Hi all, I'm back. Long time, no post. I've been busy working my contract job, almost 3 months now.
Though things are better overall -- I am now dealing with yet another run of mega-procrastination. This time it is dealing with all of the TONS of important things I didn't face while I was in survival mode being homeless and jobless. It's all piled up. I want to just run. The weekends come after a full week of work, and all I want to do is stay in my room and not come out, not do all the many things that I only have time to do on the weekends!
Things like food shopping, car maintenance (I avoid this the worst: need brake repair, need oil (already 10,000 miles since last oil change: yikes! Worst ever), doctor appointments (I avoided these, and now my insurance changed meaning I now have deductible to meet and have to pay out of pocket for everything). The list goes on ...
So I'm spending my Sunday on the computer obsessing about certain products I want to buy ... hemming and hawing about them, while the day slips away and more important errands go out the window.
Ugh, I hate having to face my powerlessness YET AGAIN over this compulsion to avoid.
I've slipped away from recovery PA, UA, etc. and since my church recently closed down, not reading my Bible much these days either. Not good.
I need to do a Step 1 again. I need to find the PA Tools again.
Thank you for all still being here despite my absence. Always grateful for the support and understanding.
p.s. Sign of procrastination out of control: post-it notes everywhere, piling up with the SAME lists of things to do, over and over ... I have overwhelmed myself and clearly need to break it all down. But how? It ALL seems like first priority!!!! Esp. after piling up so long. The perfectionism strikes again.
fall down seven times, get up eight - japanese proverb
Thanks Clement! :-)
Welcome back, and sharing, you are soooooooooooooooooo not alone .
I completely identify,.... with some added resentment for always seemingly have the responsibility of having to put others first and no time for myself, which is a flat out lie because I did the same thing even when I was alone, just easier for me to blame someone else and justify my angry feelings.
I don't know what I want, but I don't want to be where I am. Iknow I can not will myself to be better, but I can sure give up and make things much worse (the start tomorrow thinking which never happens.) I am just grateful to know we have a place to be understood and accepted, I have never found a place like this anywhere else.. thanks.
Thanks for your post.
Definitely helps to be reminded that I am not alone. I've been very frustrated this week, because I've tried to move certain things forward and came up against some bad luck (which just makes this whole issue that much harder).
I've had that too, where I'd blame someone else but even alone I would avoid things.
Yes, this is the only place I've known where this issue of avoidance and putting things off is truly addressed. I feel like this behavior is in the minority. I think I've mentioned it here in the past, but this issue seems to go along with being an introverted personality for me at least, I don't know about others here. I just see how others at my workplace interact with each other, and how they so easily face things/each other, while I stay in my own space and generally stay away. It does make me feel like I'm more different than most.
Anyway, thanks for the welcome :)
@VIC thanks for the idea of the life jacket of God. I believe that. Altho in the midst of my life, i often totally forget.
I'm going to stop everything and just listen for 2-3 min to one of the songs i've put in my "Open in case of discouragement" playlist.
Abstinence from unplanned time.
Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"
5. Develop and rehearse a daily plan of thinking and acting by which you will live that day relying on God, regardless of what may upset you or how hard the old urge to rely on self may hit you.
My Plan is this:
:) start timers
put away clothes
abstinence day counts
12:12:54 [clement] i am on plan, but life sux
12:37:44 [clement] i listened to 2 songs partly while waiting for the 12:30 phone checkin (nobody showed) and the songs encouraged me. Now i feel neutral ;^)
12:44:03 ‹clement› i'm out of strength, so i'm gonna do my plan: 1. 15 points. 2 meditate on the attributes of god
13:01:05 ‹clement› "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life because of me will find it." -Jesus in Matthew 10:37
THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)
Thank you. Just wondered if it would be possible to share some of your "Open in case of discouragement" playlist? thanks.
Many of these are songs with re-affirming messages. Some are just up-beat and usually get me going. A few are hard rock.
If you want any of these songs, i have all the mp3s. probably easiest is to contact me thru this website contact form. I could also post them somehow / somewhere. They're all on youtube.
Kari Jobe - Revelation Song.mp3
Lincoln Brewster - Everlasting God.mp3
Tenth Avenue North - Hold my Heart.mp3
Casting Crowns-Lifesong-02-Praise You In This Storm.mp3
Casting Crowns-Lifesong-06-Set Me Free.mp3
Casting Crowns-Lifesong-02-Praise You In This Storm.mp3
Casting Crowns - East to West.mp3
Feeling quite low a the moment due to worry about certain things. Hoping I can reduce this by getting a coupl of things out of the way.
Show up (done), exer, plan, follow through
USE THE TOOLS THAT WORK!!!
Thanks Jalla, just what I needed to see. Started feeling anxious, How did it get to be JULY 28THth? Lots of family changes going and feeling like I need to make up for lost time and start an all night marathon to make up for things undone, which worked many decades ago but today I need to be humble enough to use the tools that work today.
Grateful to have a place to connect and "show up" what a miracle...thank you pa(ers).
Wishing everyone recovery today.
were made to be solved. Life was made to be lived. Although sometimes
we may be in over our heads - yes, we may even go under for a few
moments and gulp a few mouthfuls of water, we won't drown. We're wearing
- and always have been wearing - a life jacket. That support jacket is
Today, I will
remember to take care of myself. When I get in over my head, God is
there supporting me - even when my fears try to make me forget."
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie
people say motivation won't last. neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily
thank you jalla, i wish i could believe that!
i must make a tight shedule for today
by 9.30 have eaten and pics from pc ready
collect together items on pc and list
take more pics keep listing using timer
tonight bath, need to be out early tomorrow
tomorrow morning email soliciter
2. Throw boxes down
3. Read newspapers and put them in a box.
4. tidy up room finally
5. Gym at home?
6. Make a diet and workout chart.
Thank you for the thread starter lovely jalla
Still exhausted. And completely thrown by unexpected change in Sat schedule... Sunday...
market? Or K pick up 9
ring til 10
F til 11 - order bks for S and G
12.30 walk to NH meet G take patch and bk
2 walk home - buy groceries on way
Take stock and check in again - really need to schedule things that have fallen behind.
bed by 11
THINGS I DID WELL TODAY
THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETT
THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR
I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.
I want to thank jalla for starting this trend
1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting
2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting
3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting
4. Go to the 8 a.m. telephone OA meeting
5. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone DA meeting
6. Go to the 9:50 a.m. telephone CLA activity line
7. Eat breakfast
8. Take shower
9. Get dressed
10. Prayer and meditation morning and evening
11. Test blood sugar twice
12. Go to the religious meeting at 1 p.m.
13. Go to the 3:30 p.m. online PA meeting
14. Go grocery shopping
15. Eat dinner
16. Go to the 5:30 p.m. telephone DA meeting
17. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone OA meeting
18. Go to the 7 p.m. online EA meeting
19. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting
Thanks for letting me share
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