Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Mole faces the Mountain
Mole faces the Mountain
Joining this group and exploring the site has given me a lot of food for thought and nudged me into examining my procrastinating behaviours. I also thought I might post some of my coping mechanisms for what they are worth (perhaps that will be in a second post).
The concept of internalised demand resistance strikes a very strong chord, and explains the fact that my siblings are also procrastinators but neither parent was. We come from a home where one parent considered any form of relaxation weak-charactered, self-denial was a virtue, and who told us what to think and believe, regarding any questioning of values as an act of aggression. Life was regulated by timers. I find this hard to write as my parents were loving, interesting, admirable who tried hard and had much more difficult pasts to contend with. If they were alive today I think they would be horrified with my interpretation.
The more important something is to me the more likely i am to procrastinate, whether it is a book l am writing or a friend's birthday, or something that is crucial to my health or finances.
The more worried l am about letting someone down the more likely l am to procrastinate.
The closer i come to achieving something the more likely i am to procrastinate. As soon as i become aware that things are going well when i am writing l come to a dead halt, go to the loo, make a cup of tea, or become overwhelmed by sleep.
I am afraid of the phone, afraid of letting people down, afraid of intimacy, afraid of not living up to expectations, of disappointing people.
I am also a hoarder and completely overwhelmed by the stuff around me and what would have to be done to clear the backlog. Making choices about what to keep and what to discard permeates my physical and creative environment and l feel as if l am not in control. I find that if I want to get something done there is often such a chain of things that has to be done first that l end up not doing anything - (this week i needed a new drainpipe, but in order to reach it the plumber had to get through the back gate which is jammed shut because roots have expanded. The gate will have to be broken down which then makes the yard insecure....). I am too ashamed to invite people to my house.
I have achieved quite a lot with my in denial activities: phD, numerous other projects in the public domain. I have good friends and for the most part enjoy my life but I often feel as if I am just wading through mud - my own worst enemy.