New Member Intro
I am desperate to stop my self-defeating behavior and glad to have found this site. I have been looking for something similar for quite awhile, but have not been able to find an active group other than with a paid coach.
I am outwardly successful - I have a PhD and work as a scientist, married with 3 children. But what I have acheived has been sooo painful - doing things at the last minute and only when the pain of not doing them was excruciating. I am very analytical and what I do makes absolutely no sense to me, but reading other posts here - wow, can I identify with them.
I used to be so conscientious that it was painful, always competing to be the best at things in a very obsessive way, but as I have grown older (I am in my 40s), the things that I have to do are no longer rewarding, creative activities but boring stuff with long deadlines. At work, I am very good at the creative stuff but really, really procrastinate on paperwork and it has hurt me.
And once I get behind, the pain of catching up is really more than I can bear. Procrastinating is temporarily more soothing than getting it done, so I do everything but what would make me the happiest in the long run.
I want to get rid of the pain I cause myself and be a person that can be counted on again. Please help me as I take on these habits that are destroying me.