Tuesday 3 August 2010

Show up (done)

Great starter, I pondered on how strange it is that .today it accually has signficance in my life because of showing at PA. Thank you PA friends.

Grieving over the shocking loss of a friend, unexpected. How I wish I could have had one more time to talk both with my mother in law and now this person, I wonder if it is the result of my procrastination.The pain of not moving on my intention to connect and now it is too late is almost unbearable. Needless to say, not getting much done. But grateful I can still show up.

11:00 AM: My recent personal, professional, and financial setbacks created a lot of self-doubt for me and made me question aspects of my identity. However, a couple of humiliating experiences yesterday made me realize that I can't let people or circumstances buffet me about just because my self-esteem is bruised and my troubled mind is preoccupied and absent. I can take a different approach to tasks, but I have to be present in my life and have to try as hard as I can to measure twice, cut once, and move on.

On the personal front, because I am more cognizant than ever of my own failings, I have been going overboard trying to give others the benefit of the doubt. This has not made me more self-assured, it has just made me tolerate unacceptable treatment from people who don't care about me in the interest of 'going with the flow'. Time to re-inhabit myself and live in the clear eyed present.

On the task front, I am also not operating in the clear eyed present. One thing I need to try to comprehend is precisely why 'the stack' of unfinished tasks, be it at work or elsewhere, seems so daunting. I got a call about an overdue report today that has been lying untouched in my to do pile for a couple of weeks. Under stress, I quickly took a look at it, and realized my input would take all of 5 minutes, and then it would be gone forever. So I did it. Why did it seem like such a mountain yesterday, though? Certainly I was not in touch with the reality of what it *was*, only the fear and trepidation of what it *might* turn out to be. 

I know some of my tasks are 'bears' for me, and I have to wrestle with them to get them done. The question is, why do I allow *all* my tasks to weigh on me the same way? If I only had overdue 'bears', the soul crushing weight on me of unfinished work would be alleviated tremendously and I would undoubtedly *feel* a lot better. I need to suit my mental state and speed to the task at hand, not to the hardest possible task I dread. 

Today's goal: Don't fight any sleeping bears, but clean up as much of the distracting underbrush as possible. It will make the *real* bears easier to see and tackle another day.

Back to report later. 

Hi group!  Thanks for a great threadstarter, Lucky - like Rex said, this is such a happy memory, an encouraging story Mom and Dad would read us kids when we were little. :-)

This morning I got so upset by the neighbors' barking dogs - 2 yappers next door bark endlessly and eventually set off 4 large dogs in other yards, and it was mayhem for 20 solid minutes. I was literally shaking and felt I had to go confront the next-door lady whose 2 yappers always start it when she leaves them outside and ignores them. It took me an hour to calm down enough to get back on track. :-(

Today I think I can:

• send br notes from friday call
• prep for 12n team call
• pre-ap notes
• sb notes
• IS staffing needs
• lunch
• return calls and emails
• q2 summary to vr
• expenses
• 4pm call from ms
• walk dog
• dinner
• afg mtng
• bed 930

Last night I avoided caffeine and was in bed by 11, set alarm and got up on time. Yes! Otherwise, a pretty regular Tuesday. Here goes:

Prep

•  Get up by 7
• coffee, paper, water plants
• healthy breakfast
• checkins
  

Morning

• Invoce CIO
• Meals on Wheels

Afternoon

• Do 2 CIO
• Send Food10 emails
• Return recorder
• Shop for PA

Evening

• Polish new songs
• Healthy dinner
• Pick 2 more to learn
• Practice set list
• Bed by 11

Really need to cut the grass or get some exercise. I've been losing weight thanks to spending so much time on music. (It's hard to sing, play and eat at the same time, fortunately.)  But I still need to exercise. And I'm hearing jungly noises from the backyard. Worried about stumbling over a lost tribe there.

Today's plan:

scripture study and prayer

Biennial review project

Overdue Training project

take req. online courses

practice vc

HP appts

tax work

resume work

bills work

webinar - 9pm

So far today have had prayer time, checked on expts, checked on email

Here are tasks for the day, MITs in bold, next priority in italic

For today I have lots of reading:
*Talk to G re:chip, follwup reading (2-3 hours)
*Print e.o stuff (30 min)
*Start ckit reading (2 hrs)

Some expt planning:
*RA prep (1 hr)
*Write up plan, ask about B's paper (1.5 hrs)

Some data analysis:
*Doc b.t, t.h and e.r. stuff
*Study Perl and start QC scripts (have made good progress on this)

And some chores and social stuff:
*Deacon notes
*Call B
*BBQ
*Call home
*Call IA
*Ref mgmt.

OK, having a little bit of a hard time deciding what to start on. I think I'll start with the Perl.