Doing one thing is infinitely more than doing nothing. I can take a step.
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Please do not leave advice. Thank you. Prayers welcome.
I can't take facebook anymore. I mean, I know I'll be back. I get the urge to want to "act out" in my drama-addiction, which is really my love addiction. B/c I keep thinking I'm gonna win someone over. I really can't stand reading about how everyone on my friends list has three degrees, six figure income, a mansion in an upwardly mobile suburb, has 1.5 children and is now happily married for life. It's just like...too much for me. I don't sincerely envy them though, since I don't want to be married right now I just want to be in a relationship, provided I've other friendships, which I don't. I don't want to have children. And I don't want to live in a suburb, unless I must do it for school. I want to live in an urban area or a country area. But I would like a mansion, a six figure income or more, and three degrees (I'm working on the third one and fourth one right now). But the point is, I hate comparing myself to other people. I don't want to do that, and yet I feel like depressed, when I go to facebook and see what people have done with their lives. I totally start comparing myself and feeling bad, instead of feeling great about what I *have* done. I don't think facebook is bad. I think that I'm afraid of interacting in a very real sense with people. I have a social awkwardness that I'm trying to bridge with social activities right now in my life...and yet....
Everytime I go on facebook, and check out fotos of other people, I feel like I'm just working myself into a hole of preoccupation. The feeling going through my mind is, "I will always be alone." It almost feels like looking at the pictures, I start thinking this thought. Actually, I feel this way even when I take a month off of facebook, so I know it's no facebook. The point is that facebook does nothing to bridge my level of dissatisfaction with my social life. I don't get anything out of facebook. I mean, it was one thing when I had a blog, and I could make people *Love* me or be interested in me as a person with my words. But with facebook, no one is looking for that. The feeling I have is mostl a neutral feeling toward facebook, except when I do something or saysomething that embarrasses me. I am trying to manifest what my sponsor asked of me: being a dignified person. The way I can realize that most readily is NOT embarrassing myself on a social networking site, actually overcoming my procrastination addiction, following through on my promises to myself and other people. I don't know how I feel about FB right now, I just know it's not a good feeling that I get when I see a certain someone or other's page and it's not a good feeling... It's not about facebook it's just me, trying to get high. I want to be a persona of dignity, before I can be a person of dignity, but it is a bloody tough thing to do.
Next 2 hours
Dinner Cln Swp/Ldry
Thanks HP if it were up to me I would have taken a nap
I am recovering slowly and today is a slow day.
Craft stuff delivered - I need to check it is right and check the invoice
Cooked and washed up and put rubbish out.
Tried to phone friends - they were all out
Phone friends again
Start a list - at the moment I am drifiting about and feel that there are some things I need to do and I am not sure which.
I have the interview tonight for the dog walking position and I'm nervous, fearing I won't get it. I came back to work today after being out since before the holiday and was swamped. Got a lot of things done, but not the things in my piles sitting, waiting, staring!!!
I will keep turning my fears, nerves and desperation over to HP. I felt somewhat rejected on the phone with this person yesterday, so my wheels are spinning and, of course, I'm hyper-sensitive. I really want out of here, but today everyone was so nice and pleasant, I'm having doubts about wanting to leave. One thing I know THIS TOO SHALL PASS - the niceness I mean!!
I have a fear of how to answer the question, why do you want to leave a steady, secure position in this economy? I want to answer him honestly, but it will sound bad.
I will keep reading over my cover letter to him which describes my relationship with my dog, he contacted me from that letter because it says who I am and how passionate I am about my canine friends.
Keep me in your thoughts,
♥"Together we could do, what we could not do alone.♥
Still trying to figure out how to use this website.
Excellent morning THANKS HP
Need to get moving
Next 3 hours
I felt so bad about being unable to finish my MUT of yesterday... then I came accross Catherine's post from yesterday... and my reply got me into thinking that I am actually in a better position that I was a couple months ago. I still go bad a lot of days, but overall I believe I am doing better and achieving more things that back then.
So thank you God as your present me with another day and for showing me I can still trust in myself and my ability to walk towards my own happiness. Thank you as well for my fellow PAs!
Now, go finish my task from yesterday!
thank you all from being here!
Today I have lots of mechanical/easy tasks to catch up on:
*run student seminar
*germ cell mtg--discuss mouse ordering system
*clean up lab nb
I also want to spend some time doing planning:
*I want to think about how to avoid errors in my expt (in particular, think about HPLC and injection method)
*And, since I have a lot of projects on my plate, I want to prioritze and schedule
Finally, as a break I'll talk to AG
OK, right now I'm going to take care of VAD, trizol, email. Then I'll go run student seminar, go to germ cell mtg, and check back
Ooh, lots of stress this morning. I have to be two places at one time later today, and I've never mastered that. Looks like something will have to be dropped. First, I'll just do this morning's stuff.
(X)triage work duties
go to bank
(X)re-plan this afternoon's schedule
Good morning all, today has started and so have I trying to be real positive dispite the fact that I am losing ground. I can do this I just need to put my mind to it.
Motivation for the week -- There are 86400 seconds in a day use them well. Do not get pinned down with "stuff" you can not do anything about just work the plan and the rest will fall into place. Do not try to help eveyone somepeople can not be helped just do your best.
DNA Did not attempt
Attempted but did not complete
11-30-09 10:20 Starting at the top of the list.
Show up (done) Appts.
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