Love how you listed highlights. And you included hard things you did to support your family members, too.
Seems like you've bravely faced some challenges.
another year-5.25.14 still much unfinished but need to look at positive
1. showed up 2got younger son graduated without my help would have flunked 3 older finished reserve training,4 we went to ga,virgin b, napeles, ft walton5. gotnice audi6 bought repo 7 rid of bf, 8 did not pick up x,y,z 9 deaalt w n legally1- mar better
hope to finish
1 ts 2 airl ck back here more
Beware of the leaves and flowers
without the strong root,they soon wither.
The higher the growth up the deeper must
be the enrooting, or work ceases to be permanent.
wOW A YEAR NOW SINCE i CHECKED IN, i CAN'T BELIEVE HOW POSITIVE i WAS. One crisis was overcome, but nothing devastating, I should be grateful, right? Instead my staying spiritually fit seem to be fading out into land of discontent.
Unfinished business still around and MB below says it so well, it doesn;t go away.
I want to address some unfinished items starting to rot my peace and serenity again. will post progress. thx
Item A- TS= need to call or e-mail
Item b= BA<SW<C go over files
Item C - getelec sig, pull up form.
Melody Beattie Language of Letting go:
"Unfinished business doesn't go away. It keeps
repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal
with it, and heal. That's one lesson we are learning in recovery.
of us didn't have the tools, support, or safety we needed to
acknowledge and accept pain in our past. It's okay. We're safe now.
Slowly, carefully, we can begin to open ourselves up to our feelings. We
can begin the process of feeling what we have denied so long - not to
blame, not to shame, but to heal ourselves in preparation for a better
It's an acceptance process. It moves us from
our past, into today, and into a better future - a future free of
sabotaging behaviors, a future that holds more options than our past.
I have made a major move on to unfinished business item. Looking like I will need help but not humble or willing enough to get it. need to pray. want to make a listt soon.
Well done Vic! Way to go!xo
Really want to beat myself up but need to acknowledge my successes.
1. have "showed up" consistently as per my definition.
2. HAVE NOT relapased in any other 12 step programs.
3. Homeschooled my son through 11th grade, had remarkable results.He exceeded my expectations,even though it took all my time.
4. Older son graduated going into reserve next week and got him signed up for community college.
5. did lots of service in one of myother programs.
6. driving my son to work every day @ 100 mi (two 50 mi round trips) Is costing me a fortune and all my time, but he gets practise driving with his permit, he was promoted, they are promoting him again when he is 18, he keeps out of trouble because not much to do in our area, he works at amusemnt park - best place for kid to work.
7. still married, marriage improving.
8. rented our income properties and next getting ready to sell.
9. got house refinaced at 3.75%
etc,etc,etc=so everything pretty much on family stuff.
My career jobs are on hold and I need to remember how things would have been if I did not sacrifice or do it this way.
I am happier when I am more productive and with the help of pa need to be willing to be willing to do what works.
want to start planning for next stage of my life.
Nice to look back. Have not found a smoothly working system yet, but at least keep trying.
so now keep tract;
wf- b sterner, feb, padot feb
Showed up after 3 wks wow, how did that happen?I suppose the driving below is overwhealming. never much to "show" for items in raising kids.
Unfinished Business: July Weekly review- takes pressure off daily review right now. . Build off the consistent items.
The hardest thing for me is to develop a system that can work for me. The "Getting Things Done" by D. Allen is good.
Ok, I do have a consistent 4 item daily "basic" plan and then a fairly regular plan with clean/dishes/was.
I see now the monkey wrench is driving son to work- round trip is 50 mi and I do it 2x, so I am exausted and cannot get much done inbetween, Yesterday he had off and I started decluttering, but today he worked and I got back aound 12 noon, am exausted, and have to leave around 3 to pick him up. Also with the heat wave, I had to wait in the car sometimes for over an hour, which if I was a dog, I probably would have been arrested. So need to arrange ride help. It is still worth it because it keeps him out of trouble,he is getting so much self esteem because it is a great place to work for a kid, he is learning responsibility, so far he has not been late, he dropped some of dead beat friends, he is changing into a fine young man, and that is a miracle.!!!
Unfin business items: 1. dr appt 2/ computers 3.air cont. 4 lucy (#2,3 need big chunks of time #1, maybe #4 do not)
July Mel Goals Unfinished Business: July
Every year I planed a fiscal review and every year never got to it. So that is #1Well, maybe not. Listing to David Allen's Getting Things Done Tapes. It seems overwhelming, but many of the tips works for me. I think one big problem is transitioning my brain from the big picture to the smaller picture. I find, I need to latch on to some recovery and build from there. Showing up seems to be sort of comfortable, I need to find how to catorgorize big/vs smaller pitcture projects. He said make 3 piles 1. to do 2. defer 3. deligate I need to find some systems that work for me. but not spend time I do not have construction something. so for now, fiscal year on hold, back to my monthly/weekly calender. I guess the awareness of consistently taking one minute to look it over in the morning would be my next doable step, because right now I am not consistent, forget what I am /am not doing, kind of like my version of "don't ask, don't tell" in procratinator language is "don't look, don't know"
June 2010 Mel Goals Unfinished business I am changing my special project name because when I see "unfinished business" I get this sick feeling. PA Business sounds healthier for now.
Back to saying "unfinishd business" -the whole proint of me procrastinating was not to get the sick feeling, I am going to get it, just need to accept it. Not being honest with myself if I think I can avoid this.
1. Review my week every Monday. Be aware of appts, deadlines, etc.
1. resent letter from lat mp this mo:
(1. hm ins, 2. passports) almost for # 1&2 3. comps 4. math (A)5. LS 6 dentist/call dr 7 summrt classes (started)
found ALL KINDS OF TEMPLETES TO USE ONLINE TO ORGANIZE- May meloriism was really scattered, need better organizations. ave too many need to keep it simple.
Wow, I actually have completed some of this stuff.my head wants to say I would have done it anyway, but don't know, it seemed less stressful doing it this way and not so impossible to at least look at what I needed to do not to mention not have lost everything I had written. I have hopes for some improvement in July using what works/does not work for me.
ok, noto great but there is some movement here.
positives: 1. I have not lost all my plans 2. Amazing that when I look, it reminds me to do 3. I have taken some responsibility here, even though I want to sweep everything under the rug, and be in the fog of rocrastination, clutter, this pathetic plan allows me to get some things done in spite of my issues.4. I am in the beginning stages of willingness 5. Starting to think of myself differently
I lost my balance with school stuff (the yo yo like everything all or nothing) In the end I put the school stuff first - I could not focus on anything else I just dropped everything. Now it is not so easy to get back in balalnce because I have a backload of things to do. It is almost like the food. I was a yo yo seemed to be undereating or binging. When I stopped binging, even though I was eating healthy and exercising, I had the additional problem of the weight because it does not instnatly go away. I just want to "take off" for awhile, eveything seems overwheming, that why bother to start.
So today I will do one thing at a time and try to get back on the beam.
Hi vic, I sympathize with your remark about the fog of procrastination and the desire to "take off" for awhile. A quote that has helped me a lot was "Even if you go on holiday to escape it all, you still take yourself with you."
Just hang in there, you're improving, babysteps maybe, but still improvement. And remember, tomorrow you can celebrate that you made it to the end of June!
Thank you Nicole, you have no idea how much your comment meant to me. Vic
I need to keep things simple/clear.did #3
1. hm i 2. passports 3. comps 4. math 5. LS 6 g and d sum c
I have no idea what #1 or #6 / totally forgot my "codes" are but I am sure I did not do them, now I need to remember.
Writing things/saying things down really helps. yOU WOULD THINK i WOULD KNOW WHAT i AM THINKING, BUT IT SEEMS I don't until I listen, write, talk. I use a PA friend's voicemail as a sponsor sometimes, it has the playback feature, so when I listen to what I am saying, I get a whole new perspective. (sometimes it is like an out of body experience, like am I really the person who is listening or am I the person who is talking. As long as the listener is kind and compassioante to to talker, it works out)I have that feature as well, but it does not work unless I use hers..
Last mo Mel goals were symbolic of what I was trying to do, finish a scyscraper without any building plans. The tepee was throwing together some sticks and a blanket on top, anyone could do that. and it was a start, and that is exactly what I did, I threw together some tasks and mailed them.
If I want to build a structure, so many things to consider, #1 foundation (PA), #2plans,I am using some templetes I found, so learning how to use my plans this month. I can see how things work at the end of the month.
Goal, to look at my building plans every morning- just be aware.
I love the idea of using a friend's voicemail as a means of listening to one's self. I struggle to know what I am thinking until it comes out of my mouth and then before I know it the words have been spoken, the moment is gone and I have no real recollection of what I expressed. I write emails to God sometimes: it allows me to speak my truth and then read what it was. I sometimes even type with my eyes closed to be more mindful of what I am feeling. But the idea of listening to my own voice allows my tone to be heard, which is more truthful. A lovely idea!
Success is not final, failure is not fatal
I feel ok about what I did. I am at the beginning stages of change here. I feel like when I quit smoking 30 years ago. I knew I would change, but it had to be gradual. It took me 5 years before I thought of myself as a "non-smoker" during that time, I felt like a smoker who was "not smoking" . That is kind of how I feel now. I know I will be more productive, but ight now I feel like a procrastinator/avoider/discomfort doger, that is occationally willing to change the things I can.
I have so much unfinished business, I can make it a whole separate catagory to work on and practise with seperate with the daily stuff.
I feel hope for change of that nameless sense of being unfit for reality by dealing with my feelings here.
sending lots of hugs and love your way. I have found that I, too, am a person who REALLY struggles with transitions. I remember from my Development of Change course in college that it takes 6 months to a year for people to go through most transitions. For me I feel like you: it takes much much longer. I also have fearful transitions to make and it helps me to know that you are here and posting and available. lots of love, e
At least I still have them here written down, that is about it have not lost them
I need to look at my unfinished business more from a tepee view, looks more at my architectural level right now. Today, I looked at unfinished business items, 1st step. Tepee are cool.
#1 actually FINISHED!!! WOW!! ALMOST GAVE UP!!
#2 DONE MUST MAIL
What a good way of thinking about things--building a structure. So many times I procrastinate because I feel like I do a task, and it means nothing. But really, all the menial tasks and big tasks taken together represent the building of an entire life.
Here's to tepees, houses, skyscrapers, space stations, and beyond...
Thanks, and beyond... I love it!
Trust me, this type of thinking does not come naturally. Everything I have read about procratination, etc. says to make progress, we need to stop beating ourselves. (totally unnatural behavior for me) I would say, if I could not do it the way "I thought" it should be done, why bother?
Addict thinking, like if I was only going to have one drink, why bother? Everything started to be why bother?.. after awhile.
I am trying to change my thinking to "why not bother?"After a year of starting the day with 3 gratitudes/meditation e-mail to a friend everyday, it is starting to work, But it is slow, in the meantime, back in side my tepee.... very comfortable inside.
Actually did 3, mailed 2 yesterday. Next 3.
It feels good, doesn't it? Congrats!
"Bless the present. Trust yourself. Expect the best." --Steve Nobel
Thank you. Yes, it feels good, and dare I say it.... hopeful, even for me.
What I am shooting for, as in all my programs, is "maintenance". When I look at any of my issues, I was "all or nothing" . That is the trick, "keep showing up" and finding what is "healthy" for "me" and then accept where I am with gratitude. I need to stay out of judgement of myself and only compare myself to me. Keep shooting for progress not perfection.
In PA I find (sometimes) the pain to change at a tolerable level and the pain to not change is greater now. Keep coming back everyone.
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