[OOPS wrong day]
very rewarding to me to read everybody's story here to day and comment on a few.
of course, i could get caught up commenting on everyone's and obesssing about what i say. i think i'll leave that typo.
but i know god wants me to do the next right thing, so time to put my money where my mouth is and slog it out hour by hour in overcoming my addiction.
8 t_d rel :)
9am - ci - thanks god that i could get an early start & ci today. :)
9am quiet time
1015 daily maint
1025 work plan
1130 give blood
the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
For the past week or more I've been having tons of inspirational thoughts and moments of feeling really positive, and yet failing much worse than usual. I've made my train to work precisely once this week, been late once, and got taxis three times, at a total cost of £40, which means I'll be likely to run out of money before the end of the month. I'm spending ages in the bathroom because once I sit down on the loo it's a huge struggle to force myself to get up. My scalp is picked raw and it's only a matter of time before someone notices, if they haven't already. The washing-up sitting in my kitchen is nearly a week old. I'm unbelievably sleep-deprived because every night this week it's been at least 1am before I could force myself to bed. I look scruffy and my productivity at work is laugh-or-cry awful.
I feel constantly on the verge, or even in the early stages, of a breakthrough and yet it's not happening. Can anyone advise me on what's going on here? I feel like I'm going barmy!
Edit: Hmmmm... too much caffeine? I have started taking caffeine tablets in the past couple of weeks - I worked out that I was wasting the best part of an hour a day making myself tea and coffee and it had turned into a form of work-avoidance, so keeping caffeine tablets at my desk seemed like a good way to save that time while not going cold turkey and falling asleep.
However, too much caffeine would explain all of the following:
* Euphoria that doesn't really translate into action
* Super jittery (the picking habit plus craving chewing-gum so badly I've contemplated chewing blu-tac)
* Can't get to sleep (until serious exhaustion took over in the last couple of days, I was not only up till 2 or 3 am but was then lying awake once in bed)
* Can't concentrate (worse than usual!)
Argh... argh!! Will cut back drastically on caffeine and see if that helps...
caffeine and i have an intimate relationship. I started taking pills too for the convenience / cost. But then i heard that coffee drinkers dont live less long even tho caffeine raised your blood pressure, which is associated with shorter life. Then i heard that the coffee bean contains anti-oxidants which might help, or mitigate caffeine's bad effects.
i agree that you symptoms could be explained by caffeine.
i can also report, whether from caffeine or not, that same phenomena--getting insights but not getting work done. Story of my life.
i am on a different track now. I'm not looking for insights. I've given up on them--at least looking for "the answer" that will solve all my problems. I think i have that answer in God and in the 12 steps. I now focus my attention on my daily recovery. The unglamorous management of my procrastination addiction on a day to day, hour to hour, minute by minute basis.
including not spending too much time here expounding on this. I have to get to my next right thing ;D
Thanks Clement, you're always really helpful and I think you're right about where the answer lies :)
Please do not leave advice. Thank you. Prayers welcome.
I am going to:
brush my teeth, floss, use listerine, brush with a periodontic brush
call Arlene regarding the women's meeting
call DOR and ask for reschedule of appointment, the 24th is a day I have class
get dressed for running
jog 6 minutes, then 1 minute, four times, plus 2 minutes of running
read for one hour
do something fun: either one of karaoke or a movie for 1.5 hours
write an email to edd about the mix-up
write my spiritual activities for the day and yesterday
write a gratitude list
brush hair, put natural wax relaxer in it
There's some sort of police SWAT action about three blocks from my house and the whole neighborhood has been in lockdown since 11 am. That would be distracting enough - but the worst is the police helicopters and now all the news helicopters circling overhead. I'm one of the 30% of people who sense the world primarily through my ears (70% are primarily visual) so this is miserable. And my boss got very impatient with me on something today that I felt was quite unfair. And I pulled an all-nighter to catch up work tasks (my own Gulag method, NOT recommended!) so I am really tired too.
There, I feel better already. Now I need to get present to the next 2 hours worth of challenging conference calls.
Higher Power, please help me (even though I don't deserve it and feel guilty about the work-bingeing). HP I trust you and need your help. Thank you. Amen.
Off topic, but can I just say how much I enjoy the 'HP' thing... here in England HP is a kind of sauce that you have on chips fries chips oh, never mind.
sounds tuf. HP, i concur =)
****hugs**** Rotten situation and you're dealing with it really well - hope it stops soon!
I know it's not funny, but not being there, reading your story of the ultimate "Murphy's Law Experience" for a procrastinator, it just seems too funny to be actually true. I just hope some day soon you can read it and laugh as well. I know HP will help you and you DO DESERVE it. Vic
ok, the minute I read your note I started laughing. And then re-reading e's sig line topped it off! Isn't it great what a little shift in perspective can do for us?
Higher Power, today may I remember to occasionally consider how my life might look on a TV sitcom! :-)
Now you've made me laugh!
I pictured myself on TV... I would never, never be able to stop laughing at this pathetic individual who continuosly messes up with his life just by non-doing.
hmmm... should consider starting a script about it!
What could be the best ending for it?
a) OCz finally ends what he starts and achieves his dreams
b) totally dark ending with character being thrown into procrastinators hell where he continously starts thousand of things and is surrounded by the longest to-do lists! At least that would provide an opportunity to unanonymously meet my PA fellows!
Ja, ja, can't stop laughing, people must think I'm crazy!
I'll keep this image the whole day just to remember the two different outcomes of my life!
You've made my day!
Have a great weekend, have a wonderful life everyone!
I got up on time today, but have struggled to push through things. I am depressed about my lack of belief in my ability to succeed at work. Even simple tasks seem overwhelming. For today I want to acknowledge that even though I don't feel like I have accomplished anything, that I have done some things and continue to putter in the right direction. Most importantly, I think I need to get to an AA meeting.
"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"
your Ramsey quote makes me laugh out loud every time, e. Thanks for spreading that little wry sunshine! And major gratz on your recent recovery landmark - I remember your struggles last year (I'm a triple winner too) - and am so glad to have you back here with us as together "we trudge the road of happy destiny."
I love the quote, too: each time I read it I giggle. The day continued to spiral downward and then I realized I was happy to be feeling low: I wasn't escaping my feelings. As my sister said :ain't recovery a bitch? I am happy to be on that road, even if I take one step forward for every two I take back.
"The world is my classroom, each day is a new lesson, and every person I meet is my teacher" - Craig Harper
Dear God, thank you for all the wonderful things in my life, thank you as well for those not so great things that help me remember about the good ones!
Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get!
form from ss to jcs
walk w pm and dogs
rake front yd
Back in the office today in my newly fixed car. I've been to the gym, read email, checked calendar and made todo list. I'm feeling anxious about some issues with my daughter, but I'll put that out of my mind and concentrate on work while I am here. I'm really excited about one of my projects and happy to be learning this skill set. The rest of my job is not that much fun but it's ok.
First thing to do is work on an issue with Project E and don't let those people suck up too much of my time today. This is their top priority but it is not mine, I have other work that needs to be completed by the end of the year, so I need to keep my eyes on my work goals.
After getting the ball rolling to figure out their problem, I will spend a couple of hours on Project V, and then try to put in an hour each on Project P (the tedious one) and Project O. There should be an hour left at the end of the day for little stuff.
Tonight I need to have a difficult convo with daughter.
OK, let's do it, y'all.
I am asking Higher Power to be an Interpreter of Hearts between you and your daughter tonight.
She wasn't too happy for a period of time but I think we're ok. . .
I want to start handing out and putting up my fliers to start my business. Don't know if I will be able to do this today. Just putting it out there.
Today at work, I must:
-get into the supply room and start clearing it out
-get tabs in state binders
-file all paperwork in binders
-get matching gifts caught up
-figure out flex benefit stuff and submit
-figure out Yoffee prescriptions and submit
-find a p.t
Wishing all of us success today!!
♥"Together we could do, what we could not do alone.♥
So Happy to see you show up. Vic
I feel so beaten up today at work, I just want to call in sick tomorrow, and I'm thinking of it. I know it's wrong and it probably ultimately hurts me for stealing time.
we can all relate. i can. I have not had the greatest week. struggling in recovery. But still in recovery, and still struggling, so i'm grateful.
One day at a time, hope4, ok? postpone that decision til the latest possible moment. I pray god will give you strength, courage, and wisdom.
I did call in...I'll show up Monday...UGH!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action - Walter Anderson
Today is a relatively scheduled day, which makes it easier to avoid procras., but means I need to work hard to be on time.
*Scheduled time on RT machine 12-3
*mtg w/ postdoc candidate
*harambee prep (should be quick) (will work on this soon)
*bible study 8:30-11ish
*11: phone CI and bed
in the cracks between these things I want to prep for mtg w/ postdoc candidate, clean up my lab nb, read a couple of papers (have read 1, will read the other soon) and maybe take care of my mice (have done most of this).
Heading to chatbox now (to read a couple of papers before 10 seminar)
The last several days I've literally been "too busy" to check in, but I've managed to stay focused on my tasks and balance one against the other pretty well. I did have to work until past midnight Tuesday but that was because of a client's urgent need, not because of my own poor time management. Yesterday I was out all day, and when I got home in the afternoon, I moved my weekly task overview/review to wednesday afternoon from this morning because that was really all I was good for then.
Today I do feel the pull of distraction from several sources, so I'm here now to get/stay on task.
MIT#1: Project P-01
MIT#2: Project D-K-2
MIT#3: Project C-L
MIT#4: Project T-M-C
And a number of smaller tasks if I can get to them.
BEGINNING NOW, focus on P-01
Want what you have. Be who you are. Do what you can. ~Forrest Church (1948-2009)
The Hero's Code:
Show Up. Pay Attention. Speak the Truth. Let Go o
Today I am scheduled to conclude one project which will then enable me to conclude four other task and one other major project this week. Next week I can complet a third project and I start on a fourth.
My procrastination is getting milder but I have learned in the last serveral weeks I really get immobilized when in frustration, this is an emotion I have yet to learn to manage successfully.
Show up (done) Made a baby step to "find plan method", will it work???,
The way to succeed is to double your error rate. Thomas J. Watson
After 2 weeks, sent out computer adaptor UPS. Only a miracle from my HP that I was able to find everything, including label, but I did it. Trying to do 1 thing a day. Having no problem at all with doubling my error rate!!
Busy day at the office, but no anxiety :) Feeling good ^_^
x bmed 1
x 8am meds
- 4pm med
Don't feel like doing anything.
x bmed 1
x 8am meds
x 4pm med
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