to other mental health issues. Or could it even be vice versa? Am I in a bit of a 'chicken or egg' situation?
I'm guessing there are very many different causes of procrastination, which is differrent for each individual. Luckily there are a lot of resources on this website, so if one theory doesn't resonate for you at this time then there are others to look into. The suggested books are also very useful, which look at issues in more depth, particulary the three main suggestions, which can be found in the "Book" area of the forum. I can highly recommend starting with the first one and taking it from there.
If you are worried about procrastination perhaps leading to mental health issues, then may I gently suggest possibly considering going to see a trained counsellor? If cost is a worry then many have a sliding scale for fees, do research around. Some cousellors deal with bad habits, anxieties, compulsions or addictions, so it may be worth asking about this too.
You have made an amazing step in joining PA. I'm guessing many others haven't taken this step! In case this info is helpful, there is also the 12-Step part of this which fellowship which might also be worth exploring, with info, online meetings and phone meetings exploring the 12-Step process plus the tools for recovery.
Some P.A. folk are also in other 12-Step fellowships (sometimes identified by acronyms such as AA, Al-Anon, CoDA, DA, OA etc). So if you think a face to face meeting might help support you further then you could look into this too by finding a local fellowship in your area that centres around in issue that either plays a part in why you in particular procrastinate, or is made worse by the way you have been procrastinating. 12-Step fellowships are run by non-professional volunteers who have been there and worn the T-shirt as far as bad habits, compulsions and addictions go.
It can take a long time to change more permanently for the better and to develop good, and more self-loving & helpful habits. But do keep at it and persevering: do keep asking the questions, seeking the various answers, and taking baby steps in trying out new things and techniques which might potentially help.
For Jack
Jack, I am also struggling to confront the need for me to take exercise to help weight control/weight loss and a chronic pain condition. I sympathise with you - for me at least there's a whole lot of demand resistance going on but the crazy thing is that I love going to the gym, once I get there.
Just thought I'd let you know there's another PA member who is struggling with this issue too.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." (Anais Nin)
hi Sal
why do you think you procrastinate going to the gym?
hi Sal
why do you think you procrastinate going to the gym?
thanks for the support
Thanks Lavida-yes, i actually thought about what you said before i wrote this post and said to myself 'i'll turn my neg thoughts over to god'.Will see how it works.
Sorry i get confused with this site sometimes and all the 'jargon'.IT;S A FANTASTIC WONDERFUL SITE, I WILL HAVE TO VISIST MORE OFTEN 'LATER'!!!! So i end up not looking at things(another procras escape mechanism!!)
Thanks Jack. Your comments and support are so helpful.It's very kind off you.
I'm also a HSP(Highly Sensitive Person) and impulsivity links into our mental make up. I hope to god i don't have ocd. It makes me scared to even read that. Jack, i believe procras leads to mental illnessses by making you vulnerable to them .A bit like having alow immune system would make you suspectible to a cold. I think OCD, paranoia etc could eventually develop purely out of a continuious habit of putting things off , which of course erodes your self esteem and self respect and emotional resources and will power 'bank' over time. Im like you, it's no F joke anymore now!! arghhh PLEAAASE GOD..let this stop and let me be free , i'm such a kind talented person :(.
I've started a new job in a new department and they needed some excel spread sheets urgently updating, instead i drank hot chocolate all day and read about cyndi lauper!!! omg it's not even funny, but i'm laughing now!
I'm in same situation as you jack as in health wise, i look fit on outside, but doc said you have high triglycrides, what do i do?? i eat well for amonth, just to show how powerful i can be, and the cholestrol goes down to 3.6, the docs so amazed..BUT i then try to destroy myself again and i eat even more fatty foods, so it goes high. WTF is going on?? It's like self sabotage is an off shoot off procras..and procras is the queen of all the neg mental states,with her various sisters and daughters eg Fear, Anxiety etc...
I hope you get better jack and you Lavidia. Sometimes i feel like this all my fault anyway and ive done this to myself(this makes me sad and angry..and procras more),,,ive tried so hard not to though..it's like a DISEASE! :)LOVE