greetings from ireland

sorry for the lowercase text, its easier this way as i'm using my phone to log-in.

my name is paul and i am a grateful recovering alcoholic and chronic procrastinator.

procrastination has cost me many things down the decades - job, career, money, reputation, dignity, friends and loved ones.

whenever there is even the hint of fear associated with a task, i will put it off and make excuses. and i am talking about small things and big things. sometimes very big things.

i used the 12 steps and the fellowship of aa to recover from alcoholism and i have several decades of sobriety. but my procrastination is now threatening my recovery.

i owe a fortune to the tax people due to procrastination on papework and financial bookkeeping work. i am failng to pay my bills as i have slipped farther and farther into debt. yet i earn more than most. i just dont take care of business, claim expenses owed, bill for time worked, or deal with bills on time.

in work i do well for months on end. then suddenly fear and anxiety will rob me of motivation and self confidence and i quickly get out of control. work piles up. excuses become more extreme. reputation and trust is lost. and i move on. its the main reason i am self employed. easier to skip town and keep ahead of the possie.

my most important relationships suffer badly too. i am a people pleaser when anxious. i make too many promises (in good faith) and fail to keep them. my words are then cheap and empty. respect and trust are squandered and people drift away. conflict (or the hint that criticism may occur) makes me avoid topics, tasks and situations. fear poisons love and compassion. procrastinating on relationship stuff has cost me dearly and caused untold pain to others.

so i have made a decision to admit i am powerless over my procrastination behaviour and to get help.

i engaged a financial recovery expert who is helping me to deal with my finances.

i have been using a good system for keeping track of my work and personal task list. it helps with the normal stuff - makes me very productive. but does not handle the things i procrastinate due to fear.

i have found aa material helps and also put the 'fearless living' program by ronda britton into practice. it helped a lot - it made me see the extent of the problem. but i need my higher power and fellow sufferers and a 12 step program of recovery. just didnt know it existed until now.

so i am grateful to have found this site. and i am starting out on this program.

if nowhere else, i want to be honest about my problem here (and in the rooms of aa). lying and excuse-making have become a daily norm for me, i am ashamed to admit.

and i will do what i can to help my fellow sufferers along the way.

with respect
paul