Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Cry for help

Hi everyone,

I'm a doctoral student and quite possibly the luckiest person in the
world: I
get to study, teach, and do research for a living at a prestigious
institution;
I'm in good health; and I'm surrounded by amazing family, friends,
mentors,
etc.  I also think about killing myself every day.  I'm not going to
do it, so please don't be alarmed - I've seen firsthand what suicide
does to a
community, and I could never allow myself to be the cause of so much
pain to so
many people.  Besides, I have a therapist; I'm on anti-depressants; and
I've recently started taking ADD drugs.  I have no excuse whatsoever for
not getting out of bed in the morning, or watching TV on the internet
for six
or seven hours at a time. 

My apartment perpetually looks like a tornado hit it;  I can never find
anything at all.  My adviser is threatening to drop me if I don't finish
my dissertation.  I still have student papers from 2 years ago sitting
on
my desk.  I'm late everywhere I go, I owe money, I let people down on a
daily basis.  I've lost one or two friends of many years because I never
got around to calling them back.  All together, I have an email backlog
of
over 10,000 messages.  My To Do list is so long and overwhelming, I've
stopped looking at it.  I forget to get my asthma meds refilled - or I
don't have time to pick them up.  I can't make decisions about
anything. 

I realize how self-destructive all of these behaviors are.  I think I
have
always had this streak in me, but when I was in high school, and
college, I still
managed to function at a very high level.  I got my work done, and I
excelled at it.  In high school I played sports, did a million other
extracurricular activities, had a social life, and still got 8 hours of
sleep
every night.  In college, I did less of everything, but I still had a
full-enough life.  Now, I go entire days without picking up a book, or
leaving my apartment.  When I have to go out, I sneak around with a
baseball cap on, afraid of running into anyone I know, because pretty
much
everyone I know is waiting for something from me.  I spend half my life
apologizing, and the other half making excuses.  I cry all the time. 
I hate myself - or rather, I hate this person who looks like me.  I have
no idea where the real me went.

I've read every self-help book out there about managing your time, and
organizing your life, and stopping procrastination.  I've tried a
million
different systems, none of which work, though maybe that's because I
can't
stick with them.  I honestly don't know what to do or where to turn
anymore.  I think I've hit rock-bottom. 

I was on the phone the other day with my best friend, who is very
similar to me
in many ways, but who has a 9-5 job and thus accomplishes infinitely
more than
I do.  I said, in despair, "I wish there was a 12-step program for
people with my issue - or my particular combination of issues - what
would that
even be?"  So, on a whim, I googled Procrastinator's Anonymous, and
lo and behold.  I have no idea if this group can help someone like me,
but
looking around at some of the articles and postings, I think it might be
exactly what I need.  Mutual accountability and mutual encouragement
(instead of the "Just Do It" I've heard so many times I could scream
- if it were that easy, I would have DONE it by now).

Anyway, I'm sorry that this is so long.  It's actually the only thing I've done today besides cry my eyes out.  Thank you for reading.

Jenny

welcome  a daily

welcome

 a daily struggle that seems to get harder.....

what did we ever do before this pleasant forum on-line? (howsover limited but amazing and thanks to those who sustain it)

take a small bite of the "big apple" today.....and then just another one tomorrow...and.....

regards

Welcome Jenny!

Welcome! I am glad you found us! I wish I had found this board back when I was in school - so kudos to you for finding it now! This a great place to be where people understand the issue of procratination and how hard it is to overcome it, but everyone is trying despite that.

I'm still a bit new around here, always trying to get into the habit of using this site. As a somewhat newbie, I will just tell you that the check-in areas are really helpful. The check-in forum is a great place to keep track of a to-do list (I always lose mine if I just write it down!) and you can keep in simple in the beginning - it is a nice feeling (great self-esteem booster) to cross off a little task, no matter what it is.

Also, the chatbox check-in board is great. I recently started using it almost every day. I ESPECIALLY use it when I am feeling horribly depressed and don't want to do ANYTHING. I just open it up, stare at the screen, and type something I don't want to do. After seeing other people in there getting stuff done, I usually find it inspiring enough to drudge through one dreaded task. And that task leads to completing another dreaded one. Then of course it's a great feeling later in the day to know I got something done that I didn't want to do.

I hope this helps in your quest to get better! Good luck!

 

_________

LookAtYourselfAndWhatYourDoin'RightNow-StandBackAMinuteJustToCheckYourselfOut-StraightenOutYourLifeAndHowYou'reLivin'EachDay-JustKeepYourEyesOnThePrizeAndYourFeetFlatOnTheGround-MJ's "Keep the Faith"

Hi & Welcome

Glad that u found this place.I found it on google too.

I'm an engineering student.I just gave my finals.

And i went through a similar routine: Upto the 4th grade I scored above 80%, by the 10th I was on 64%, then fell to 54% in my undergraduate program(1st & 2nd year), scored 67% in my 3rd year because i just had to get into degree.

Now in my final year, I've reduced down to barely 50% in my theory.

That was about me. If ever u need a friend drop me a line.

And u don't have to reply to all posts. I say this because I used to get distressed(still do sometimes) when i saw too many posts replying to me; I felt like I had to reply to all or most & that made me feel...stressed/pressured. So, just telling u.

Welcome to Procrastinators Anonymous.

 

 

Thank you, Vali!  (Also for

Thank you, Vali!  (Also for the good advice about not HAVING to reply to everyone - I will remember that in the future.  Right now, I am just excited to be joining the community!)  Congratulations on finishing your degree!  That is a HUGE accomplishment, especially for someone who (I assume) has trouble finishing things.  WELL DONE.

Thanks

Pray for me, I'm awaiting my results for the finals(just gave my exams)

Hi Jenny   and thank

Hi Jenny

 

and thank you so much for your honest share. Welcome.

In recovery

Elina

 

 

-When I look into the future, it is so bright it burns my eyes ~ Oprah Windfrey

Thank you, Elina!  Nice to

Thank you, Elina!  Nice to "meet" you!

I've been where you are Jenny ((hugs))

Welcome Jenny!

I've been where you are before, right down to the baseball cap and unsuccessfully trying to explain to my loved ones that I can't "Just do it" or "Snap out of it" even though I'm almost tearing myself to shreds working and worrying about it.

I still intermittently go back there, but through therapy and the fantastic support of the people here who understand what that dark place feels like, I've learnt to get myself out when I fall in. Don't dispair Jenny, bit by bit things do get better!

Aw I just want to give you a hug and tell you not to be so hard on yourself. You're just going through what you're going through, you don't need a reason and it doesn't mean you're weak. This is just where your path has taken you and it's difficult to compare it to other people's paths. You deserve the luxury of muting your own self critic for a while and focusing on how to redirect your path. 

I'm glad your path has lead you to this great bunch of loving and supportive battlers and I hope we can all walk out of here together. Hope to see you back here and in chatbox soon!

xox - Goal_Allegro

Thank you, Allegro!  I read

Thank you, Allegro!  I read what you wrote about not being able to brush your teeth sometimes, and I almost cried in relief - I've had that problem lately, too, and have been too embarrassed to tell anyone, because it struck my rational mind as the very extremity of sloth - how could one POSSIBLY get any lazier that THAT?  But you know what - we are not lazy people!  We both have university degrees.  This is something else entirely, this problem.  I'm glad to know I have a sister on the other side of the world fighting the good fight with me!

(Welcome Jenny)

So many of us have similar stories. I found PA exactly the same way you did.

 Mutual accountability and mutual encouragement
(instead of the "Just Do It"),also mutual acceptance, belief that the reaal you is alive and well, and mutual understanding of  this inexplicable , baffling malfunction we somehow developed. And best of all mutual recovery. It has not been a quick fix being here, but what is my alternative? Better slow growth than no growth. Keep soming baCK.

Thanks, Vic.  Growth is a

Thanks, Vic.  Growth is a good word to use here.  It can be painful.  But if it ever stops, you die.  You are so right - I'm going to try to focus on the movement, rather than the distance.  I actually have a note on my fridge to remind myself of the (very encouraging) fact that "The law of inertia works both ways."  Yes, the longer I lie on the couch, the harder it is to get up.  But at the same time, getting a nagging task crossed off my list inspires me to try to get another one crossed off, and then another.  Maybe there's a way I can make my addictive personality work FOR me, rather than against me.  Anyway - here's to growth!