Hello, I am me.
If you've seen David Duchovny's character in Californication, I think you pretty much know who I am (except for the whole sex thing). The self-loathing, the wasted potential, the empty existence after empty experience are all there.
I'm working on my dissertation--now on my seventh year of a four-year program. I've been procrastinating like a champ since I was a kid though. I used to brag about how I could finish things at the last minute and how well I worked under pressure. Now I just want to slap that kid.
I did fine in undergrad. The nice segmented workload made me happy. Also, I was doing engineering, so stuff was either right or wrong.
I'm in the business school now, which is actually much easier subject material, but it's not right or wrong anymore. Now it's more or less good or bad. I am supposed to send out a survey, but I will never know whether I have done it right, and once I send it out, I am stuck with the results--or the lack of them. There are no redos.
The pressure just kills me. I've identified the actions I can take to make my survey better, but I haven't figured out how to take them because I know even if I do them it can't be perfect. And I know intellectually that I just need to send out the imperfection and let it fly, but it hasn't happened in the last 2.5 years. (No joke...2.5 years.)
So that's where I am. How are you doing?