Tuesday, 17th September 2013

I heard today, the big book talks about

position of neutrality

as in, dont care either way. I hope someday to feel that way about tasks and time, instead of fearing them.

20:37:33 ‹clement› great stress. dont with stuff, now time to start something else that's due tomorrow!
20:37:46 ‹clement› but great stress at thinking about it.
20:38:09 ‹clement› BB talks about a position of neutrality. that sounds like rising above ur situation. seeing it from God's point of view. Ie extreme long term
20:38:27 ‹clement› What would i tell myself now if myself from 10 years in the future could talk to me now?

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

• I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety of relying on God than to get things done.
  • "15 Points" point 5 says:
    

    5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.

    My Plan is this:

    1. read "15 Points"
    2. Meditate for 5 min on the attributes of God

:) ci
:) start timers
:) v task
:-( cL
:) time log
:-( quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
j task
:) do tasks
:) put away clothes
:-( abstinence day counts
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

• Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?
  ---- i was afraid as usual, but much less than usual. That is a blessing from God
• Do we owe an apology?
• Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?
• Were we kind and loving toward all?
• What could we have done better?
  ---- went off plan like 4 times
• Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?
• Or, were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

I am prepared for the class i am teaching tomorrow.
And i am thrilled.
I did baking and bills.
Now i need to not take selfish pride. This is a real problem for me. This is God's success. I am serving the school and my students and humanity.
I started doing weekly sums of my time log today.
I had a very, very difficult appt today, and it went ok. It was not the disaster that it usually is. That is a miracle. (same as afraid above)

I will keep working on it ---and breath and take a step! Thanks Mole and Vic!

• doctors appt
• chemist
• bank
• filing
• call L & A&A
• rest
• readings
• tidy
• rest
• lay out refs
• pick out refs 
• rest
• recheck refs
• dinner
• alphabetise refs
• input recipts
• text MP
• email D
• get files ready for M tomorow
• get M money for clothes
• if possible and time left start edit of MD SR.
• rehab excercises
• HIO

 Show up (done) basics, plan, follow through

 Read:Wisdom from the Dalai Lama: choose to live with happiness, compassion and generosity and "keep working on it"

Pretty awesome to know that even theDalai Lama needs to :"keep working at it"

mmm, well for me it is as shift worker.  My first 5days of work went pretty well, non of the worries I'd been obsessing about came true of course. I didn't make myself study after work this first week back but managed to find lots of tv time .  So 2nd week back strtng tmr I'm work fit so no excuses regarding after work study and daily postings.

I had lovely relaxing 'weekend' day yesterday.

 Today has been avoidance of MY Most Important task - study.  But has been reasonably productive in otherways so choosing not to think of it as pure waste.

Done: 2nd most important job: tracking down contract for ASH next year.

checked emails. t'ferred money. coffee w R. shopping - kept to list. borrowed library book been meaning to get all week for Prague. did washing, half of vacuuming and cleaning.

Non essential things done: ordered various overdue b'day present - spent money (payday tmr) but they're late presents and payday tmr.  this means NO PERSONAL spending beyond essential food for next week.

 mmm - so!  Its almost 4pm and I usually go to bed at 1pm so plenty of useful time - don't give up!

______

I admit that I am powerless over my procrastination and debt and that my life had become unmanageable.  I came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity and I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. I humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. I pray constantly and unceasingly only for knowledge of God's will for me today and the power to carry that out.  

Its not about the tasks - its about listening to the moment and going with the flow of the spirit - today.

Its not about the money, its about listening to the simplicity of need and contentment - today.

 Main aim: study

1600-1800

physiology 2 hours each - 2x20mins w 20 off - TIMER

1800 run around park, shower (incld clean, Healthy dinner)

1930 & pharmacology

2130 watch 1 episode WIRE

2230 1 hour anatomy - upper limb

2330 1hr pharm

bed by 1am

wake up 0830 to start at 10

"Off" jobs:

finish vacuum

mop floor

bring in washing

empty bins

look up prague flights

wash bathroom sink & shower

 ___________________

Thanks for letting me 'overshare' and reflect - my encouragements for you all today, good rest for tonight and fresh start tomorrow.

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank Mole for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA neeting

3. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone UA meeting

4. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

5. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA activity line

6. Cut onion

7. Cook and eat breakfast

8. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

9. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

10. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

11. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

12. Clear the tables

13. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone DA meeting

14. Warm up and eat dinner

15. Clear off the bed

16. Go to the 6 p.m. telephone OA meeting

17. Go to the 8:30 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

18. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

Thanks for letting me share

Well, I haven't been here for a long time. Over the summer when our undergrad students aren't around, work's not so hard to manage and I'm able to give whole days over to one task at a time. But here we are again, it's term time and last night I slept really badly, waking up and going through a list I hadn't made! Time to come back. Thanks for the opener, Mole, great that you're still here!

Tuesday looks like this: 

- be sure to pack SL for afternoon

- Go swimming actually decided to go tonight (Monday) instead of Tues morning to give myself a bit more time in the morning. Had a good swim but everyone seems a lot more grumpy and stressed after work, so will stick to morning swims in future!

- Get in for 9.30

- Make sure they've left message re room for LI meeting

- Get The B from photocopier

- Check out CD reading

- Write to CD students if necessary

- Ask M. re. payment for artists

- Tell J what M says about above

- Make list of things to say at B.M.

- 11-1 - attend B.M.

- 1-4ish - attend LI M's induction

- 4-6 - work on SL cut - got too interrupted by other things to do this. Will see if it can go on tomorrow's list. Did plan other things for this course, though, with a colleague who suddenly became available.