Friday August 17, 2012

Hi and good wishes to all!

My short list for today:

early teeth care, pills, astragalus
make progress on Z
eat and take Rx and Yin Chao, maybe some other supplements

update wiki
scan or make a pass through job email
pick an eval item or related email and do the next action for it 4 times

shower, ?wash hair, etc
take E course?
further password changing?

unload/load dishwasher
do QG & Dr. P exercises
evening teeth care

Bonus unlisted items done:

emailed D

Solidarity with certain item, sorry, forgot no advice or feedback. :)

Good morning.

Today my main goal is to "FACE EVERYTHING AND RECOVER" (deal with FEAR)

Okay, well maybe I won't face everything, but I can face some things. Really the goal is to do this in a RELAXED manner. I can't afford the panic attacks anymore. Today I will detach and observe, and not attach my whole being to each thing/task in my life. I will leave the details to my Higher Power. I will be in the world doing the tasks, but not OF the world, kind of like floating. If I don't attach myself to the world then I dont' have to be afraid of it. 

Call leasing office

PRIORITY: WORK AND APPLY FOR WORK, PERIOD!!!

Write 10 articles: though it may be insane to keep trying this, it's the only job I have. If I do 10 a day for 5 days, I could pay rent by next Friday. Am I wiling to go for it?

Apply to: agency job (see email); two jobs I found on site

Look through LinkedIn jobs on: groups; and agencies

Submit resume on agency sites

Email agency people 

LATER:

After payment: buy paper, ink, and gas

Short workouts 

Go out tonight, possibly practice

All public assistance tasks will be done Sat-Mon:

Call electric service for info

Read over the applications, then fill them out

Read info on websites, then compare to apps

Call several agency offices for info based on what I read

Either have someone else meet me to pay for gas, or wait till afternoon
payment to get gas -- then, if time, drive to agency to turn in apps, or
wait till Monday to do it. 

"If you feel you're about to drown, remember Tool 1 and Break .. It .. Down"

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank clockypants for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone CLA meeting

2. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA activity line

3. Cook and eat breakfast

4. Take shower

5. Get dressed

6. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

7. Read my version of the Third Step Prayer

8. Read the meditations

9. Cut onions

10. Get medicine ready for the next two weeks

11. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

12. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

13. Cook and eat lunch

14. Prepare dinner

15. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone OA meeting

16. Go to work at 5:30 p.m.

17. Go to the 10 p.m. telephone DA meeting

18. Do numbers

Thanks for letting me share

• up early
• clean house
• readings
• ring sponsor
• practise for exam today
• pay rent at bank 
• pay coomputer clinic and pick up harddrives
• go to do exam
• coursework

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

I'm so angry at myself for waking up late.  I am sick and tired of this,
yet have not had the strenght to get up early because I've been "on my
own" and not accountable to anyone.  So I am making a pledge here for  a
few days.  In the very least I'd like to start waking up at 7am, but in
order to work out in the morning I need to wake up at like 5:45am
(start getting ready for bed at 9:45pm), which is my ultimate goal.  But
now today I slept in until nearly 10:30am.  So tomorrow, Saturday, I
want to wake up by 10:00am. (Did this.)

Sunday 9:30am (1:30am)(Did this.  But did not prepare for bed last night, however I did lie down on my bed and fall asleep at before 12:30am)

Monday 9am (1 am) (Did this but did not brush my teeth or shower that night.)

Tuesday 8:30am  (12:30am) Did this
but did not brush my teeth or shower last night, just passed out on the
couch.  Apparently I really need to respect this "get ready"
recommendation time.  I need to do this because I need to be well-rested
if I'm going to be functional enough to go running, work life, or being
able to wake up on time the next day.  Tiredom has cascading effects. 
So I'm committing to getting ready for bed at midnight tonight (or
however quickly I come home), and doing thirty minutes of exercise
before that time, because it helps me to stay positive and feel good
about myself.  Also brushing my teeth at night makes time in the morning
for other things.

Wednesday - woke up at 10am again, Thursday -woke up at 8:35pm, but lay asleep on couch until 8:45am or such.  I did not exercise last night and I watched a DVD, which apparently was not a good way to make myself sleep.  Only working out and brushing my teeth seem to work. But of course I must take my vitamins first.So I am now recommitting to this program, because I need to start waking up at 5:45pm and going to the gym.  It's thrive or die.

Friday by 8:30am (12:30am)(Did this)

Saturday 8am (12 am)

Sunday by 7:30am (11:30pm)

Monday by 7:00am (11pm)

Tuesday by 6:30am (10:30pm)

Wednesday by 6:00am (10:00pm)

Thursday by 5:45am. (9:45pm)

Getting to sleep at the accompanying times is recommended, topline behavior. It's not the bottomline.  I must
brush my teeth at night as it is the first inducer to go to sleep.  I
know that I only stay up because I get horribly bored and lonely, so I
end up watching streaming television until I cannot keep my eyes open. 
Mostly out of loneliness, depression, obsession or a pure feeling of not
having any fun, but waking up earlier will permit me to have fun at the
gym before I leave.  Moreover, waking up on time will allow me to
attend social engagements that I'm now kicking myself for not being able
to attend due to my waking up at this time (namely a company department
party).   I am really angry at myself and embarrassed at all the
stares, but this isn't about other people, this is a life problem that I
have, and it has nothing to do with the particular job.  This could be
any job and I'd still have this problem and that stagnancy horrifies
me.  Perhaps not enough, which is why I'm posting this here.  Once I
reach my commitment as specified above, I will decide whether to recommit to a new thing after that,but I
just want to give myself a chance to make that decision, and to make
decisions about my own personal timing.