New Member Intro
I am desperate to stop my self-defeating behavior and glad to have found this site. I have been looking for something similar for quite awhile, but have not been able to find an active group other than with a paid coach.
I am outwardly successful - I have a PhD and work as a scientist, married with 3 children. But what I have acheived has been sooo painful - doing things at the last minute and only when the pain of not doing them was excruciating. I am very analytical and what I do makes absolutely no sense to me, but reading other posts here - wow, can I identify with them.
I used to be so conscientious that it was painful, always competing to be the best at things in a very obsessive way, but as I have grown older (I am in my 40s), the things that I have to do are no longer rewarding, creative activities but boring stuff with long deadlines. At work, I am very good at the creative stuff but really, really procrastinate on paperwork and it has hurt me.
And once I get behind, the pain of catching up is really more than I can bear. Procrastinating is temporarily more soothing than getting it done, so I do everything but what would make me the happiest in the long run.
I want to get rid of the pain I cause myself and be a person that can be counted on again. Please help me as I take on these habits that are destroying me.
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LittleWonder said "Most people would think that this was ridiculous, and now that I am writing it down it does seem very silly and small to have just opened envelopes and put the mail inside into slots, but it was a huge obstacle for me."
Maybe most people wouldn't understand, but we do! Welcome and keep posting. You'll find it really does help.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot
thank you all :)
For some reason, I feel better already. Hope, I guess, and some of the ideas that I've read just this morning. I thought about the micro-burst idea, and ended up doing something major in less than an hour. I had put up an ugly mail sorting drawer thing a couple of years ago, and today I got it out, cleaned it, relabeled it and put it back out. It is unattractive, but the ugliness is nothing compared to seeing vast mountains of mail.
Of course this doesn't make me deal with it, but it is a great first step and I did much better when I used this before. I have found I need structural and behavioral tricks, and even though the behavioral stuff is much harder, I can't do it without the structural.
I asked myself "what would make me really happy at the end of the day to have accomplished?", I visualized myself doing it, and went farther than I thought I could. I actually OPENED the mail. I didn't look at it all, but any bill more than 2 months old went in the trash - I know they have not forgotten about me and I will have a more recent one. Everything else was opened and put in the appropriate slot. The pile of dread - the "action" pile - has now gone from a foot tall to an inch thick and I can see that without wanting to die.
Most people would think that this was ridiculous, and now that I am writing it down it does seem very silly and small to have just opened envelopes and put the mail inside into slots, but it was a huge obstacle for me.
Tomorrow I am going to clean off the steps to my study - I find I avoid taking stuff up and working here because the steps are full of things to be put up and dealt with. I am so grateful to have a study and sewing room of my own, and they really should be my sanctuary but I have let them opress me. I am taking the day off tomorrow and going to accomplish something that makes me happy. I will start the day tomorrow with a checkin.
Thank you all for being here - you really have given me hope. I am looking forward to reading how you are doing through the steps forward and the inevitable setbacks.
Great progress yesterday. Small steps no matter how small no matter in what direction move you closer to your goal. Set you sights on your goal and keeping moving reflect on your progress on you will be amazed at how much you can accomplish and even better how good it will make you feel. Have a great day.
Welcome and congrats!
Congratulations, LittleWonder! Reducing a foot-tall pile to manageable chunks is an amazing accomplishment. I'm so glad you've gotten some inspiration from this site, and I've gotten some just from reading what you did today! It's always great to hear that others are struggling and succeeding against the same foes I'm fighting.
Looking forward to seeing you around the forums and chatbox. :)
keep coming back! :)
Hi Little Wonder!
We're glad you are here! :) Keep coming back! :)
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
Welcome and Glad you are here.
I am sure that you will find what you need here at this site. It has so many wonderful resources and tools and the people are just great. So "jump right in" and begin your recovery process.
As I read your post I could feel your pain because I have been there. I can not say that every day is great but I will say since I have been here at this site my life feels more meaningful and focused. I hope that you can say the same in the up and coming weeks look forward to seeing you here and good luck.
Happy New Year
You are in luck to have stumbled upon this site: many of us find recovery here, one day at a time, sometimes in 5 minute bursts of willingness to get things done. It has been a wonderful place for me to learn how to reframe how I think about myself: I am learning to stop chastising myself for my failures and celebrate my little successes, which really do add up to getting things done.
There are so many great resources here, but for me the chatbox and checkins are most important. The chatbox is the place I head for when I am totally unwilling to work. There is also a weekly 12 step meetng in the chatbox on Sundays which I love when I can get to it. Finally, as with all such programs, take what you like and leave the rest.
Keep coming back!
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." - William Penn