Hi I'm Rita
and I'm a compulsive procrastinator. I'm also active in three 12-Step recovery programs as an alcoholic (27 years sober), compulsive eater (10 years) and living with another's alcoholism (20 years). I admit I am powerless over my lifelong addiction to procrastination and demand resistance, and that my life has become unmanageable...again.
Although it has been over a year since I first found this website, I am just getting around to learning how it works and using it as a resource. I use a computer and Internet extensively for work and for stupic timewasting stuff, but I have avoided chatrooms and interactive websites largely because I know my tendency to communicate compulsively as a way to procrastinate. So I'm not very smart about how to post online, and I ask your forgiveness in advance if I post things in the wrong place(s) or anything.
It is very embarrassing to admit my powerlessness over my procrastination. I've been living the 12 Steps and sponsoring others to do so, for more than 2 decades. You'd think I would have it down by now! But though I've made progress in some areas (going to bed most nights, getting places on time more often), I continue to be haunted by feelings of resignation and defeat. In fact, some days these thoughts are downright tormenting. I will be 56 years old this summer and have not accomplished half of what I should have done with my life. I was full of potential that I never lived up to. And now I worry that it's too late.
Sometimes I cry alot, but usually I just waste more time, accomplishing small unimportant tasks and avoiding the big ones. For example, I am self-employed and have not billed my clients since February. But my living room has a new throw rug, and the cat litter is very clean.
Even writing this, I feel beset by shame and hurry-up/get-it-right anxieties. I want to absorb and apply immediately everything that is on this site!! And these feelings are making me think about erasing everything I've written, canceling the post, and going to get something to eat...
Anything but that darn billing.
How do I start working this PA recovery program?