Dear Fellow Members,
Hello, my name is Spazz and I'm a procrastinator. When I was in first grade I never got my assignments done on time. I didn't know I was supposed to and I couldn't have even when I did eventually figure that out. I remember one day handing one in on time and my first grade teacher gave me a big old smothering/mothering bear hug. I think she said, "I can't believe you got this done on time!" That is my earliest memory of procrastinating. I missed a huge amount of school on top of handing in assignments late or never doing them at all. This caused me to spend a great deal of time in the library in fifth grade because everyone had to grade each others' papers and I didn't have any to be graded. Also, I couldn't be in class as this was being done so I wouldn't be privy to hearing the answers as the teacher read them aloud. Another procrastination recollection.
I have a funny story about a time I had to see the guidance counselor at my junior high school; probably for chronic tardiness, absenteeism, and bad grades. It's been so long now, I don't quite remember. He asked me if I procrastinated and I thought I heard him say masturbated. I tried not to look like I was about to fall on the floor from shock. Even though I have a pedantic vocabulary I had never heard that word before. I think I got the gist of it during the course of our conversation. Anyway, he thought the solution to my problem(s) was for me to get an alarm clock.
Spoiler Alert: This story stops being funny now. The school nurse, however, was significantly savvier than he was and told me whatever it was that was going on in my life if I ever wanted to talk to her about it that I was more than welcome to at any time. My French teacher even went so far as to pick me up and take me to school as well as giving me much (needed) support and encouragement. I have thought about and wanted to thank them for this, but I found out far, far too late that they have both passed away. I never got to. And I'll never get to. When I found out, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. That is procrastination...
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Spazz: Two things!
1) Loved the story. I must admit I was laughing thoughout it. I think this is because I tend to see the humor in stuff - even moving tales, such as yours.
2) Regarding your parents....I must say that when I look at my mother, I find forgiveness to be overrated. So, don't sweat it. I can't honestly say that she was doing the best she could have been doing. Period. And, you know, we all paid the price.
Beef stew! Beef stew! Beef stew!
@ Chattydo via SMT
>I can't honestly say that she was doing the best she could have been doing. Period. And, you know, we all paid the price.
Oh dear yes.
(I hope for me that it will become easier to be compassionate as I work through the damage done.)
v Best wishes SMT and Chattydo,
Hi Spazz Ma Tazz
I found this a very sad story. What age is first grade? I am thinking 5 years old and wondering why all the responsibility for getting things handed in was yours? Where is parental guidance in all of this?
I am glad to hear you got support from some adults in your life at least. Probably the school nurse and your French teacher got their thanks in seeing you make progress under their care.
v best wishes,
I want to thank you, Hooch, for the very warm welcome and sentiments. Yes, it's a sad story in a few aspects. I wanted to convey a strong cautionary tale in just how much devastation procrastination brings in those things that will forever remain undone and words that will forever remain unspoken. I hope maybe in my prayers, those I cared about who have gone before me can know just how much I miss and love them.
As for where my parents were during those all important early, formative years; I used to think quite a bit that they should have done a much better job than they did. Some of that is warranted, but now that I am old enough to be president and have enough years of living, wisdom, & hindsight behind me I realize that they did the best they could. I was too young and blinded by my own pain at the time to know that. So I cut them slack for that and my take away is that I will try to do things differently and better than they did. I also wish I had forgiven them a lot sooner than I did, things would have been better for us all.
Thank you for taking the time to read my introduction to Procrastinators Anonymous, responding to me, & wishing me well. I've felt much isolation in my life and you have made me feel validated. I see such a supportive community here and want to help others as much as I have been helped. Take care Hooch.
If not now, when?
Hi spazz ma tazz
I read your introduction and I can sympathize. I NEVER got my work done in time.
For what it's worth, I do believe that prayer works and that people we cared about who have passed on can hear us when we talk to them.
Hi Andy_B Thank-You
I was re-reading your reply to my introduction. Thank-you for taking the time to read & respond to it. It's nice to know there is someone else out there who can relate to me in NEVER having gotten their work done on time either.
That is a heart-warming sentiment you expressed in your belief that those we loved can still hear us talk to them even though they are gone. I found it comforting and saddening at the same time. Thank-you for sharing that with me.
I hope you take care of yourself.
@ Spazz Ma Tazz
Hello again Spazz Ma Tazz,
Your story resonates with me. I also know that terrible feeling of isolation. And I also know that my parents did the best they could within the limits of their own circumstancies and abilities. However, (speaking only for myself here) I found it also important to acknowledge that in some important respects they were inadequate. And that these inadequacies- and just being caught up in their own problems a lot of the time- had serious consequencies for me. I am lucky enough to have a therapist at the moment and I suppose this is one of the topics for me, how to avoid blaming someone but at the same time acknowledge their responsibility.
I think you are being hard on yourself saying you should have forgiven earlier. I know for myself, that letting go that rage takes time. I hope you can find the space you need to continue to deal with and process these subjects.
I also hope you will continue to find community here at P-anon. I feel myself at home here amongst people who have similar troubles to myself.
wishing you the very best!
Replying to Hooch's Reply to My Reply
I still feel like crap from earlier today (not because of your replies to my Sometimes Someday Never Comes... post, I just wanted you to know that), but I couldn't resist having a little fun with that subject line, even though I feel I shouldn't be entitled to any fun whatsoever, for - indefinitely. Anyway, it took me a long time to respond to your very touching & moving story. Precisely because it struck so close to home for me. Thank-you for sharing it with me (and others as well).
You articulated feelings I wasn't prepared to face again. I thought I had long ago dealt with these issues, but they never really go away. What you said hit a nerve & I was afraid to open Pandora's Box once more.
I have my doubts about that old "Time Heals All Wounds" shite (excuse my British), I mean adage. I think it simply places those events farther in the mind's rear view window. Which is not to say that distance doesn't help. Although, this morning I heard Dr. Ravi Zacharias on Joyce Meyer quote a man he'd met who said, "I used to think time is a healer. Time is not a healer. Time is a revealer of how God does the healing." Maybe I will come to see that
somedayin time. Also, there are some books by cognitive researcher, Dr. Caroline Leaf that address this topic.
Yes, I enjoy the community here & have come to think of it as my home away from home. It is even my home page.
Wishing you all the best as well.
@ SMT, reply to a reply to a reply
It is just such a humdinger of an issue, isn't it. If those who love us most, and whom we love, treat us badly, what does that teach us about what we are worth and what we can expect from others? For me, it permeates every aspect of my relationship with other people.
And in my case, how can I be close to my mother and make sure she knows how much she means to me, when so many aspects of her behaviour are so unreasonable and drive me away.
I am British too SMT, BTW. Also now living abroad.
I did not mean to rake up old wounds for you here. (Altho maybe these things are never too far from the surface.)
Wishing you courage,