I'm 22 and procrastination is ruining my life.

"The most painful part is that I am the most ambitious person I know, desperate to be creative and productive. I spend my time reading pointless bs on the net or watching tv."

I'm right there with you, buddy. I'm 32, at university, desperately trying to get the hang of my PhD, and all the while I feel my head is just filled with "pointless bs" which is the only word for it. It's funny having it there because you can take it out in funny moments and watch the hilarity unfold, but it doesn't do anything for you in the long run.

I get home from work or university and after dinner I sit in front of my machine (which I've already spent the last 8 hours on when I'm at university) for the next 4 hours cycling through Facebook, Twitch.tv, YouTube and spending the rest playing stuff on Steam, all the while generally not really doing anything that satisfies OR gets me anywhere.

At some point along the way I have read that your brain gets addicted to what I would like to call "computer activity" (anything from games, tublr blogs, funny videos, you get the idea) because it's a simple, routine activity with instant and constant reward. Only trouble is, you start needing this gratification constantly because that's what it relies on. AND other mental activities like reading and acquiring knowledge become just not as gratifying.

So what do I do? Luckily I have a job that satisfies me, I have started to eat more conciously and healthier (though still working on that), I have started going to the gym and have taken up squash which is awesome.

Basically how i see it, and what keeps me going, is that you have to tackle one thing at a time, make it good and make it last - don't fall back into old habits. One thing at a time! Say, no more picture blogs. make the concious decision! You know WHY you don't want to spend time on them. They are good reasons, you can be positive about them. And don't get me wrong, it's tough! It's oh, so difficult. But if you get into the habit of feeling good about simply changing one small thing (having a shower and a very aware, concious way every day/time might be a start) you'll be able to feel good about changing other things that bother you.

Also, you talk about not wanting others to know about your problems, especially people close to you because you don't want to hurt them. I'm with you on that too. But you need an outlet for the frustration. A way of coping, a way of scouring through all those issues you're not tackling by procrastination. A counsellor can be such an outlet to begin with - just someone unrelated who'll listen, maybe give you ideas how to deal view certain things in a different light and generally give you advice. But ultimately you'll need someone close you can trust and who you can open up to, because in the long run, having a friend to confide in is just soooooooo much more staifying than counselling.

The bottom line:

• You're not alone.
• make yourself happy by being happy about the little things that go well.
• talking to people is awesome and will make you feel good. 

I read your post yesterday, and I have thought about if I should say this, and I don't even claim to be right, but it might help you, even though at first it might sound a bit harsh.

I am little bit older than you at nearly 28 and I was in your position once.

When I was your age I had a real crisis, thinking about all that I had planned for my life  (at this and that age I want to have reached this and that goal), and how far I had actually come was clearly nowhere near.

In highschool I was an overachiever like you and very ambitious. But then some tragic things happened, and I suddenly was responsible for a lot more than just school. I was overwhelmed and afraid, and watched TV and surfed the internet to just push it all away. I felt like I had betrayed myself and somehow also my parents. That created just more procrastination. 

I always thought I wanted to become a lawyer, but I found that it incredibly hard to do and I felt like in a cage. After my darkest hours I realised the reason I wanted to become a lawyer was because I wanted to help people. Helping people can be achieved in plenty of different ways. And as soon as I was open to new ideas and plans, I found a great subject that suited me perfectly. It was not a great career-building degree and I was one of the oldest ones to start, but I loved it, and if you love something you will be good at it. And this led me on to a lot of opportunities. Not saying I don't still feel down sometimes or procrastinate, but overall I am satisfied with my life, which I never thought I would be back then. 

 

Sorry for the long rant, but what I basically wanted to say was (skip here for the message):

Find out what it the very core reason why you wanted to study fashion. Does it have to be fashion design?
What are your best traits? What is it you do that makes you feel glowing and happy? Are there other possibilities of living out this inclination?

And you may feel like all your friends are far ahead of you, and feel
like you will never keep up, but you don't have to keep up with them. I
think taking the long road has many experiences that will make you
stronger and better than all of the people who did it all right at the
right time. (Many of my far-ahead friends complain about their jobs, for example.)

And really, if you have hit the lowest point and you feel as bad as it sounds from your post, it can only get better.  I think sometimes we have to give up old, useless dreams to stop the regrets and become wide open to escape from the box these dreams have built for us. 

You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or
perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894)

A lot of what you wrote seems like I wrote it myself. You do have a firm grasp of your ambitions but there's that painful lack of follow-through. And there's the uncomfortable habit of lying to those who may innocently ask about your welfare. The colloquial "how are things?" or "what have you been doing?" normally set off a litany of evasions or half-truths to mask the fact that I spend my time much like you do: Internet surfing, seething over other peoples' successes, ultimately feeling depressed and hopeless about not doing something with my own life. Whole days are wasted, then weeks, months and years; and all the time you may be looking back and wondering how it turned out this way. The Internet is poison for some people.

Are you certain that fashion design is your true calling? I apologise for second-guessing but a lot of time can be spent obsessing over what one "ought to do" to realise your dream, but it might be better to re-evaluate what you really want and who you really are. I'm not sure, but there's a part of me that thinks our chosen passion may not be true if there's no action behind it. If one were passionate about it, one would have no problem pursuing it, I think sometimes. The easy solution - "drug of choice" - that fuels procrastination normally doesn't bring much joy after a while, but there's a part of us that genuinely enjoys it. I hope you are certain about your interest. 

- "A procrastinator's work is never done."