Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Questions about site protocol
In no particular order...
Do people here generally follow the 12-step model of sharing one's 'experience, strength, hope'?
Does the birthday on my profile show up to others? If so, please remove year.
Is it a drain on resources to leave this website open in a browser?
Thanks!
scarlett
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Birthday
Just set it to 2006 :)
site protocol
>Do people here generally follow the 12-step model of sharing one's 'experience, strength, hope'?
Mostly. We do sometimes offer suggestions to each other or make observations, but gently. We don't boss each other around.
>Does the birthday on my profile show up to others? If so, please remove year.
I believe it's visible. I can see birthdays. I have admin privileges int he forum, but I think others can see it, too. In any case, you can remove the year yourself if you don't want it to be there. I have a pet peeve about forum members (any forum - I run several) asking me to do things that they can do themselves. }:)
>Is it a drain on resources to leave this website open in a browser?
No - I do that. You only use bandwidth when you refresh the page. Thanks for thinking to ask about this.
12 steps and "crosstalk"
I'm probably guilty of commenting way too much in my short time here, but of course I'm hoping others take it with a bemused, wry smile, saying to themselves, "there-goes-old-obsessive-compulsive-Jester-on-one-of-his-manic-streaks-again."
But for me, I do WANT the input. I'm not looking for sympathy. I want to get BETTER.
The reason I DON'T usually go to 12 steps or counselors is that they seem to think it's MY job to figure it all out myself. I'm thinking in the back of my mind, "Um, okay, if that's the case, then why the **&&@@!!! am I wasting my time with you? If you have answers, TELL ME dammit."
I detest the everyone-should-live-in-his-own-bubble view of the world. Seems like Hell to me.
I always like the scene in war movies where they say, "everybody comes back." I.m.o., that's how it should be. That's how the world should be.
me...
I don't like to be told what to do. And furthermore, I don't think anyone can tell me what's best for me. Only I know that since only I really know what it's like to be me. The most others can do for me is to help me to look inside myself and support me in that effort, and that's all I want from anyone.
The support I got here when I decided to close a piece of my business was wonderful - exactly what I needed. The advice-giving thing is what I get from my family all the time, and their bossiness is the root of my demand resistance.
I see now.
I *did* try and change it myself, but didn't see that the profile was a second tab. Fixed.
Thanks for thinking to ask about this.
You're welcome.
Hey?!
We do sometimes offer suggestions to each other or make observations, but gently. We don't boss each other around.
I happen to pride myself on my bossiness! :P
ps - how on earth do you manage to run 'several' forums???? I didn't know that!
Bossiness
Some people respond well to it, some don't. I don't like being pushed around and have some demand resistance, but I also value it when someone points one of my blind spots out to me. I've never felt bossed about by you Milo - you give a push at just the right level for me.
pointing out perennial to-do list items
What's most useful for me is the gentle nudge of pointing out that x item has been in my to-do list all day or several days - i.e., pointing out that I'm procrastinating!!
I really need to post what I'm procrastinating on
I just do these daily 'to do' lists, but I don't post here the list of projects that I want to work on. Looks like I'm getting things done, but just lately I feel like I'm drowning.
yes, definitely post THAT stuff!!
Definitely post all things you're procrastinating on!! When you post it, you start thinking more seriously about how you can get it done. Even when I'm here alone, I'm more sensitive to perennial to-do items when I'm posting them. Over time I become deperate to get them off my list. I think this is what triggered my latest revolution with changing my business. I was sick of seeing "client reports" and "customer email" on my list every day.
Forest or trees
I am really struggling with this. When I started here, last week, I posted the most basic stuff, whatever was on my mind, and roughly in the order I needed to do it. You know #1, get dressed, etc.
And it felt GREAT to be accomplishing stuff, instead of sitting around depressed.
BUT, it really didnt hold me accountable for making progress in my life.
There seem to be two big manifestations of my illness:
(1) getting way off schedule, dawdling, time-binging, etc. so that the normal business day is gutted;
(2) paying way too much attention TO the "schedule", so that getting dressed or checking the mail is checked off as an "accomplishment", while the back taxes or work for difficult clients never gets done.
As Normy points out, these are 2 very different things, and one can mask the other. He states that he is going to focus on the important, and hold himself accountable for the "copse," not the forest. (Had to look that up.)
I'm not sure which I should do.
I know the answer is really "both" - one of those simultaneous-focus things.
Anyway, as I get back to doing CI's and bookending, everybody please feel free to intervene brutally if you see it needs doing. I'd say, "you don't know how badly I want change in my life," but I suppose many of you actually do.
Normy
'He' is a 'she' BTW ;)
not an "illness" (JestRight)
First, don't tell yourself you have an "illness". Procrastination isn't an illness and there's nothing wrong with you. You just need to develop some better coping skills in this area.
>paying way too much attention TO the "schedule", so that getting dressed or checking the mail is checked off as an "accomplishment", while the back taxes or work for difficult clients never gets done.
Paying attention to your schedule is an accomplishment, and you should feel good about it. Let yourself feel good about it. You just need to add in a second skill - learning how to schedule your time well.
As 1Focus says, take it a little at a time. I started with morning and bedtime routines. Even if I get no farther in this process, just this has greatly improved the quality of my life. You can't imagine how I was living before. Now I get up early, get dressed right away, take my medication, and wash the dishes after every meal. Plus I go to bed at a reasonable hour, and no longer crash on the couch fully clothed with my apartment a shambles around me.
Just try for morning and bedtime routines first. And when you've been doing that for a few weeks, starting adding new things a little at a time.
Most of all, don't yell at yourself. You're working on the problem now. Go easy on yourself.
Thanks for the input
I'm not sure about whether its an illness, but I'll try your POV and see if it leads to improvement. Why not - lol - nothing to lose.
Re the small changes, I suppose youre right. I'll try to remember your comments.
Funny how patient I am with those close to me, I wish i could be that way with myself.
Difficulty in changing your life
The one thing I've discovered over the last couple years is that everything takes longer than I think it should. Changing your life takes, well, your whole life. I'm a firm believer in taking one thing at a time. If you're at a place where "basic stuff" is a challenge and that's where you at today, that's ok.
"They" say it takes 21 days to establish a new habit. And i've found I can only work on one or two new habits at a time. That's one or two a month, twelve per year? That's it? Yep.
When you look back after a year or two, you get to see how much progress you really made. Usually, when you can establish one new habit, it has a positive impact on your whole life even though you were only focused on one little thing. That's why when you look back after a year, you see a lot more progress than you see while your working through in the moment.
I don't know how it works, it's one of those universal mystery things. It just works out that way.
Progress over the years
I've been at this for about 2 1/2 years, doing it in exactly the way you describe - approx one or two habits a month. Some new habits are so much easier than the old way of doing things it takes less than a month, some take much much longer. But the difference now is huge - the habits build on each other and progress seems to be synergistic. Sometimes I felt like I was getting nowhere (sometimes I still do!), but when I look back I realise progress is being made.
And I agree, it's not an illness, it's a behaviour. Pretty much everyone has some elements of procrastination at some point in their life, but for some people it starts to interfere with everyday life, and that's when a place like this is helpful.
Stunned
This is so good I want your permission to appropriate it and send it out to friends on my mailing list as a "Thought For The Day." And maybe put it on my real estate website, when I start one.
Clean up my typos first.
:)
thanks - no problem
cleaning up typos is the kind of non-money-earning stuff at which i just SOAR.
LOL!!
I always seem to be drawn to non-money-making work, too. I don't know what it is with me and money!
Seeing it every day
I don't see it every day though, because I'm not at the same job every day, so some things ~have~ been coming up over and over, but it's only obvious to me, because I do most of my self-employed stuff on Mon, Thurs, and Fri. There's household and personal stuff too. I've been through a phase of posting everything, but I got overwhelmed, so I decided to focus on what I could realistically do. I need to get a balance between the wood and the trees (perhaps a little copse!).
several forums
>ps - how on earth do you manage to run 'several' forums???? I didn't know that!
It's not actually a great idea. 'Nuff said. 8)