New member intro
Hi Abel here.
I have been a procrastinator for as long as I can remember. I remember struggling with homework since grade 4. It was the bane of my existence.
I was always told I was bright, and put into advanced classes. I always did well at things at the beginning but it would always eventually degrade to a kind of bland mediocrity and everyone around me (parents, teachers, etc) would be disappointed. I tried various sports and the result was similar.
I studied computers in university, and barely scraped by with a degree. In fact I failed many courses and was on the brink of getting the boot but got by with the bare minimum of credits. It took me five years, I floundered along the entire time. It was truly hell.
I became a programmer and that is what I have been doing. My work performance has been mediocre. I've always been operating at a level where I am sometimes threatened with being fired but manage to stay on somehow. But being a mediocre performer doesn't get you much respect, so I'm often subjected to veiled verbal abuse by bosses (and I can't blame them), and eventually quit. I guess you can call it an indirect form of firing. I've been through a number of jobs. I am currently working as a freelance contractor. Things are the same. Projects take forever to get done so I can't bill on time, I'm constantly struggling to pay the bills.
I have always found it difficult to concentrate. The internet makes it all much MUCH worse.
There seems to be something deep inside of me that just loses motivation. I've never been very driven or ambitious but certainly don't want to sink into poverty either.
As for other aspects of my life, I am actually a pretty cheerful outgoing guy. I am socially adept and have always had a lot of friends. I've been happily married for nearly 10 years.
However my work/acheivement story is a depressing one. In a capitalist society it affects greatly one's quality of life, and I feel like I'm sinking into the working poor because of my work habits.