Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Reaching Out
After wasting most of my afternoon, I find myself here. I started coming to this site last week after I had a day similar to this one. Sitting around and waiting for the "special moment" to get going on my work again.
My procrastinatin is taking a serious mental toll on me right now. I recently graduated from grad school and miraculously found a job in this economy. But I'm doing nothing to prevent myself from getting let go. Is the job difficult? Sure, but not impossible work. Stuff I'm familiar with at the very least. I now I can do it but I choose not to.
To compound this issue, my wife has recently become pregnant. In preparing for this, I know that we cannot afford to live on just one income. My losing this job would be disastrous for us. But I still don't stop procrastinating.
If this post sounds familiar to you, I am sorry for you too. I suppose that's why people come here. I get empathy and answers to thier problems. I not sure which one I need more right now.
I go through such drastic highs and lows. When I complete something, I am incredibley elated. I am visibly happy. But the opposite is also true. When I screw around and get nothing done I mope around and everyone knows I'm upset. Of course, I can't tell them what's on my mind b/c I risk losing my job, so I come here instead.
I've read many posts and still I feel stuck. I'm obviously depressed but it's only because I haven't worked this afternoon. If I go and get something done after this, I will be good to go...
God, it is so frustrating writing this shit out! I'm sitting here reading this and thinking, "Well, why don't you just go do it then". I wish it were that simple.
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Changes.
"I recently graduated from grad school and miraculously found a job in this economy."
"my wife has recently become pregnant."
Sounds like you had a few changes recently. Sometimes I think we respond oddly to changes... Perhaps that is why you are procrastinating.
How long have you been procrastinating? (if you don't mind me asking)
Here is a page that motivates me.
http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Procrastinating
re: changes
You are correct. I have had some changes take place in my life recently and can understand how that could play into my procrastination. However, my procrastination is something that has never changed. It's something I've always done since I can remember. I'm 29 now and I do believe that I that I can beat this. I just really have to put my mind to it.
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate the link too.
dear dizzle
well your last statement rang out to me -- "Well, why don't you just go do it then" !! That had a very strong emotional response in me. I basically asked myself that question for 35 years. I never got an answer, and i never "did it."
And yet, after 35 years, i have been forced to conclude that i have some kind of disease. We call it an addictive personality. Something that is extremely deep rooted and resistant to change, even after desperate attempts over the last 35 years to change it. That's just what it is.
This realization for me, that indeed i am, somehow, different from others, having an addictive personality while most people dont, has really helped me.
For example, along with my "well why dont you just do it" has been the reverse logic: "if you haven't done it, then you probably really didnt want to do it." Now i can at least grant myself that what appeared to me all the time to be a genuine desire to change, really was that. I can give myself credit for really, truly wanting to change.
Another reverse logic: "if you haven't changed, then you really didnt try that hard." Even tho i felt like i had. Well now that i accept that i have this deep rooted personality trait, i can allow myself to believe that i HAVE tried very hard over the years, it's just that monster i'm trying to fight has been stronger.
I needed to find extra weapons, tools, and find the monster's vulnerable points. That's what this fellowsihp has done for me.
All that said, i have to admit that there is still a voice in the back of my head saying these things. What's changed is that that voice is not constant, and not that loud, and thus easy to ignore. I marvel, tho, that after all this time and progress i've made, that it's still there. I wonder why that is?
I also want to tell you that i have had MANY, MANY set backs. I am doing so much better than at any time in my life, and yet, today, i spent 3 hrs online at various sites when i should have been working. Accepting failure and moving on has been a huge benefit for me. Letting go of my failures and trying again still feels like the wrong thing to do. I feel like i'm getting away with something. But, for me, i have faith that it's the right thing to do, i feel like god wants me to do it. My good friends here encourage me to do it and i see the example of them doing it successfully. So even tho i feels so uncomfortable, i do it.
Wow, i didnt think i had so much to write when i began. I guess your post triggered a lot of stuff in me. I do hope and pray that you can find some of it useful, or anyway that somehow you will find what you need here, or elsewhere.
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the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
ups and downs
Congratulations on your completion of grad school! That alone is an incredible step in your life. Now you have a new job, with its own stresses and personalities. And a baby on the way. Wow, you do have alot on your plate! I think you are doing great....you exercise, and so probably eat correctly. And you go to work everyday. Now....remember, one foot in front of the other, small steps at a time. Pause and take a breath, congradulate yourself on what you have just accomplished, and then take another step.
Your new life that is taking shape may be overwhelming, but it is not insurmountable, by any means...just take those small steps....and go home and hug your wife, she may be feeling the same as you.
Keep posting, Dizzle, let us know your todo lists, and how you feel....share your triumphs and failures with us!
Isabo
Nothing is worth more than this day - Goethe
Re: Ups!
Isabo,
Thank you very much for your kind words. What you had to say really resonated with me. I do realize that I have a lot on my plate and that to accomplish things I need to take small steps, which lead to accomplishing bigger goals.
Honestly, it's never been a problem with me in undestanding HOW to address my procrastination. I've nailed down the reasons I do it (self-esteem mostly). What I've always had a problem with is my ability to follow my own advice!...Or the great advice coming from places like this website.
Actually, I think staying connected to this group, through posting on forums and, perhaps in the futre, participating in meetings (online and otherwise) is going to help me stay committed to bettering myself and coming out of this procrastination coma.
I feel good today b/c I got something done that I screwed off on yesterday. Now it's all about starting that other thing I didn't get to either... Here's to right now!