Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Saturday, 9th of September, 2006
Good morning, y'all! I have the odd chance to start a bookending thread because ~I never went to bed~! Nope, not a time-binge--an overnighter with the high school youth. I actually almost caught Milo before she went to bed! Somebody else please add some pretty graphics when you wake up! :)
[[Pretty graphic added. -pro]]
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slider's midnight CI (and goodnight)
Hmm. After last post I procrastinated about doing something I planned to do for my own pleasure! I spent an hour cuop and checking email, then read for 45 minutes in the bathroom (I get started reading while I'm sitting, because the books are there and I can't stand being bored for a moment, then I don't want to put the book down, silly me!) Guess the immediate rewards were more tangible than the slightly delayed gratification of going into the city (and they were two mini time-binges, too). Also, I was annoyed and apprehensive about the hassle of the laptop, so there you go. And the delay meant that we had to look for a later showing of the movie, which meant a late return. So I wound up blowing off more stuff (unavoidable in the end). Just got home, did a little cuop, and now I'm posting and going to bed.
Ta Da:
--overnight youth retreat and all that went with that
--wash face and brush teeth
--go to bed
--slept tll 2 pm. Had 2 interruptions, at 7:30 and 9:30
--loo
--yummy lunch at home
--finish morning routine
--re-read printer reviews online
--drive to city
--return brand new HP laptop because it won't charge, and pick up new printer (BOO: bad battery! But can't have laptop back till tomorrow or Monday due to being unable to return to store before they closed--keep reading to find out why)
--see movie with DD while in city (saw greatest movie, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE)
--tried chicken wings at movie (they have a lot fancier menu these days, never tried that before)
***--called DH to drive an hour to movie theater because I locked my keys in the car (purse, too--otherwise I'd have had a spare key)
--sneaked into another movie for 45 minutes to wait (hey! we bought more popcorn! And the theater was nearly empty so we didn't deprive anybody. Do I sound defensive? yeah, ok. Got into car at 10:30)
--got gas
--great conversation with DD on rode home from movie (movie triggered some terrific observations by DD!) Our family is a whole lot like that one!!!!
Blew off:
--put on jammies this morning (results were in previous post)
--return home by 8 pm (adjusted from 6 pm--wound up being 11:45 pm)
--prepare for tomorrow--copy calendars, lesson materials, etc (DON'T FORGET in morning!!!)
--regroup (anything else I want for today?)
What I want now:
--to sleep and get up early enough to be ready for everything tomorrow!!!
That said, I will go to bed (minimal prep) and set alarm for 6:00. I could use more sleep than that, but that's doable. I have enough performance anxiety on Sundays that I always get moving--though I may procrastinate by staying in bed up to a half hour later than planned if I figure I can sqeeze in a little more sleep and still get ready on time. Sometimes this thought is accurate, and sometimes it ain't!) If I'm not too tired after church, Sunday School, and the afternoon confirmation class (3-1/2 hours, once a month--and tomorrow is it), then I'll drive back to Best Buy for my laptop. If I am tired, I'll go home, go to bed early, and get it after I get off work Monday--of course, I better check my schedule first to make sure I don't have something scheduled Monday evening!) ;)
Spectating
I am fascinated by the rigor and precision of your sef-observation. A scientific mind at work.
pro's CI - 11pm (last check-in)
I didn't get much done during the day, but I did my morning and evening routines as planned and on time. That's progress. I need to focus on that.
I think I'm suffering from lack of confidence that I can make changes. I need to believe I can.
Self-talk
Your self-talk improved throughout the day, too, pro - that warms my heart. I worried about you reading your other posts - please be kinder to yourself, and don't let the negative side take over. Be strong!
congrats, pro
your day was quite inspiring - kind of one-day version for what we go thru everyday - and overall you prevailed
i'm always a sucker for a happy ending
inspiring?
I don't think I did very well yesterday. My morning routine and bedtime routine was as planned, but between them was chaos. I'm not sure why you're congratulating me.
I really do have a problem around believing I can do anything different from what I'm doing - that I can stop the self-sabotage and do what needs to be done in my life to keep myself safe and happy. I'm my worst enemy.
I'm trying to draw hope from the fact that I'm doing my morning and bedtime routines and this is a big improvement. At one time I was staying up all night, getting up late, and not getting dressed until afternoon or evening (if at all).
pro's CI - 10:40pm
1Focus 10:04 good night
Already done
Morning Routine
Home Plan
Evening Routine
• scoop catbox
• Paper chores (this includes financial to-do's)
I want to get done:
• Clear my head (journaling)
Evening Routine
• Early to bed (Lights out at 10:00, not gonna happen)
One big goal I'm focusing on:
Clean up financial responsibilities
•enforce cash budgeting (no plastic)
Ok, the cards are out of the wallets and only enough cash for the week ahead.
good night, 1Focus
I started playing Tetris instead of doing my bedtime routine. I'm getting up now!!
pro's CI - 9:30pm
I might as well edge towards my bedtime routine. If I wait until I'm really tired to take a shower and make up the bed, it's torture.
Not this late
but I read a book by some buddhist monk a while back, and I clearly remember one statement from that book. Somehow I think it was the mantra of a fellow monk who was last seen walking towards China when they took control of Tibet. It goes like this:
"Lean into the pointy stuff."
It always comes back to me when I'm really struggling with something I don't want to do, or a tough decision that I have to make. When I start hearing this in my head, I like to believe its never as bad as I think its going to be. I haven't been wrong yet.
its easier to lead a donkey than to push it
leaning into pointy stuff sounds too painful for me!
but regarding motivating oneself to complete the bedtime routine, i believe that you need a carrot or a reward.
during the last year or so i have learned to create a bedtime ritual that ends with reading in bed something with no application to business - a history of venice, whatever - nothing too sexy, too worldly, or too stressful. just something relaxing. the idea is to create nice images to dance around my head during the night.
rewards for bedtime routine
For a while I was reading novels in bed just before turning out the lights and I liked it. Maybe I'll try it again. Lately I haven't been reading novels - can't figure out where to schedule that. Just before bed is a good time. I've been watching TV instead, but that's pointless, and if it's something I really want to see I can record it.
My big reward for completing my bedtime routine (everything - including washing the dishes and taking a shower) is how great it feels in the morning to wake up to a clean and neat apartment, and not having to take a shower (which I never feel like doing in the morning).
Also, I think it makes logical sense to take a shower at night. I'm always at my "dirtiest" at night from living all day, and it's much nicer to put a clean body into clean jammies and clean sheets. If I do my laundry and have clean sheets and clean jammies and then put a day-stinky body in there, yuck!
It's also better to do if someone is sleeping next to you (not my situation right now).
Clean self, clean sheets, all sounds good
As they say, one doesn't want to get kicked out of bed for eating crackers.
JestRight - 5:33pm CI
DID I CHECK IN ON TIME?
Um, nope – 5:33pm
ACCOMPLISHED AS PLANNED:
--Hiked at Griffith Park: I'm proud I didnt "time-binge" and kept it reasonable length (Traveltown to Cemetery ridge & back). Got some GREAT business planning done while hiking.)
--Stopped by Debbie's SFH listing in Glendale to familiarize myself
--Dropped dishes off at Miss LS’s house
--Picked up cleaning
OTHER STUFF ACCOMPLISHED
--Got a new sales lead from LDavid
--Got a call from Caroline and found out who gave me that lead; she may be an investor for 1 unit
--Filled up gas
INTERRUPTIONS - OK:
--Lunch at Subway
--Coffee at Just Coffee
INTERRUPTIONS - BAD:
none
TIME WASTED:
none
NEXT CHECK-IN:
--7am SUNDAY
OVERALL COMMENTS:
Kept it busy, got the workout done, but did too much driving for what I got done. had no choice, though. The reason: I had to drive right by a couple of easy errands because I couldn't afford to spend the money. I hate that!
Settled one loose end with Miss LS by returning dishes. Getting a separate cellphone and car insurance to follow.
Apparently my list of things-to-do has grown too long to post, so I guess I will keep that off-line, and just post the things I get done.
(Input on how I do this is welcome.)
Master To-do ideas.
--> Apparently my list of things-to-do has grown too long to post, so I guess I will keep that off-line, and just post the things I get done.
If you post just the things you got done, you aren't being accountable, because we can't tell what you're blowing off or procrastinating on. And we need to do that to help keep you on track }:).
Jest, not sure what your current system is, but something that might work well is to keep your master list elsewhere, like in Outlook or even just Excel or Word. Categorise them into 1 - important and urgent, 2 - not important but urgent , 3 - important but not urgent, 4 - not important and not urgent. (this assists with daily prioritising. Pro and Normy, I think, have also read a lot on different systems for this so they might provide another solution).
Then each day in your check in, you would post your daily routine tasks, then pick out SOME things on your master to schedule in for that day and add it to your 'to do' list for the day. Keep it realistic, and by default it will then be small enough to post. That said,..um..I have been guilty of having long lists, too, and have had that pointed out to me ;).
But overall that works well for me :)
Maybe post an abreviated list.
Or just the things you're likely to get done before the next check-in, or group stuff into related routines. I think it's still good to post your to-do's so we can help keep you accountable if you're having a bad day ;)
Great input guys
Tnaks, Milo and 1Focu. Good stuff - will do.
Pro, IS there a limit to the size of posts in terms of characters or words - so that I can trim to fit?
not that I know of
...but anyway, I'm going to be switching to the other software, almost for sure.
And this message will be buried in the Sept 9th day thread because of Drupal's inability to display the tree with just subjects and no messages.
1Focus 8:54
Already done
Morning Routine
Home Plan
Evening Routine
• scoop catbox
I want to get done:
• Clear my head (journaling)
Evening Routine
• Paper chores (this includes financial to-do's)
• Early to bed (Lights out at 10:00)
One big goal I'm focusing on:
Clean up financial responsibilities
•enforce cash budgeting (no plastic)
clear your head with journaling
1Focus - "clear head with journaling" has been on your to-do list since this morning. I think it's time!!!! ;)
*insert hose to ear*
Clearing my head is easy during the week (I'm putting off real work.) At home on the weekend, I'd rather pull my toenails off. :? I did get it done about midnight last night. I'll go get my journal and put it in front of me while I sit at the 'puter.
pro's CI - 7:45pm
I do not feeling like going to a meeting now, but I'm going...
~poof~
Let me know what you learned.
I think you're about to find a major breakthrough. You are too self aware and there's not much left to resist. It will come.
what I learned
What I learned is, the answer is service. Help someone else. That is the way to spirituality and peace.
I shared that I was fairly new to New York and lonely. Many people came up to me after the meeting and tried to talk to me or gave me their phone numbers. My response? I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Clearly I'm insane.
I'm really in a screwed up place right now. I'm fighting with myself. I have to work incredibly hard just to do the normal things that most people do day after day without giving it much thought. Most people work during the day. The days I can get myself to do that it's a cause for celebration. Most people pay their bills, file their tax returns, etc. These things are Mount Everest to me - not because I can't do them, but because I won't. My life is being destroyed by my own hand, and I'm powerless to stop it. It's insane.
Reiterate
"What I learned is, the answer is service. Help someone else. That is the way to spirituality and peace." And it makes us feel so much better about ourselves. It lifts us up out of own muck and mire for the moment simply because our attention is elsewhere, but then, afterwards, there is a kind of glow that lasts. (You have a fount of great quotations of your ~own~ to quote, you know?)
service
I can talk the talk. If only I could walk the walk!
You're not powerless
You're just telling yourself you are. Turn it around. Focus on what you are able to do. You can walk, you can see, you can talk. You have your health and family, you have your skills and intelligence.
Be grateful and celebrate your achievements (an achievement is what you make it, btw, it doesn't need to be an Everest).
You're in the right place.
The rest of us are here for the same reasons, you're not alone.
not alone in our insanity
One of the great things about this forum is meeting others who share this hellish problem. I'm able to be kinder to myself about it when I know I'm not the only one.
ditto on the tax returns,
ditto on the tax returns, bills etc. - i'm the same.
finally, i recently paid a girl - a professional "go-fer" serice - to come work with me 4 hours and togther we organized 5 years of receipts and totaled up one year (2001). probably 2 more afternoon sessions like that will finish all the back taxes.
btw, i havent done a THING since she left. NOTHING. NADA.
whats my point? so like you, taxes are still something i WONT do. but i found a way to "cheat"!
hiring someone
I'm too broke to hire someone, and even if I weren't, I'm too compulsive! I couldn't bear to hand it over to someone else. Nuts, I know.
I handled the bill payment problem by putting absolutely everything on automatic debit.
1Focus 7:39
Already done
Morning Routine
Home Plan
• Specific plan for the day
• Get ahead on kitchen
• Hang with family
• Get a plan for tackling financial mess
• Cooked dinner
Evening Routine
• Hang with the Family
• Clean up after dinner
• Farm Chores (include the kids)
• Kids to bed
I want to get done:
• Clear my head (journaling)
Evening Routine
• Paper chores (this includes financial to-do's)
• scoop catbox
• Early to bed (Lights out at 10:00)
One big goal I'm focusing on:
Clean up financial responsibilities
•enforce cash budgeting (no plastic)
pro's CI - 6:15pm
As I approached Balducci's to buy milk, I saw a street fair along 8th Avenue. Well, I love street fairs, so I walked from 14th to 23rd (where it ended) and then back down again. I think 10 blocks is a mile, so maybe I worked off the single-serving apple pie I bought at the Farmer's Market this morning.
I'm still wanting to zone out. Maybe I'll watch a movie while reading the Mac book and playing Tetris. (Must make sure mind is fully occupied with no room for uncomfortable thoughts. ;) )
slider's 3 pm CI
Good afternoon, everybody! I'm recuperated from last night. I feel perky. Nothing like doing an all-nighter to bring up my vituosity level (in my own mind, of course--makes me feel like I am ahead in "points" for working, and that does wonders for my depression!). ;)
Ta Da:
--Stayed up all night with 22 high school youth for a "lock-in"
--watched 3 movies
--ate nachos with the best of 'em
--stretched for 45 minutes when the aches and pains kicked in
--turned over the remaining three hours to the sponsors as planned
--wash face and brush teeth
--go to bed
--sleep till at least noon (slept tll 2 pm. Had 2 interruptions, at 7:30 and 9:30)
--loo
--yummy lunch at home (DH fixed chicken fajitas when he and DD got back fro Scouts)
Blew off:
--put on jammies (I do not care if anyone catches me in them tomorrow afternoon!)(Except I discovered they are in the laundry, so I slept in sweats. Turned out handy since the mom of one of the guests asked to speak with me about joining our church when she picked up her daughter. My own DD woke me up saying someone needed to speak with me. I don't think the mom realized I was asleep, and I don't think DD realized she could tell her that. Still, best to strike while the iron is hot, so it's probably for the best that I talked to her)
What I want now:
--finish morning routine
--re-read printer reviews online
--drive to city
--return brand new HP laptop because it won't charge, and pick up new printer
--see movie with DD while in city
--return home by 8 pm (adjusted from 6 pm)
--prepare for tomorrow--copy calendars, lesson materials, etc
--regroup (anythng else I want for today?)
pro's CI - 4:10pm
pro's CI - 3:45pm
I'm trying to spur myself into action. I'm feeling depressed today - don't even know why. I think I'll read my Mac book for a while. That's enjoyable, and will get the wheels in my brain turning. Right now I feel semi-comatose.
self-medicating depression
I've noticed that I often get depressed on weekends. I don't know what that's about. I feel awful. If I weren't 9+ years clean and sober and committed to not using mood or mind altering drugs, I would be high now. But no. Next on my list of feel-good options is food. I'm not hungry, but hey - I could have some popcorn. But again, no - I do not want to gain even one more ounce, and in fact urgently want to lose what I've gained. (I was a couple pounds down this morning. :) )
Okay - so no drugs, no booze, no comfort food... Yak!! I have to sit here feeling uncomfortable. Hey - I'm an addict - I don't want to ever have to feel uncomfortable. I think it's my right to never feel uncomfortable in any way, and when I do, I want to immediately adjust my mood with drugs, alcohol, or food. But no more. :(
I am reminded of something my first sponsor said to me. I called in a state because I was uncomfortable and couldn't medicate it and didn't know how to deal with it. The response: "Sometimes in sobriety you just have to feel bad."
Auuuuggghhhh!!!! I don't like that answer. I didn't like it then and I didn't like it now (though I know it's true). Life on life's terms. Acceptance. BLAH!!!! I'm against all that!!!! I'm an addict. I have an addict's brain. I want what I want when I want it, and I want it NOW.
Sob.
(I thought I'd try venting a little, in case that made me feel better. And actually I do feel infintessimally better, though I haven't even posted the message yet.)
Weekends are hard for me too.
I'm glad you know about that "sometimes you just have to feel bad." Not everyone in recovery hears or receives that message. Surely there's something on a list that feels good _and_ you allow yourself to do it. Tetris anyone?
tretris, movies, novels... let's see, what else...
I don't need drugs or alcohol to check out. I can leave this earth in a whole variety of other ways. Tetris, FreeCell, movies, and novels just being the ones that come to mind off the top of my head. Oh, and surfing for something on the internet, or programming. I can get very zoned out with programming - forget where I am, forget to eat, forget to sleep... I don't really want to get that zoned out. I don't think. ;)
I didn't really become aware of the weekend depression pattern until today when I was refusing to let myself stuff feelings with food. I think, probably, I'm lonely.
There are many fun things I could be doing with my weekends that I'm not doing. This is another procrastination issue. Why am I denying myself fun?
Fun
I have a hard time with fun because there's always a hundred other things I should be doing. It's one of the reasons I'm on this 1 focus at a time campaign. When I only have one thing on the list, having fun is not nearly as guilt-producing. }:)
procrastinators typically never have fun
Procrastinators never let themselves have fun because they always feel guilty about something they've been putting off. Even when I blow off what I should be doing and watch a movie or whatever instead, I'm not really having fun. I feel guilty and crappy, and anyway there are better things to do than zone out with a movie. I could go to a museum or take a class or something else more fulfilling.
No doubt about it.
I'm a procrastinator, then. My headaches always start when I'm going to have real fun. Vacations, day trips with the family, I always feel like I should be doing something else.
that book again
I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record with my references to the book "Too Perfect", but he talks about this at length.
It really struck me that I manage to be both a workaholic and never get anything done because I work at things that don't need doing.
By the way, WHAT are those explosions I keep hearing?! They were happening earlier in the afternoon, too. They sound like a major fireworks display, but where would that be happening - and why? And why would I have heard it during the day?
Or maybe it's not fireworks. Are we at war with New Jersey??
explosive change, maybe?
curious about the explosions, pro. where do you live?
I live in...
New York City
For me its been weekends and
For me its been weekends and also holidays - not just Christmas, but even Independence Day and Labor Day!! I finally have figured out that it's because of inner child yearning for ideal holidays etc. yearning to experience an idealized family life.
Anyway, its not a problem today AT ALL - beacuse of this site.
I am a PA addict!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, personally I am NOT mature or developed enough to be okay with "just feeling bad sometimes." I strongly concur with tetris, exercising, movies, writing, or whatever turns the mood around. We are NOT here to be punished.
feeling bad sometimes
>personally I am NOT mature or developed enough to be okay with "just feeling bad sometimes." I strongly concur with tetris, exercising, movies, writing, or whatever turns the mood around. We are NOT here to be punished.
No, we're not here to be punished, and if there's something I can do to help myself I should do it. But sometimes there is no way to authentically feel better. There is only (1) sitting with the bad feelings, or (2) zoning out addictively (whether with drugs, alcohol, Tetris, or whatever). I'm not against taking positive action, but there's a difference between that and numbing yourself any way you can. I've already lived a large part of my life numbed out. I want to at least be conscious for the rest of it.
If my problem is loneliness, the solution is not Tetris.
Glad it helped.
Amazing how just expressing--nay, just acknowledging!--how we feel can make such a big difference. Expressing is even better. (That's what I've been doing lately). It sucks that we have to just feel bad sometimes--I think that's why I distract myself so often. But hey, maybe you can find a youth group to spend the night with--big self-esteem booster, lol! And fairly easy--just watch movies and be nice to a bunch of teenagers and you're the bee's knees!
JestRight - 12:37pm - early check-in
DID I CHECK IN ON TIME?
Early (needed to report and stay on track.)
ACCOMPLISHED AS PLANNED:
--drink coffee
--make bed
--replaced tennis shoelaces
OTHER STUFF ACCOMPLISHED:
--clipped toenails (easier than ever! hah!)
--treated athletes foot... and toenails... (sorry, Pro...)
-reprinted the errands list
INTERRUPTIONS - OK:
none
INTERRUPTIONS - BAD:
none
WASTED TIME:
none
THINGS TO DO AT HOME BY 3PM SATURDAY/3PM SUNDAY
--dishes
--5 minutes Gurdjieff meditation
--write to Julie Z
--phone Natalya
--clear living room
--type comedy routine
--retype schedule
--get back on schedule
--bills and finances
--set up the Tuesday Goal Group again, email the others, and repost on Craigslist again
--recommit to meeting people at the 6am AA meeting on other days
--google “registry cleaner