Sometimes Someday Never Comes...
I used to have lofty aspirations & ambitious goals in life. I had resolved to kick Murphy S. Law in the teeth; but, alas, ultimately that's what he's done to me - not without my help, of course. I think to be able to accomplish most anything you have to have something motivating you. Either a fear of consequence that nips your heels driving you from behind and/or a reward impelling you forward. I've decided that my pursuit in life thus forward will be preparing for my death or rapture, whichever comes first. I'm not rushing either one. I'm fairly certain you can't rush the rapture, but who knows?
Whenever I've endeavored to finally get my life on track, I am, in the cruelest of ways, derailed. Usually due to a mess of my (but not entirely) own making. I've heard it preached that satan & his minions have their sights trained on us Christians & I'm sure Murphy S. Law is taking up the slack for the rest. I just can't fight anymore. I don't plan on planning anymore other than day-to-day stuff.
Very early this morning I was almost overcome with an illness I thought would send me to the emergency room. I wondered if I might die. I then thought that I don't have the money to go to the ER, much less die. I also pondered who might be dispatched to come to my place & have to sort through the awful state of affairs I'd left things. Not to mention that my place has pockets that are a biohazard. I told God that even though I would prefer to die, I just wasn't prepared to.
God let me wake up today. I'm surprised He let me escape a trip to the emergency room that I might never get paid back. So with this new lease on life I've decided to prepare for the day when I go to meet the Lord or He comes to meet me. I want the dignity & assurance that before it ends I've taken care of the loose ends.
I said all this to say that whenever you've seen me I've tried to be encouraging & upbeat. I don't feel like that anymore. Maybe this change will be noticeable, maybe it won't. I don't know if this will be a permanent thing, but I just feel like being left alone now. I do have one primary goal I will be working towards as I've stated above & that will be a major motivator. My only one.
I have also heard it preached that procrastination is the deadliest & worst thing a person can ever "do". I've seen the terrible truth of that more times than I care to count. All the tomorrows I'd put off came back and smacked me in the face, hard, yesterday & many, many other times. As I look back over yesterday (and many other things) & think about what I could have done differently I see that I was a day late and a dollar short, but it might as well have been ten years & a million dollars. Too little, too late is just that - too little & too late. Sometimes someday never comes...