Hi, newbie here - Cinderella
Hello, fellow procrastinators!
Wow. When I found out about this website the other day, I just... I don't even know how to describe it. I was actually looking for "is procrastination an addiction" on Google when I found it. It must have been 4 AM and I couldn't sleep, nor could I do anything productive of all the things I should have done by then - does this sound familiar to you? - and then I found this, I read some of the articles and posts, and... Wow. I can't put into words the relief I felt when I realised I wasn't the only one who felt that way... Yet, at the same time, it felt incredibly sad to acknowledge that procrastination can be an addiction, a disease...
Anyways. Here's my story:
I've been a procrastinator for all my life -- which is not much, I suppose, as I'm fairly young. Still, I'm old enough to realise this is a problem.
I'm increasingly being unable to meet deadlines in just about any aspect of my life, from work to my personal life. I'm late for work, I overdue projects, I take too long to respond emails, I'm ALWAYS late. I go from days when I barely sleep to days when I oversleep and can't move from bed. Or I feel like I can't go to bed some nights and spend forever looking for stuff on the Internet...
On top of all of these traits, which I suppose are common to most of you, I binge eat. I somehow manage to avoid cooking as much as I can. I'm nowhere to keeping a healthy diet, cooking healthy food, etc. I can't manage to have breakfast, lunch and dinner every day at around the same time -- does this happen to someone else around here?? -- then I go through days when my body and my brain feel that I just have to bing eat whatever I can and as much as I can take. I feel like I shouldn't do it, then I do it, then I feel like crap. I tend to do it when no one is around because I don't want anyone to see me binge eat. That's how ashamed I feel about myself.
Whenever I try to explain any of these things to the people who surround me, all I get is "Come on, that's okay, we all do it, you just need discipline, it's no big deal". But I know it is a big deal!!! It is a big deal for me!!! I feel like I'm more and more disappointed in myself than I can take. I try to change, but I always get back to where I was. Where I am. Feeling helpless about myself.
You can't believe how much it means to me just to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.
Keep in touch,
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Sometimes, we feel anxiety about doing tasks, and that makes us feel like we have a hole in our hearts.
And then we try to fill that unquenchable hole with procrastination or food.
And it doesn't work!
What works for me is finding something uplifting to help me.
Uplifting thoughts, philosophies, music, exercise ...
... something bigger/wider than my own narrow perspective.
I don't over-research this.
I just welcome the uplift in a simple way.
This helps me to function -- despite any anxiety.
Eventually the anxiety itself begins to ease.
Thank you! :)
I wish I could fill my anxiety with exercise -- it'd kill two birds with one stone -- mind me, my disastrous eating habits are not exactly the best way to be fit!
I do need to find something uplifting. Something to fill the whole. The problem is -- I don't even know what it may be yet.
Congratulations on taking a big step towards fighting a life-long problem. It must have been a wonderful sensation when you first found this site.
Like many people on this site you experience problems with balance, and I suspect almost all of it is brought about by unproductive avoidance rather than overzealous perfectionism. I'll define the latter as the obsession with creating the ideal product or solution; it amounts to doing busy work that distracts you from critical responsibilities.
You and I have similar eating habits. Instead of getting into a habit of cooking regularly - or even something obscenely simple like cutting up fruit or making a sandwich - we avoid this simple task. I binge eat as well; instead of taking just a few biscuits, carrots, steak. I'll eat damn near the entire amount. I'm like a rabbit with carrots; one kilo is gone like 'that.' The binge eating is either instant gratification (i.e., addictive personality) or follows the belief that I have to eat "the right way" or else I shouldn't do it at all. Guess what? Instead of looking for alternative solutions I procrastinate, avoiding what I've tried to convince myself is the correct way. Hours later when I'm famished I'll look for anything to satisfy. The same goes for the Internet. I say I have to stay in front of the computer and use it as the marvellous tool it is; hours later when I tire of the inner monologue that's trying to shame me into doing something productive I give up and fool around. Even sleep is avoided for whatever reason, maybe because it's associated with more chores like brushing teeth and locking up the house that I also like to avoid.
Anyway, welcome aboard. I sincerely hope PA helps you.
- "A procrastinator's work is never done."
Thanks for your words! :)
It was wonderful to find this site, yes.
I think my procrastination is a mixture of unproductive avoidance and overzealous perfectionism. Most of the times I'd say it's the former, but the latter hit me pretty bad just recently. All I can say is that having to write thousands of words on a regular basis is not the nicest task for a procrastinator...
It's really interesting that we have similar eating habits. I kind of suspected it was probably going to be like that for at least someone else here. Why do we avoid simple tasks like cooking, though? It's horrible -- I can't even answer that for myself. I do feel like there's something I'm avoiding, but I still haven't really found out what it is.
Hello Cinderella, and welcome to the community!
The chatbox feature on the website is something you may find helpful, there are often people online who can "burst" (small durations of productive time we set aside) with you, to develop better habits.
Thank you very much! :)
I'll give the chatbox a try at some point. Although I feel fine now, I'm sure sooner or later procrastination will get me feeling awful again...