Demand Sensitivity & Resistance
Good Morning all!
I was recently thinking about an old pattern my hubbie and I had, in which I was highly, highly demand sensitive. It usually went like this:
Saturday morning we'd be sitting talking about our plans for the weekend. He'd ask me what I wanted to do, I'd say so, and then he'd respond. If his response was that he'd rather do X or go to Y place, rather than do what I wanted to do, I'd start to shut down.
The experience was both physical and spiritual. It would start with a feeling of my throat closing up, and my chest tightening. My vision would also go just a little black, or grey, and it felt like major centers in my brain would start to shut down. Like, I couldn't think, and the only thoughts available to me were trapped and limiting and circling around and around like a dog trying to find a place to lie down.
The experience was incredibly automatic, and once it kicked up I would (often) be trapped in it for the next few hours or rest of the weekend. Not fun - for hubby, OR for me.
This hasn't happened in a long time, and I'm clear the tendency is a leftover from being with my Mom when she was in her own active addiction. There were many, many times when things went her way and I had no say. Thus the experience, as an adult, of my throat closing up and feeling trapped - clearly unresolved leftover childhood experiences.
I've been incredibly grateful hubby and I were able to move past this, and we did, too - for a very long time. This weekend, however, my demand sensitivity reared its ugly head, AGAIN! And - true to form - I am still in the impact of it.
Hubbie asked me if I was going to get up and get some work done this morning (it was around 6:10 a.m.) and, like clockwork, it kicked in. The closing up of the throat, the limiting thinking, the trapped feeling - all came up immediately. And then i wanted to hide. Hide from him. Not engage with him, at all, until he left for work and I could then feel "safe" and "free" again. Feeling like he was trying to control me, and "make" me do what he wanted me to.
The thing is, I start feeling trapped. And like I can't say no. And like I can only do what he wants, because I "should" or am "supposed" to. And he's not twisting my arm, or tying me up or anything like that! But, in the ensuing conversation, I FEEL like he is--because I don't feel like I can say "no."
So, here's my question - does this experience feel or sound familiar to anyone? If so, what have you done to get out of it, or short circuit it when it happens?
Thanks so much!