Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Wow! Sounds really productive. *hugs*

I am procrastinating...have done nothing but check emails and surf 'net since the above check-in. Now it's lunchtime...God, please help me!

I admit I am powerless over compulsive procrastination and my life has become unmanageable. I have come to believe that a Power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. I make a decision to turn my will and my life (my thinking and my actions) over the CARE of God as I understand God.

God, please grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change (me being addicted, the world, Time), courage to change the things I can (what I say, what thoughts I rent space to in my head, and the next action I take), and wisdom to know the difference (can't change the past, what is, or other people; can change my attitude, my words, and moving my muscles).

Going to make and eat a healthy lunch next. (Thank you God).

OK, meeting w/ WG was really really long and exhausting and somewhat unproductive and now I'm feeling completely fried.

I would really like to go to square dancing this evening (I've been feeling sort of down b/c 2 good friends of mine just moved 3000 miles away...), which requires focus now. I think what I'll do is get out of lab and go somewhere else to work...I'll head to the student center, and work on reading+ppt there. 

One of my great spiritual mentors pointed out that there are no grown-ups in Heaven - so I'm thinking Old McDonald is probably one of God's favorite songs! :-)

Hi pro buddies,

It's been really helpful to check in here before work, even if I don't do the things I originally planned (I don't check in here during the work day, so I don't always remember what was on my list here!) 

Just the mindfulness and setting some good intentions has been helping me stay more focused.  My office is organized for the first time since last summer!

It really helped today to think in terms of being interested rather than bored at work! 

Falcon

Agnus ;-) you inspired me in chat the other day - as you were "tooling your tasks" 

I have done in part for tasks - but going to do them all and get these things DONE!!

SO HERE GOES - I have no idea how long this will take to complete for 2, a lot of items on each invoice... one is due Friday, other past due - but I am starting and will finish bgg :-)

I know it is long - I gave this 20 min to plan - but whats 20 min compared to the weeks i have spent avoiding!!  NOW I HAVE A PLAN,AM ACCOUNTABLE TO DO THIS

TASKS: job1 & 2 supply cost list, job1 & 2 order summary, invoice

http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/387

1.Break it down into small tasks

Complete list of every item to design, brief description, and #  (almost done for job1)

only have small pockets of tme until tomorrow, so trying a little at atime instead of waiting for big amount of time)

List any optional items or choices same way

Finalize design ideas if pending

Make list of every supply to order include assembly needs and shipping

Total those costs

Compare to past rates and decide on fair charge to cover costs and make profit (remembering bills due)

Type the items into invoice and itemize totals       

pray, email               

2.Visualization – ok  this is helping and i commit for each step to do it

3. Ask myself why –  

perfectionism  (committing price means I am committing to design in many cases and no room to keep perfecting or changing – also want invoice to be perfect price, etc.

fear – boundary issues – I don’t charge enough and regret later and then often too late or worked so hard only to realize I didn’t make enough for  bills or I didn’t factor things in – like not having enough money to order what I need and having to rush ship it later ETC

self-worth: habit of doing things for free – which is good tobe a blessing – but God says a worker is worthy of their hire, so there is a time to reap and a sow – I am due for some reaping and the only thing holding me back is ME!

A client sent me this – can you believe and I STILL avoid it- oh the agony! "P.S. If its not a problem can i get the total of everything so I can write one big check please! :-)  "  

4. Long term consequences

3-4Revised: step 3 not  as helpful right now because it is just reminding me of what is still so wrong in me –  makes me want to avoid and step 4 not helping me either, makes me want to run and hide not face this - so I am adding my own step 3/4 instead.  Not saying these won’t work for others or aren’t good – just not helping me right now.  

Also, I know this isn’t everyone’s path for recovery, its just the only thing that has ever worked for me – when I work it – so I am sharing it as part of my list because this is not advice for anyone just a record of the plan I have made:  

I will stand on the word of God- He tells me I can do all things and that if I just ask He will give me strength where I am weak. He tells me to do my best and put the rest in His hands, to commit to do my part and trust him with the outcome and how it is received. Amen! I am going to keep music or the word in my ears so my focus doesn’t return to my own weakness – whatever I magnify gets bigger – so I choose to magnify him and not myself.

I like fighting songs for tasks that are hard: starting with this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyEMJBhCtU8&feature=related

 5.  Avoid time binging  - yes a big one – I commit to using timer every 10 min – I would go longer but see the temptation to drift to other tasks just in trying to stick to this task – so 10 min for awareness                

 6. Using small blocks of time – ewww, another big one! I have 1 hour before school pick up and it would be so easy to say well I cant start not enough time – but here I am 1 week past the deadline I gave myself on each invoice and 5 days before I must pay rent and the time will never be perfect enough for me.  SO by breaking into smaller tasks and doing what I can when I can that makes it better.                

7. Perfectionism – oh that’s a flesh burner!! (as joyce meyer likes to say!)

BUT, nevertheless! I commit to not getting caught up in formatting or fonts or little details on supplies – but to be aware and admit when I am being perfectionistic – I will put it to the side and come back to it and the end if there is time or if I even feel that it matters by then (which it likely won’t!!)

8. keep a time log – I am doing that by making this list and committing to chat and Ci as I go

9. develop routines – I have done well with this since starting at PA so I can see how that is helpful here in my working on this task. Routine tasks must continue for day, but they don’t have to mean I can’t work this routine/plan made here.

10. Bookend tasks and time – great help, I have done this often and can see even more that it is essential here as I work through this task. Stay connected and accountable – pray and chat thru when I get stuck