I've come to realize that my frequent lack of motivation to do stuff like practice, is because of loneliness.
Whenever I'm around inspiring people, I don't really have problems doing what I should. But I live alone and most of my study time I plan myself and do in surroundings where people come and go a lot, so theoretically I could go days without meeting anyone. Things are not that bad though. I do have a couple of good friends, and I'm also somewhat included in a larger group that throws parties and hangs out every now and then.
But I do feel that I spend more time alone than I want to. I'm somewhat afraid of asking the people I know if they want to go do something, because I feel like they have other things to do. I know they like me, but I don't always feel like I'm a priority in their lives. I'm also vulnerable when it comes to rejection, because I fear that my friends might ditch me, if I get too pushy.
That's the situation.
What I want to do, is to become more proactive and take more chances. It's so easy thinking that people should come to me, but that's not how the world works for of right now.
Be around more people
Be an attractive person (in general, not just appearance)
Have social skills, so I can get in touch and connect with people
Stay in touch (especially with new people: remember to get contact information)
My plan is to work on one of the steps at least a few times a week to start with. The 'being attractive' step is sort of already in progress, as my daily routines are things like studying what I love, working out, eating well, earning money, reading interesting books and so on. These are things that I do for their own sake, so I'll not mention them alot in this thread.
I hope this log will be a helpful tool in my social progress.
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That's me, as well. I sometimes feel I exist in a vacuum where it doesn't really matter what I do or if I do anything; and I spend far too much time on my computer because it's where I've got company.
That's me, exactly
I'm somewhat afraid of asking the people I know if they want to go do something, because I feel like they have other things to do. I know they like me, but I don't always feel like I'm a priority in their lives. I'm also vulnerable when it comes to rejection, because I fear that my friends might ditch me, if I get too pushy.
That's me exactly. My husband died 7 months ago, and I have the same fears. I am trying to remember back to the time when I was single and fancy-free (I didn't get married till I was 39) because I didn't have this problem then.
I'm trying to remind myself of how I feel when someone asks me to go do something. If I've already got something on or don't fancy it, I know I just say "I'm sorry I can't make it" (with or without a reason), but I don't feel the person who has asked me is being pushy; I just feel how nice it was of them to ask me. So when I ring someone up, I try to remind myself that that is how they probably feel.
Are there any other sort of group activities you could go to? I go to Quaker meeting on Sundays, a lace-making class on Wednesday evenings, and I've just started attending a Tai-chi class. I get the company, but I'm not imposing myself on individuals. And I started to make friends within those groups.
best wishes for your new project
Hope things going better...
Hard to belive Aprils' come and gone but I hope you're feeling more surrounded by people. Keep persisting, human interaction brings its trials but at the end of the day is what it's all about!
Meanwhile - we're here...
Thanks for the kind words ya'll! Yes, being around like minded people is always inspiring.
Hi Steppin, Yes, you
Yes, you definitely need to be around like minded people who are on the same level as you or higher. That way you both can cheer each other on.
Best wishes for this, Steppin! I really like your plan, and the idea of doing it as a special project. Seems very wise to me! Yay, you! \/
Hi S, something I found that helped was the chatbox, like minded people working together.hope it can work for you. (it took me a year to even try it) V