New here and need support
I am so glad I found this site. I am a chronic procrastinator. Some times are worse than others. I am very troubled by my tendency to procrastinate and it makes me feel extremely ashamed of myself. I have never before considered myself lazy, but that word along with unmotivated describes me to a T now. I have always been a type A, a list maker, a goal-oriented person. I stress myself if I can't accomplish things. I find relaxing very hard to do. I try to relax, but if I have "stuff" to do, I can't relax until I get it done. I am always thinking, analyzing, multi-tasking and checking off my to do list.
I think this strong type A drive I have and inability to relax is why I am here now. I think I have done too much, stressed myself out too much in the past and have a very low tolerance for stress now. I am an all or none person. I don't do anything half-assed. If I can't do it to the best of my ability, I don't do it at all.
I've been through lots of stress in my life (as we all have). I've been a single mom and homeschooled my son while working full time. He's grown now, so now I am back in nursing school pursuing my master's degree. I still work full time and have remarried, so I have those stressors in addition to school and work. I just think with my personality, things that may not stress others or cause them little stress may cause me a LOT of stress. I don't know how to be any other way. I wish I wasn't so wound up, honestly.
My biggest problem right now is I am taking an Algebra class that I have to take this semester. I have put it off for as long as I can and I cannot progress to taking any more classes until I take this class. It's a self-paced course and I had been doing some of the Math practice until 2 weeks ago. I got stuck on an Algebra problem and it took me 2 hours to solve it. I literally put my head down on my table and cried I was so frustrated. Since that day, I haven't touched the Math. I always create diversions, distractions and excuses. Anything to not have to sit down and do more Math. The bottom line is I am afraid. I am afraid of the level of stress I experienced 2 weeks ago and I don't want to feel that way again. I tried to drop the class but it was too late to drop it without receiving an F. I think I am going to fail it anyway; there are only 3 weeks left in the semester and I am afraid I will not be able to get caught up at this point.
Can anyone relate to what I am saying? I think about this Math constantly. I can't enjoy anything b/c the Math is not going to go away. I won't be at peace until I just get it over with and do the Math. I start beating myself up and berating myself for being so lazy and unmotivated.
Just a few mins ago, I tried to sit down and do the Math. I started crying! Guess what I did? Got on this site instead of doing Math.
I feel like I'm weak and a coward. I've never been this way before (I've always procrastinated-but not to this extent). I always tackled my problems head-on for the most part. I've always considered myself a strong person. Maybe it's b/c I am getting older, but like I said earlier, my stress tolerance gets lower and lower every time I have a stressful thing happen. I sometimes feel like my reserves are empty when it comes to stress and there is nothing else left to tap into.
Any support or advice would be so helpful. I'd just like to know I am not alone and there are others like me!