Saturday 25th May 2013

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome.

The commitment is thirty minutes of exercise before midnight of any of
the following format: running, jogging, a combination of
running-walking-jogging, swimming, walking, attending a fitness class
(something that requires me to leave the house), stationary biking,
biking, dance class, aerobic class, yoga, karate (or other martial
arts).  I have been having a little bit of a problem with getting myself
to do the running plan consistently.  I typically result in walking,
which is fine; that's infintely better than nothing at all.  But, I do
want to provide a circumstance for myself to run, if once I get to the
gym or "get out there" I feel up to it.  So, I am going to restart the
running plan today, and wherever I start with the run/walk combination,
that will be where I'm at.  I'm changing the commitment in the following
way: on days when I am assigned to run by the running training program,
I need to wear my running clothes.  I do not actually have to run, but I
need to wear those clothes on running days. If If I do not run, I will
wear (or bring) the running clothes on each day until I do the assigned
training, and then the schedule will resume from that day.  I am doing
this because:

1. My main reason for continuing is that I want to move forward with my
   running/jogging plan.  I made some progress last week of running 2
   minutes, walking2 minutes, repeating that seven times, but I want to
   finish that week within a timely period and move on to running 2 minutes
   and walking 1 minute (times 10).  The ultimate goal is to be able to
   run/jog for 30 minutes.  I want to run a marathon at the end of this
   year or January of next.  (I have always wanted to run the Honolulu
   Marathon; I don't even know if this is something I can do, but I want to
   do it.)  I have year after year pledging to do a second marathon and
   have not, b/c I did not make headway on my running plan.
2. I feel that running or exercise will force me to own up to other
   commitments in my life, because challenges in the running sphere force
   me to have other commitments in my life met so that I can exercise
   unimpeded and feel good that my investment in myself is going somewhere.
3. I want to feel good about myself when I go outside, and
4. I don't trust myself to exercise at the end of the day or at some point
   before midnight unless I make the commitment here to do it.  
5. Being accountable to others by making a commitment here, helps me to be accountable to myself.
6. The objective is to stick to the running plan by doing at least one
   training unit per day of the 28-week running plan I came up with, which
   is a slower version of the eight-week Rodale run/walk plan.  
7. practicicing being on time with this commitment, will assist me in being on time in other areas.
8. It will also help me to practice willpower for other activities that require energy.
9. Exercise helps me to feel comfortable in what I am doing, b/c I am not
   constantly fidgeting at my desk or feeling like I SHOULD be
   running/swimming/walking or getting out in the sun or that I SHOULD have
   done those things last night.
10. Exericse helps me to avoid feelings of not  being adequate, because I
    have confidence in myself as a person interacting with others.
11. I want to build trust in myself by committing to something small that
    positively affects my whole life.  Since I'm making a promise here to do
    it, that's going to help me to keep my promise to myself so that I have
    faith in myself that at some point during the day I will exericse,
    instead of feeling like crap because I don't even trust myself to get to
    the gym or go on a walk.
12. Exercise makes everything tighter, which makes me feel more comfortable
    with myself and helps me to be able to live with myself.
13. I want to be able to wear the clothes in my closet, and throw out the ones that are not useful to me.

-------------------

Walked 32 minutes.  Today is the rest day in my running schedule.

 show up (done), exer, plan

Thanks Jalla for starter and yesterday kind words, likewise with your posts. I find checking in pa  a reliable tool of supporting myself.Thanks pa.

DAY SIX

~ ~ SUPPORT YOURSELF ~
~

FIND WAYS TO SUPPORT
YOURSELF.
REACH OUT TO FRIENDS AND
ALLOW THEM TO HELP YOU.
IT IS BEING STRONG
TO ASK FOR HELP
WHEN YOU NEED IT.

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self. AA Big Book says to rely on God. Quoted in my bookmarks : scroll down to "AA Big Book on fears : relying on God not self-reliance:"

:) ci
:) start Instant Boss
:) v task
:) cl
:) time log
:) quiet time
:-( 11am pa phone mtg
:) sort tasks
:) *capture all * tasks here
:) j task
prj task, skip
brk: ** mci
brk: * bsmt dehu
:) brk: * costco mil
brk: jury duty form
:) brk: crit artcl
brk: OK rwcs pare down
brk: CWS emergency kids
brk: pool - 30min
brk: * renew mbbc - 30min
brk: new outgoing busi msg
brk: iphone apps
brk: *kal - 1 hour, fri
brk: * busi form added 5/14/2013 - 20min, fri
brk: bda
:) ** lc get descript (due mon)
*lc sign form
lc read man
:) **client bos - recom, alm done
h wrk - recommendation - continue - 4hrs
*pud raid - 4 hrs
g wrk - 4hrs
pud av i - 5 hours
pud disk - rtn shipping problem - 30 min
pud disk - rtn installed - 30 min
pud disk install - bill4 - 15 min

*tx - 4hrs
*nativ - 20 min
pu wrk - iDev - 2hrs
bill client ku wed
kuf wrk - recontact - 15 min
later: ht task
:) put away clothes
:) reflection
:) pre-plan tmrw

4:43pm :
It's been - since i last got distracted (-).
It's been 00days 00hrs 04min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (1hr 30min 3:09-4:39pm 5/25 youtube q; abs his: 4d,3m,1d,6h,3d.2d old,new)
It's been 00days 00hrs 04min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (1hr 30min 3:09-4:39pm 5/25 youtube q; abs his: 13,1,1,5,6 old-new)
It's been 02days 14hrs 02min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (2hr 43min, 11:58pm-2:41am 5/22-23 qtweb; abs his: 5,14,8,6)
It's been 16days 13hrs 59min since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (3hrs 14min, 11:30pm-02:44am 5/8-9 raid work binge, abs his: 25,14; corrected 5/24).
It's been 60 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >4hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been >60 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >6hrs (6hrs on 3/25).
It's been 196 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day
It's been ~296 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week
It's been 36days 17hrs 50min since i last relied on self. (abs his: 14)

4:53pm : Day Count reflection, the 1.5 hrs off plan activity--that time--actually is accreted to my abstinence >2hrs. So while i was off plan for 1.5 hrs, i was actually accumulating time of abstinence >2hrs. That seems so wrong. But i believe that's due to my exaggeratedly negative perspective. Yes, during that 1.5 hrs of off-plan time, i was not off plan for 2hrs or 3hr or 5hrs, or a whole day. It is very true. Accurate.

THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

Remembered that my mtg was canceled this morning.
Been more focused in the 12-3pm time frame.
Not gone off plan for 1.5 hrs.
Gotten to the party on time--by putting off tasks i did impulsively.

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

That my off plan bender was 1.5 hrs, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 6, not a whole day, not multiple days.
That my recovery from off plan benders is getting more efficient. I am starting to limit the damage to the time wasted, instead of guilt, escapism, sulking. Damage control.
That i bought the item after much research.
That i called my client and was upfront about prices, and it was fine.
That i started my next big task.