I attend University in Canada and I've haven't gone to my classes in THREE DAYS. So, I'm really mad at myself. I've been a procrastinator most of my life, probably since Grade One or Grade Two (age 6 or 7). I would just arrive to school late, skip and avoid work. It's crazy to think how I'm even in University with my bad school record. But here I am, and I used to think it was because I didn't care enough or knew what I wanted to do in life to really dedicate myself but now that I know for sure what I want to do with my life, I'm still procrastinating. Still arriving late, still skipping, still avoiding work.
From Junior High to High School, my teachers didn't take my tardiness too well. A science teacher used to ridicule me every time I arrived late to his class. Since then I'm always aware of how a teacher reacts when I arrive to class late. When I sense they don't like it, I don't arrive late anymore... I just don't show up. This way I don't have to see their faces when I walk in late and they don't have to show their displeasure with me. I'll only show up if I know I'll arrive early or on time but if I know I'll be late, I don't go at all.
I also don't make friends easily. I have a hard time knowing what to do in social situations so it's hard being so far from home, from my family, and from my friends. I haven't been to school in three days and I spent those days being on the internet, watching TV, reading my textbooks once in awhile, and phoning up friends at my hometown. I miss having someone to hang out with. I used to spend everyday with my best friend but she's not here, and I'm not there, so I have no one to hang out with.
I just don't know what to do. I told myself yesterday I would wake up and go to class. I woke up 30 minutes late and by the time I was ready to leave it was 9:15 and my class already started. If I left then I would be in class by 9:35. I just didn't want to see my professor look at me while I walked in late especially since I've missed 4 classes already. I didn't want to face him so I didn't go.
I guess I'm just not used to doing things for myself. I have a big family. I have a lot of uncles and aunts, so whenever my parents were away on business, an auntie or an uncle would watch us. My aunts and my uncles took care of all the cooking and cleaning. My parents paid for everything, bought us whatever we asked for, drove us wherever we needed to go, and made all our appointments. My siblings and I were never punished either if we did something wrong but we didn't run wild either. We just lived.
Now that I'm in University I don't relate to other students. While my classmates are struggling through school already I'm doing more than fine. My parents are taking care of everything. I live in a spacious one bedroom apartment by myself that has full amenities. I don't have to worry about rent, bills, food, nothing. While some students can only afford to fly home during holidays (Christmas time) I've already flown home three times already to see my family. I don't have any worries whatsoever so I'm able to focus solely on school. Except I'm not. My procrastination is getting really bad and I'm so mad at myself.
I finally know what I want to do with my life. All I have to do is finish school and get over my problems, but it's really hard. I've made a start though. I have an Essay due in four days that I've been putting off for weeks and I've only yesterday started on it. I also started reading my books, taking notes, and preparing myself for Final Exams next month.
I just wanted to say all this, lol. It just feels good to tell this to someone, anyone. Have a good day everyone!