I'm new. Hoping to see the light......

Hi

I'm in AA-NA Recovery for 16 years. My life is wonderful. However, I use
procrastination as a fix, it's one of the final fading embers of my addiction. Yes,
I FIX on procrastination. In other words I know I'm doing it, sometimes do
it deliberately, and because I am in control of mostly small things, it
gives me a brief buzz.

More seriously I have a phobia about having dates in my diary that are too
far in the future, or too densely packed. I'd make a terrible dentist or
lawyer or anyone who needed to see a number of people in a single day. Such
a day would feel great once I got into it, but in the week leading up to a
full week of appointments or fixtures I want to 'set myself free'.

So I am living in the moment, and of course I do have to put things in my
diary to live in society, but I am becoming addicted to cancelling important
engagements if I can. Sometimes I don't know I'm going to cancel until the
last minute.

I can always find good reasons why to cancel. What is tough is justifying to
myself why I set up a series of challenging scheduled meetings or travel in
the first place. I work in a team of people a lot of the time, and they are
always suffering because I won't tell them what is in my mind. So I tell
them I am PREPARING, or PLANNING, and they will have to wait. This is
unfair. They have lives to live, and they need to know when I am available
to work with them, so they can be free to do other things. Working with me
is what they want to do most, and is most lucrative for them. I like working
with them too, but my other work is enjoyable and lucrative too, but more
solitary. It seems I want to hold the cards. More control?

I've looked at the web site and I think this is going to be big. Such a
great idea, and I've already seen so much helpful stuff. I am a huge fan of
Recovery in all aspects of my life. 

Thanks Pro, for getting this together,

LightMan