There's this issue I have. It's something I have to do as part of my job, but I find parts of it really hard. Mainly those parts which involve calling people and/or asking them for money. And it means that I have procrastinated over it, and I keep getting asked to sort it out, but no one really seems to pay attention to how bad it is. How old the invoices are and how much we will have to write off because I was too scared to chase it and now it's too late.
I have to give an update on it at a meeting next week and I'm terrified. I honestly do want to sort it out once and for all, but the whole thing has hung over me for so long that I sometimes can't even face the bits I find easier (on the invoices that aren't so old for instance) I've even considered hiring someone to do it for me (impractical), paying the bills with my own money, or even getting the train to work and doing it after a drink (or two) No I'm not joking. I rationally understand that being drunk is not an answer, and i hardly drink otherwise, but it gives you an idea of how much this is affecting me.
I regularly wake early when it comes to the part of the week where I have to go to this client. And this week it's adding to other worries I have about work and study stuff.
I need to find a way through but I am locked in a poisonous haze. Anxiety fills me even thinking about it. It's not the first time this has happened, there have been issues like it in all my previous jobs too (some for the same sort of task) what I need is a plan, and someone to hold my hand while I do it. What I need is courage to bring it out in the open and deal with whatever consequences arise. My DH has actually stood by me while I made a phone call once before, but he can't do that for this. Many phone calls, and much higher conflict risk. I think the management know I have real trouble with it, but they're just hoping I'll magically sort myself out (you know, like a professional, adult would)
Thank you for reading. Needed to get this down on paper (as it were) I will let you know what I come up with.