work procrastination vs. home procrastination
Today I realized that the feelings I have when procrastinating about work are quite different from the feelings I have while procrastinating about things at home. At home I feel a fair amount of resentment towards my family for not doing their part and despair about the futility of housework in the first place. At work I feel anxiety and apprehension about what I have not yet done/am not doing--based on wondering how soon before anyone notices. I feel a little guilty for my work procrastination, but I have learned a secret: I often procrastinate about work things simply because I have not taken care of myself and desperately need to before I go off and tend to someone else's needs! This is my own doing, and I do not really feel any resentment toward anyone about it, though I do feel overwhelmed. I put off taking care of my own needs out of 1) perfectionism (can't quit till I get it perfect!), 2) guilt (because I still haven't gotten it perfect and maybe even did something wrong or, big surprise, I am procrastinating), and 3) codependently putting others' needs/wishes/whims ahead of my own most urgent needs--until I reach a breaking point and blow up, which triggers a repeat of the guilt and codependency. Aargh!