hello... my fiancee is a chronic procrastinator, so it seems.. ?
hello dear readers...
I am in desperate help ..
please excuse my writing english is not my mother tongue/language...
My boyfriend fiancee and future husband (we are getting married this May) has been driving his jeep/car, to and from the repair/garage station and to other places,
without a valid insurance,
in a city that has 4.000.000 people with many cars,
(i.e. not in a village somewhere)
I dont know how the laws are there, but here if something would happen (accident or injury of someone else) with an uninsured car, people go to jail straight on.
I am so so sad, because his not acting, is putting his life in jeopardy, plus all others lives who love him.
today his mother decided to come and pick the keys up while he was sleeping, and i assisted her with that. I am ashamed of doing that and that i had to lie about assisting her. But I told him I would have done the same , with my child. Only he is not a child, he is a fully developed, supersmart 42 year old man!
I cant tell you how much i am dissapointed that he put me in this position... who am i? am i his mother? am i his guardian? I am a woman 34 old, have my degree, my company, and I remember how it was years ago when I struggled also because of low selfasteem and many bad situations - i am sure I was a procrastinator too, for some time in my life.
but this, - it is horrible! it shows me that things arent just like that with him, ... and it is not only procrastination !? and if it is, it must be serious,
isntit such a deceptive lie, to tell yourself, AH nothing will go wrong, (EVERY OTHER DAY when you drive these 5 - 15 km to where ever it is through a BUSY city -Athens Greece )
he has been telling me that he cant insure the car because he hasnt paid the final rates from the contract and it cant close. It has been months. more than 4 months and he is using the car, 3 times a week at least. Plus we have used this car to go on a weekend trip! He just hasnt paid the money, and he isnt stressed about it, and he lied to me about it that his family knew about it.
HE HAS money, he has NO financial problems, since his parents have left him with an income -(they own some houses they rent). He does not work anymore he is 42, (he has studied, and he is supersmart, and he had really good job opportunities in his life - stockmarket analyst and broker!!!) he sleeps at 8 o clock in the morning - surfs through the internet during the night.
His situation looks alot like the "relaxed procrastinator"which means he doeas all things but the things that are "required". He does things that he likes, - cooking and organizing events for his 4x4 club (he is president there!).
But, the things that are "required".... there is no way for him to do them.
he hasnt paid his taxes which have just doubled because of that, he gets lawsuits to pay his bills... our electric bill hasnt been paid all year long (it was his responsibility)
he doesnt have an id because he didnt go to the army (its obligatory here, and if you dont go you cant travel outside Greece!) , he lost the one he had and now he cant issue a new one and so he cant do a million other things because he doesnt have an id. He could have made arrangements (legal ones) to avoid these issues but he hasnt, and hasnt even tried ways how to do it.
I am devostated because i dont know what to think or what to make of ALL this.
we are both mature people, we have also been to couples consultation which really worked for us, to understand eachother, and overcome all other issues people have,
but this wasnt a topic until now, since I think all the other things, might not be so important, they were his problem and if i can accept it and let it be his problem it s his thing to deal and work for. ?
but this has gone to far for my feelings toward him..
how can i respect him or trust him? he didnt care about my feelings if something would have happened and hed go to jail? what if ?.... (thousand thoughts?) I am aphaulled by this one thing,....It is irrisponsible, it is too big for me to keep inside me and just ...let it be! (like he asked me to and would love it to happen!)
what can i do? what can i tell him? how can i show him that he is in trouble (cause thats how i feel! what if something would happen?)
he doesnt seem to get that his actions were BIG trouble, and he was just SO lucky?
????????? I just have a HUGE question mark inside of me, and I really cant figure out what todo,
do you think it would be agood idea to mention the therapist that we went to and say that I need to discuss some things with him and her?
or do you beleive there is another way? who/how made you realize you were puting yourself in a deep hole, because of procrastination? ............
I dont want to feel pitty for him but i almost do, and it feels horrible!
we are grown ups who are supposed to make a family soon! how on earth is this going to happen? please help. ... to me, this situation he is in,... feels sick! what can I do? !?
there seems to be noone else but me, who is in immediate contact with this situation, -we live together for 3 years now.