Saturday 20 November 2010

So I was up ALL night. . .so gonna try and take it a little easy today lol.

List
-Vitamins/BP#1/Fe#1
-BP#2/Fe#2
-Figure out how to work thing
-Look up prof's info
-Decide between PS or lab today
-Unpack hospital bag
-Yesterday's leftover things
-Lab Data Table #1
*Lab Report- optional

Will adjust when I figure out what I need to do. . .so out of it.

Hi Everyone,

 

My basics: checking in and showing up; checking calendar (caught a conflict today & just sent an email to move an appt); reading (done); affirmation (done); gratitudes (done). 

My word for yesterday was "surrender." I was working on a project that I thought I could turn in on Monday and found out that the person will be out of town. I went to the place of "why didn't I get this done earlier" -- and a PA friend said getting hard on yourself isn't the answer. It's time to surrender. The get down on your knees moment.  A different PA friend and I discussed later that not accepting certain things about ourselves and staying in certain ego states -- works against surrender.  

Procastinators can do anything once, or even occasionally.  The challenge is to do things consistently - like getting to work on time twenty-nine out of thirty days.  My goal is to help me be more consistent.  I also want to procrastinate less.  Notice the word is "less," not "never".  No one can be perfect.  So even with my best effort and best program, I will still blow it sometimes.  

I've seen other people post topics on "what does abstinence mean in this program?"  I was looking for a black and white to define my abstinence at first and I realize that isn't working for me due to my own ADHD (which I know is a neurological developmental disorder but I've never accepted its limitations in total).  Now I am finally learning to accept that on some projects it will take me 3 times as long to do something as someone else -- and it's not just perfectionism that takes the increased time, it's my way of working [needing some breaks, being susceptible to distractions like other phone calls or seeming emergencies].

I will be happier starting with reasonable expectations and flexible objectives.  If I have unreasonable expectations or set objectives carved in stone, I'll be disappointed (or worse in terms of my own self view). How can I ever be satisfied with the results of my work towards procrastination if my attitude is, "If I achieve my expectations, I will be satisfied with myself; if I fall short, I have no choice but to be dissatisfied and hard on myself or unhappy"?

A better approach for me and my guiding philosophy, is:

• Change what I can.
• Accept the rest.
• Surrender
• Progress not perfection.

I can develop strategies to help me be more consistent, effective and efficient, but there are limits to what I can achieve.  The good news -- and what I MUST remind myself --  is that perfection isn't necessary. Even a little progress can make a major difference in my life, work, finances, self-esteem and relationships.  So progress not perfection is my thought for today and everyday.

For example, my employees and clients may be quite happy if, instead of me being twenty minutes late to meetings three times a week, I can reduce it to being ten minutes late once a week.  I won't be batting a thousand, but everyone else may be more understanding if I'm doing well otherwise.  Or if I don't get my billing timesheet done every day but instead of going a month before I do them, I go no more than a week -- everything will run smoother and the billing will get out in a timely manner.

These type of goals are more attainable, and more motivating! I've tried the perfectionist schedule, unrealistic goals (that are not in touch with my ADHD brain). I spent yesterday afternoon in a meeting where I was very creative and impressed the others in the meeting. Was I late for the meeting? Yes. I was working on the other late project. [Big surprise there.]

So -- I realize that I need more realistic goals. These goals include:

(1) to create more structure in my daily life and schedule [old way of thinking is to follow a strict schedule that's impossible to keep];

(2) to be more consistent in sticking to my built-in structure and schedule [old way was to be perfect];

(3) , to decrease the number of times I let myself get distracted, to procrastinate less, to lessen my impulsivity, to decrease the distractions and temptations in my environment. 

Although I can find pefectionist challenges energizing, the reality is unachievable goals are in the long run demoralizing.  Sometimes, less is more.  Less lofty goals can help me give myself credit for the progress I make, and it puts me in a better position to admit my shortcomings but still stand my ground.

For example, the old me would say that I will not use the internet for nonwork purposes for 30 days.  Now I can tell myself, I will use the internet less for nonwork purposes and set a timer and I will spend less time on it than I did before. 

I can tell myself, "I'm still spending more time on the Internet than I would like, but I've been working on it and I'm doing better.  I'll keep working on it, but I don't know how much better I'll be able to do, at least all the time.  Besides, some of the time I spend on the Internet is very useful to my business and myself (like this site)." 

What I'm doing today: 

   Project R: 3 hours - Done; Project A - 15 min - Done; Project M 8:55 - 10:15; Project Admin 10:15 - 12:05

tracy-la

Show up (done) Pray for guidance from my hp, accept what I cannot change, courage to change things I can and wisdom to know difference.

Had a mjor older son "gteen" disaster last nite & 3 hr sleep/

But still showing up and looking for next right ction Thanks for being here.

pm ck in- hp provided temp answer for "teen situation". did 4 hr report with younger son & finished, store, organized, was ok until I started feeling sorry for myself. The minute I let the thought "I did not do anything to deserve.." it was like picking up, Thinking anything in terms of "I deserve" or "I do not deseve" works as a neurological mental defibrillator, powering up my cunning, baffling and powerful blocks that keep me from any kind of recovery. So   rest of tonight, get out of self and do think of others first, to prevent detection.