procrastination and obsession
I'm new to the website, and am immensely glad I discovored it. I am an intense procrastinator, and these past few years I've attempted to get to the bottam of my emotional and spiritual issues in order to figure out what the underlying cause to my procrastination is. It's the usual things that one would imagine. Despite my procrastination I've managed to be fairly successful, but I've always felt empty and I never was able to take advantage of things that a "normal" person in my situation would have, simply because I passed up way too many opportunities through procrastination and laziness. I've been in India for the past year on a fellowship, supposedly doing "research." I had a lot of plans for this year, and as you can imagine, I couldn't put the work into them to make them a reality. For the past 6 months or so I've been trying to work on this research paper and kept telling myself that I would do fun stuff after finishing the paper. Well, the paper hasn't even really started, and it's almost time for me to go.
Because of my procrastination, I was unhappy most of the time this year and missed out on a lot of really great moments. The more and more I procrastinated, the more and more this paper became the object of my obsession, and the more and more I couldn't focus on anything else, and the more and more I couldn't work on the damn paper. I knew 6 months ago this would happen and that I shoud just leave the paper for the last minute, since that is what would inevitably end up happening. My premonitions turned out to be correct, of course.
What I really want is to have a balanced, healthy life. When I'm working on a project, I become totally obsessed with it. It begins to take up all of my mental space. No matter how hard I try, I can't tear myself away from it, despite the fact that I also can not actually WORK on it. I am constantly frustrated, resentful at people who take up my time, and generally just feel awful. This website has helped me to get some work done and gain perspective, hopefully I cant stick with it.