Dear Fellow Members,
Hello, my name is Spazz and I'm a procrastinator. When I was in first grade I never got my assignments done on time. I didn't know I was supposed to and I couldn't have even when I did eventually figure that out. I remember one day handing one in on time and my first grade teacher gave me a big old smothering/mothering bear hug. I think she said, "I can't believe you got this done on time!" That is my earliest memory of procrastinating. I missed a huge amount of school on top of handing in assignments late or never doing them at all. This caused me to spend a great deal of time in the library in fifth grade because everyone had to grade each others' papers and I didn't have any to be graded. Also, I couldn't be in class as this was being done so I wouldn't be privy to hearing the answers as the teacher read them aloud. Another procrastination recollection.
I have a funny story about a time I had to see the guidance counselor at my junior high school; probably for chronic tardiness, absenteeism, and bad grades. It's been so long now, I don't quite remember. He asked me if I procrastinated and I thought I heard him say masturbated. I tried not to look like I was about to fall on the floor from shock. Even though I have a pedantic vocabulary I had never heard that word before. I think I got the gist of it during the course of our conversation. Anyway, he thought the solution to my problem(s) was for me to get an alarm clock.
Spoiler Alert: This story stops being funny now. The school nurse, however, was significantly savvier than he was and told me whatever it was that was going on in my life if I ever wanted to talk to her about it that I was more than welcome to at any time. My French teacher even went so far as to pick me up and take me to school as well as giving me much (needed) support and encouragement. I have thought about and wanted to thank them for this, but I found out far, far too late that they have both passed away. I never got to. And I'll never get to. When I found out, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. That is procrastination...