Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Demand Sensitivity & Resistance

Mama_Cat's picture

Good Morning all!

I was recently thinking about an old pattern my hubbie and I had, in which I was highly, highly demand sensitive. It usually went like this:

Saturday morning we'd be sitting talking about our plans for the weekend. He'd ask me what I wanted to do, I'd say so, and then he'd respond. If his response was that he'd rather do X or go to Y place, rather than do what I wanted to do, I'd start to shut down.

The experience was both physical and spiritual. It would start with a feeling of my throat closing up, and my chest tightening. My vision would also go just a little black, or grey, and it felt like major centers in my brain would start to shut down. Like, I couldn't think, and the only thoughts available to me were trapped and limiting and circling around and around like a dog trying to find a place to lie down.

The experience was incredibly automatic, and once it kicked up I would (often) be trapped in it for the next few hours or rest of the weekend. Not fun - for hubby, OR for me.

This hasn't happened in a long time, and I'm clear the tendency is a leftover from being with my Mom when she was in her own active addiction. There were many, many times when things went her way and I had no say. Thus the experience, as an adult, of my throat closing up and feeling trapped - clearly unresolved leftover childhood experiences.

I've been incredibly grateful hubby and I were able to move past this, and we did, too - for a very long time. This weekend, however, my demand sensitivity reared its ugly head, AGAIN! And - true to form - I am still in the impact of it.

Hubbie asked me if I was going to get up and get some work done this morning (it was around 6:10 a.m.) and, like clockwork, it kicked in. The closing up of the throat, the limiting thinking, the trapped feeling - all came up immediately. And then i wanted to hide. Hide from him. Not engage with him, at all, until he left for work and I could then feel "safe" and "free" again. Feeling like he was trying to control me, and "make" me do what he wanted me to.

The thing is, I start feeling trapped. And like I can't say no. And like I can only do what he wants, because I "should" or am "supposed" to. And he's not twisting my arm, or tying me up or anything like that! But, in the ensuing conversation, I FEEL like he is--because I don't feel like I can say "no."


So, here's my question - does this experience feel or sound familiar to anyone? If so, what have you done to get out of it, or short circuit it when it happens?

Thanks so much!



 peek- a - boo Sounds very familiar, the first step I found is awareness. Getting out of it? Varies, depends on the situation, me, etc. Usually it is better when I share it with someone in the program first. My sponsor would say "read, write, talk, listen, pray.