New Here - What do I do next?
Did I find this board to kill time or did I find this board because I am at my wit's end? I'm pretty sure it's because I have just had enough! I never thought of my lifelong procrastination as an addiction before. I'm not quite sure I understand how it is yet, but I am willing to try anything to get through this. Looking at the site I feel overwhelmed though, I don't know what to do next, what the curriculum is here.
I'm in my mid-forties and I let myself and my loved ones down every day. I almost never have a "good" day anymore. Working at home with no supervisor, business partners who enable me, the internet lures of sudoku, porn, second life, facebook...it's just all too much to resist. I only work and perform important tasks when they have to be done THAT moment or else--(and if the task will be blatantly noticeable if undone). Everything is last minute and then there's all the stuff that I never get to, including paying bills and taxes quite often.
At this moment I hate myself with a passion. I imagine this horrible beast inside of me and I want to yank it out by the tail and kill it. It honestly feels a bit like possession. Like this aching tense ball of hell in my solar plexus.
I do lists and lists and I practice mindfulness meditation. It almost seems like the meditation makes it worse, or maybe I am just a little bit more self-aware. At the moment I have some huge previously made committments that are coming to pass that will involve many people and their travel plans and their chances at success. And I just don't get to it. Or what I do is just a drip of molasses, and the wall is coming closer and closer.
I just need help so bad. Any thoughts or ideas of how to use this resource would be so welcome at this moment.