Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

A conflict of mind and heart...

I was in a bad mood yesterday, and my body was paining & head was heavy and hurting. 

Cause: Well, the problem is at work. I'm in the IT industry(in India). I don't like what I'm doing. I've just started out, about 3 months back. Everyone says I'm lucky to have a job when most of my classmates are looking for one or have landed one with a lower pay. It's not the best company, but it's not a bad company. Well recognized too.

I tend to get affected by
pressure; if people come off strongly. I can ask questions when I
don't understand something, but I don't like going back again and again after I've said that I understood. I hate feeling dumb. It really gets
me down. I
realize it, and did so even yesterday. But it still affected me. Well, I
guess it's better than before when the reactions would be stronger. I
decided to stick it out and finish the work. {Though, right now, it's really just because of this one guy at
work; he's my senior and I'm to assist him; we have a communication
problem - when he tries to speak in English, I can't understand him; and
when he gives instructions, I find them incomplete.  And thus I never really understood. I'm not laughin' at
him, I'm just typing it out.} 

I think it may be the reason my head was hurting, though it could well
be because I'm sick. But yeah, it did put me in a state of despair. I
wanted to quit the job; it's all I think of when I am sad and at work.
And I rarely feel happy at work; the smallest thing sets me down a
spiral of sadness, though I am trying to compose myself and build a
stronger constitution. I don't know what to do. On one hand I want to
quit this job; I have ideas, I can think. And on the other, I feel
scared and also think, sometimes, that this thing is putting me out of
my cocoon and comfort zone and will help me grow.I know we learn in
adversity what we normally wouldn't. But it also kills me inside. I fear
becoming institutionalized.

I'm an Engineer, but I never really studied.... I don't know much of Engineering; I get ideas of devices that I could make but I don't know how to go about it. I also get non-technical ideas...I learnt whatever interested me, and that I could do for hours. The idea of being in a vast library with all sorts of books excites me very much.

What I've written above may appear to be here and there; it's coz I have
been typing this for a few minutes now. It happens when I talk too.
I'll just leave it there.


I was thinking of starting a community of thinkers- lateral thinkers,
philosophical thinkers, et al- so that we could talk and discuss, find
others like ourselves. I have an autobiography of Ben Franklin, wherein
he used wonderful & still practical rules of forming such a


Well, thanks for reading. My grammar & punctuation are getting
rusty, so pardon whatever faults I've made. And if you would like to
tell me where i've made these faults or what is the orrect way of
writing the sentence or give me the general rule for it, you're most
welcome and I thank you for it. Please, be gentle...

Have a good day....



Thank you for sharing. I believe many  people in "recovery" can identify with your thought patterns.

I wish I could start a community of "laughers" . I read that there were "laughing clubs" in India. I joined a laughing club on the Yahoo groups, but no one ever posted anything. I find when I can not take myself so seriously (which is not easy for a self-critical perfectionist, brought up in a perfectionistic, critical, blaming, etc. family)I can get past whatever is blocking me. 

Hi Vali

I'm also in IT and work with a lot of people from India.   Glad to have you in the fellowship.  


Thanks Jo

Appreciate the welcoming. :)