Tuesday 26 May 2009

I am really facing my Procrastination right now. I either want to read that paper I said Iw ould read, or I want to try to order my transcripts right now.  I think I'll start reading the paper, after I brush my teeth, after I finish one more cup of tea.

I feel a littel sidetracked because this parking enforcer came up to me and tried to threaten me with at ticket, b/c I parked my car for unloading purposes in front of my house.  The situation is the following: there is no parking in front of my house allowed and the parking lot is about 1/4 mile away from my house.  So if I have tons of groceries, and six gallons of water, as I normally do each week, I have to basically stop illegally in front of my house and drop off the food, before moving my car.  I don't really have much of a choice, bodywise.  Moreover, I have serious back issues, for which I'm seeking treatment, so it all just seems a bit silly.  Anyways, I'm trying to be cooperative, but as you can tell it's really a difficult situation.  So I asked the parking enforcer ,if I could get an exception for unloading my vehicle from the university parking.  I asked if a note from my doctor about my spinal issues would be sufficient.  And he said that he didn't think it were possible to get an exception, but that I could investigate.  it was just one more disturbing thing for my procrastinatory mind to think about or get distracted by. However, it is in deed a very real issue: I do need to be able to park near my home so that I don't hurt myself carrying groceries.  I have no one to help me carry things, and I certainly don't expect anyone to help me carry groceries from 1/4 mile away, as previously mentioned.  Moreover, I'm definitely not the only one who does this, and the parking person totally saw that I had merely stopped to put my stuff on the curb.

I don't want to pay it more attention than its due.  I would talk to parking, but I feel I almost know what they're going to say "No, absolutely not, not even for unloading.  Sorry."   But I could try.   But the point is, I have seven other people to call tomorrow for far more important reasons.  So...yeah.  I have a lot to think about.  If you only knew---  But I can write a note to call them tomorrow, then decide, if I want to waste my time doing it.  Since I have a whole lot more important stuff to do until then, not including this paper.

So, now the task list:

* cup of tea

* brush teeth, floss, use listerine

* start reading paper, read for one hour

* tomorrow, I will do one very funny thing.

I got started early today and got an important task finished.

Then I took a break to see No. 1 son's last High School tennis match of his lifetime. (And and his doubles partner were horribly mismatched and lost 6-0, 6-1.)

Then I took him and a buddy to lunch, then came home and back to work.

I've been at my desk for 45 minutes or so now but unfocused, mostly just exchanging email w/ Mrs. GS and feeling very distracted

I find myself wanting to just drift off into escapist habits.

The Hero's Code:

Show up. Pay Attention. Speak the Truth. Let Go of the Outcome.

Well, yesterday I did not get the results I had hoped for. I had to deal with an insurance form which had to be sent out by the 25th, but I had put it off, not bothering to see that the 25th was Memorial Day, and therefore the post office was not working. I drove the form over to the insurance office, but was unable to leave it for them. That is what happens when I put things off. Today I will do my best to get the form to them, but will have to take two trains to get there.

I want to out myself on playing solitaire in binges online between tasks. I have mixed emotions about this: it wastes a huge amount of time, but it works to help me get through my anxiety about tasks that freak me out. ie, taxes. I am running out of time, and I am making progress, but I really would like to get the entire thing done today. I would like to find another mechanism to help me with the anxiety, and know that the best alternative is working it through in the chatbox and praying the serenity prayer. However, I sometimes feel that even though though this works for me, I worry about how other people feel when I do that. (a newcomer was in the chatbox when I was doing this once and I have not seen that person since!) Of course, that is my ego talking: I am not responsible for that persons actions or lack thereof, even though I feel that way often. (CoDa anyone...?)

So, for today, I would like to ask my higher power for help in doing the next right thing anyway, even if it feels awkward, even if I don't want to, and for help in letting go of the outcome of my procrastinative behavior. I only have this moment, right now: the past is gone, the future will come, and I can take action in the present.

so. the next right thing is to get up and shower. first I will stretch. and then I will call Mass Health.

asking for help to do the next right thing

Right now I'm going to:
*Start CLR running
*Make a schedule for the week
*Spend 30 min working on combining replicates+genes for neural compendium
*Head to lab and check back in