Thursday, April 2, 2009

Finsih taxes TTC and NYS

Finsih books (sattrted today!!)

 email Doug

After I released my bag of "stumbling blocks" here today, I was able to pick up HP's "stepping stones" set them down and walk accross the stream.

The stepping stones made me feel as if I was walking on water.

It's really neat to be able to unload ................ of the day/moment.

I had a pretty good day after all, after I got out of my head. I once heard someone say "When I'm in my head, I'm in enemy territory." That's me.

I don't know if there is more to this program than posting, but for now, I am grateful.

Thank you.

Hi Pro Buddies!

It's the end of the workday here. I've done ok on my list for today.

Tonight: I have to talk to someone scary about something scary. I will try to update my CI later tonight if I am ok. Or if I am overwhelmed, I will CI tomorrow.

9:25pm. It went ok. Whew!

There may still be more shoes dropping from time to time, but this was the major thing I was worried about.

Afterward I was so relieved, I took some time for just writing happy emails to friends. That is a lot better than the crying I thought I was going to be doing! Anyway, I need to get ready to sleep now.

Have a great night, everyone! :)

Recycler

Recycler

Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

well, had a pretty good day.  BUT I spent money instead of, well, not.  I did have to return a pair of pants that I bought yesterday, when my daughter and I went shopping instead of going home after her hair appt.  And I did have to buy a gift for one of my son's classmates for her birthday party he's going to.  That should have netted me 13$ to my wallet, instead I shopped and spent $'s in the mall, then went to the grocery store and spent more.  I really need to cut my debit card up - no freeze it inbetween payday, then only take out the 2 weeks monies.  I do need to do something.  Maybe I should procrastinate some more and look on the net for help for that.  Catch 22.

I did go for a walk with my daughter and our bigger dog.  I rebooted the laundry, and seperated the clean clothes into piles.  Put the bought stuff away. 

The rest of the day I want to: get supper out, unload the dishwasher, fill it back up, start supper, make a desert. 

Not much, but I want to do this instead of go into a time warp and play games or surf the net.... 

Nothing is worth more than this day  - Goethe

Thanks for everyone's hugs late yesterday. Last night I wasn't sure whether to consume one of my drugs of choice, or cyanide. Thank God I did neither. But the despair was horrible. If not for prayerful friends and God, I would not be here today.

My appeal was declined: "Late is late" was the answer.  I still have to tell my boss today - I placed the call but have not received a reply. I am praying that God will save my colleagues and their families from bad consequences of my failure. For me, I'll take what comes. 

Also, this has forced me to seek outside help. The 12 Steps and the fellowship here and in other programs is a great help - lifesaving, I am definitely improved since being in PA. But one aspect of my problem is getting worse: concentration and transition. I'm told this is an actual brain disorder and there is treatment, but I always thought I was managing it OK.  Now however, I think aging, injury and stress have robbed my ability to compensate. Step 7 guides me to humbly admit I need professional help with this one, so I'm awaiting a callback now. Also signed up for a brain-exercise website but I forget the link; I'll post it later if it proves useful.

You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning

Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace.
--Amelia Earhart

We have learned from experience that a wave of peacefulness washes over us after we have successfully finished a task that was difficult to face. Courage has its reward. However, from time to time, and from task to task, we find we need the reminder that peace will come once the loose ends have been tied by us.

Our search for peace was desperate and unending in past years. Our fears overwhelmed us more often than not. Courage was seldom displayed. Tasks were often left half done or not done at all. Challenges went unmet. And peace eluded us.

We are so lucky that the program found us, and that we found the program! We are looking forward, at last, with the courage that trusting a higher power has given us. Peace is ours, now and always, as we go forth with the strength of the program to bolster us. New jobs, new friends, new situations may still elicit our old fears. But their hold on us is gone. We have learned that we face nothing alone. What relief that simple truth brings.

Courage is one of the program's gifts. I will have courage to go forward: to meet the new day, to handle whatever confronts me. Peace is coupled with courage, now and forever.

From Each Day a New Beginning: Daily Meditations for Women by Karen Casey © 1982, 1991 by Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved. Published 1982. Second edition 1991.  

There is a proper balance between not asking enough of oneself and asking or expecting too much.  - May Sarton

I once heard Joyce Meyers say she didn't "feel right" unless she felt "all wrong'.

I don't know how to feel "alright", but I always feel "all wrong" and usuall think that is how others feel aobut me.

I am going to take a walk now.

I did stuff this morning and played on the computer. Boy, do I feel guilty!

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have no expectations of myself. I remember when I first got into program, I heard someone in program share something I considered to be "unacceptable" and she jsut laughed and said "But it's ok"

I had an urge to go up to her after the meeting and shake her and say "How could you say "It's ok, don't you know it's not??!!" I don't even remember what it was, probably something she didn't do or finish. But she was laughing and happy and here I am, still saying "It's not ok to be imperfect, working at 110% efficiency and productivity, unless a family member is there and in need of your company, but never when you are alone. 

So I am going to take a walk, write a graditude list, then take my son to the dr. for a check up and then soccer later tonight and help him study for a test.

 I sooooooooooo do not want to pass this burden on to my children. I am seeing my perfectionistic thinking being absorbed into their happy little lives and I do not want that for them. They are sooo "all right" I don't want them to feel "ALL WRONG".

I guess I really need to pray. and be grateful that HP can help me with this.

Making stepping stones out of road blocks.

PS Are there sponsors in this program? (just wondering)

Good morning!   I'm in the office today.  I have been to the gym and stopped by to see Dad, read email, and checked my calendar.  Rushing to the coffeepot before 9:30 meeting lol, then I'll see y'all in the chatbox.

My attitude is not the best this morning.  I see the day dragging on with tasks that are either a)extremely boring or b)extremely intimidating.  I am hoping things will look better after caffeine and quiet time.   

UPDATE:  Things did indeed look better after coffee, and even better after qt.  I've had a productive day and as much as I hate to admit it, I work much better when I'm in the office than I do at home *sigh*.  I will work on improving my productivity when working at home!   A big distraction is my personal computer.   May I have the strength to keep the personal computer TURNED OFF during work hours at home.

Jo

There is a proper balance between not asking enough of oneself and asking or expecting too much.  - May Sarton

Fantastic starter, bGG!!!

Today, gone in the am, doing some errands and having coffee.  This afternoon I want to get started on Easter stuff. I will alternate with organizing Xmas stuff and bring it downstairs til that is done.  It's April already!  Gotta get it downstairs!!!

Nothing is worth more than this day  - Goethe