Wednesday 18 March 2009

I really love this site because I can 1. read 2. write 3. pray 4. abstain from procrastination to the best of my ability 5. practise the steps all in one shot.

That saves so much time for me right there.  I don't have to try to connect with someone by phone nor meeting   with someone that doesn't really understand.

Trust me, I have a loooooooooooooooooooooog way to go but I feel some hope again.

I did get to the store- left after 1 because I could not find car keys, or mail box key (did not get the mail for almost a week because I could not get the key)

The accountant told my husband she was waiting for a receipt from me (I think she may need this web site too). I had it yesterday but could not find it today. I "may" have found it because I found one that did not have the year but I am not sure if that was the one. I was angry with myself because if I would have faxed it to her when I had it yesterday, I would not have had to look today. I feel like I always get 99.8% done and then some how never feel like I really complete things because of things like this. If I don;t find it by tommorrow, I will just fax her the one with no date- she doesn;t even need it- she has the amount. Then I feel apprehensive like somehow, because of this, it will mess up everything.

 It is 8 pm. I need to make up a worksheet for my son and I have not started, He has a algebra quiz tomorrow.

I did not walk, I need to do it 1st thing, or I will not get out there. I was counting on going with my friend and I am not in the routine right now.

I need to be kinder to myself. I am between jobs right now. I have a huge amout of paperwork and decluttering and sorting to do.

I havea bunch of letters to write.

I have a bunch of legal things I need to get going.

I have made progress- I have not shut down. That is a miracle in itself. Someone shared how they used to "run" . Mr too and I didn't "run".

I have the hope that my life can become smoother and I don't spend all my time spinning my wheels trying to keep afloat.

Thank you for letting me share.

Hi Pro Buddies!

Continually re-qualifying for my other programs, the last couple of weeks! ((sigh)) But glad to be here, too! :)

Last week I had my car fixed. However what they fixed didn't last, so I had to take it back in this morning, rather than go to the gym. Or rather, I did go to the gym, but only had enough time to shower and get ready for work.

At work I did various projects. I'm on track, even if kind of distracted by other things. Had lunch with friends. Did a couple more projects from my list in the afternoon.

Picked up my car after work. They didn't charge for labor, since they had not correctly fixed the problem last week.

Arriving at home, I emailed a trusted friend, which helps me sort out things in my head. I've fixed & eaten dinner, so now after doing my CI, I'm ready to begin the evening ;)

I think I'm feeling well enough to do some light housework ;)

Have a great night, everyone! :)

Recycler

Recycler

Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

I hope I am in the correct check in spot.

Right now I am not sure what to do. I did my program basics, helped my son and then my original plan changed. I was supposed to meet a friend to walk, but she called and said she was sick.

So..........

I "feel" like doing nothing, kind of like celebrating for getting through the tax stuff of yesterday.

I wanted to do outside stuff around the house because the weather originally called for sun and warm weather, but it is almost noon and it still looks like rain.

I want to drive to the store and library and swim at the pool, but I need to be home by 3 for the kids and it takes at least 35 min 1 way to get there, at least 1 hr at he gym, at least a couple hrs for other stuff, etc.

If I take a shower now, I know I won't get to the pool, but I will get out to the store and be home by 3.

If I keep going in circles, I won't do anything and it will be 3 before I know it.

I read in one of the book reviews:

Procrastinator's code - unrealistic assumptions that perpetuate delaying.

everything I do should go easily and without effort

there's a right answer and I'll wait till I find it.

I can really relate to the last one right now.

I am grateful that I signed up my son for soccer yesterday without paying a late fee.

I do have to go the store, so the best thing is 1shower, store and do a "check in" then

I am definitely going into the next level if I don't do "something"

"Self-critical, catastrophic and apprehensive thoughts can make it impossible to move beyond the inevitable obstacles of daily living."

Thank you.

Yesterday was not productive according to my to-do list. Thanks for reminders to avoid the guilt trap! Today's MITs:

• DONE! Resynch pda
• PROGRESSED! Nail dates for the remaining Onsites
• NOTHING DONE - AP weekly report
• ON WAY - OA AWOL - (arrive in time to visit awhile)

In addition I would like to make beginnings, however small, on these to-do's:

• AP scrapbook
• sked next AP webinar series
• BEGUN! send my former evals
• write/mail networking notes
• log 9am reminders to call Mom daily
• love-notes to family and friends.

1:15 pm - Added: 20 minute call with Mom, breakfast, 15 minutes meditation, 20 minute talk with J, 20 minute power-walk which I needed to clear my head, shower, 15 minute sponsee crisis call, checking back here.

I notice that as soon as I name something a MIT or a to-do, I become not-present to it, as if just naming it disqualifies it from something I actually need to act on today...what the heck IS that? Demand sensitivity? Maybe what vic shared about our disease telling us it should be easy?  It is really hard for me to stay focused on doing what I've said I would do, when there are so many other things to do than what I named today. uuurgh... 

6:50 pm - NOticing that even though I did not achieve many MITs or to-do's, I feel better for having stayed connected here through the day. Will revisit this idea tomorrow. Hope everyone has a blessed night. Thanks for being here!

Thanks for using the quote and graphics today chickadee, the fellowship here inspires and encourages me daily! (I will  be happy to make a signature or add graphics to a fav scripture or quote, it inspires and gets me going, just wont promise how quick I will finish, lol!)

Praying today is better than last 2 days of lapses - solidarity to keep going! 

Feels so great to get back on the wagon :-) I will learn how to take breaks in balance without feeling guilty or hiding - balance, that is my goal!

Word and prayer for the day again: Matthew 11:28-29 cev 

“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest. Take the yoke I give you. Put it on your shoulders and learn from me. I am gentle and humble, and you will find rest.” 

Music: Crystal Lewis, Lakewood  

My to do list:  MIT… funeral program, lists/planning

Read Bible/PrayDaily CI

dd school

meet about funeral program

design program  -

update email accts

ck bank acct  YAY! Big for me! Led to being able to do 2 more things!

get ready for dentist for dd, pray

dd school 2p

dd dentist   thanks for support and prayers of chatroom, she did better than past visits and I was less overwhelmed by it as well 

planning for week, month, 3 months   baby steps still

complete, papers to F office

email job1 invoice, assemble added invitations

email job2, address corrections

email job3 invoice, schedule, call to follow up (if I have time, or Th at latest)

call A

call CM

call T  (just being aware of boundaries issues, makes dealing with friends easier, grateful and excited to find out more and grow in strength in this area)

church 7p   awesome service tonight, so glad I went!

So, I've pretty much realized that I can't get a thing done if I have the Web signal turned on my cpu. while I made great gains Monday, I had many distractions Tues and got nothing done. None was a bigger distraction than having my Wireless Signal on. I'm going to limit myself to CI's in the morning, and checking my email before I leave for the day.

For today I have:

-med/prayer before beginning
-Neverending T3 report
-Mtg at 2p
-contact A for intrvw

Coming to my computer w/o Internet is like going to the bar w/o having a drink. Hard to do but not impossible. Now shifting to a more positive outlook as this post - after re-reading already has a defeatist tone.

Today is pretty much MUTs, so I won't have much time to procrastinate.

MITs:
*PLAN FOR FINISHING DP'S PROJECT, MICROBURST FINISHING
*Laundry, start packing.

Scheduled: Class 9:30-1 and 3-5:45, Harambee 5:45-8, Harambee planning mtg 8-9.

MUTs:
*Clean bike
*Finish reading paper for class
*Prep for planning mtg

Going to clean my bike now, back around 9:20

Hi pro buddies,

I've always wished I could use this forum while at work.  Finally dawned on me -- d'uh! -- I could check in in the morning before I leave for work, & then again when I get back.

Intentions for today:

• Clear off my desk first thing (while email is loading)
• Review & update my notecards second thing
• Immediately after lunch, review my cards again

Falcon

I need to get real about my problem with procrastiation. this disease is as serious as alcoholicisim and it has real consequences in my life. I cant ignore its ill effects.... part of me wants tp pretend that its not really an "addiction" but just a problem that will go away. I am still very much in DENIAL about my problem.

Wow.  That's an awesome quotation.  I have heard that suicide is a permament solution to a temporary problem, but it's tough wading out the pain.  Thankfully someone was here in the channel this morning to give me some links and I appreciated getting to knowa bout BefriendersWorldwide, it really helps to have some more contacts or people I can call for support.  I want to change, but part of gaining an emotional conception of my problem as temporary is to.... think about one small thing that I can do to help my life or better my situation, that's what the guy on the phone was saying.  He also suggested telling my therapist about how I do not know if I can distinguish reality from fantasy.  And I am going to tell this little thing to my therapist.  I do notice that when I get stressed, I go into one of my other addictions, and part of that addiction is having a fantasy hallucination.  The trouble with fantasy is that I lose touch of reality and hang on or obsess about that which is not important, another form of procrastination.  Hence my entire problem is really about procrastination, but in a way that I never dreamed of: I overwhelm myself.  I overload my brain so that I don't have to take responsibility and don't have to be present at times.  By *present* I mean ... emotionally available to myself.

Wow, just wow.  I am still feeling pretty dismal, but ..  And yet...   I need to think merely of one thing that would make it better, and take small steps.  The guy on the phone recommended doing one thing each day that scares me.  Just going out the door and meeting people and going to work and dealing with and standing up to criticism is scary.  So I feel like I literally do something that scares me everyday as it is.  I know that I don't consider myself worthy of a pat on the back, but I know anyone with half a brain would consider showing up and doing the job or going through the endeavor to be worthy of self-recognition.  I do deserve to recognize myself, even if some of the people in my life (Including my roommate and former qualifiers) have caused me some problems.

I would also like to mention that I notice that in my disease I worry about things that are not my problem.  It's like I worry about just about the only thing that I do *not* need to contend with.  I use fantasy to escape from my present dilemma or situations where I feel overwhelmed or stressed out, or even just isolated.  Isolation is a huge motivator insofar as fantasy is concerned.