New
Hello. I just registered on this site today after sitting in my office all day doing everything BUT my paperwork. I just can't seem to start...I've procrastinated to the point of exhaustion , and now it's time to go home...I'm really tired from not doing anything I should and everything I shouldn't and I still have to go grocery shopping and pick up supplies for work tomorrow (and go home and pretend I was productive...ugh). Sometimes I feel like it takes every ouce of energy I have just to not stare into space...I'm super anxious...about to jump out of my skin. Anxiety and guilt...I know it would all be better if I'd just start and stay on task. It's not like I've never done it before, but it never fails; I fall right back into the same pattern of letting things build up again. I've been like this all my life: sometimes really productive, producing excellent quality work, then falling behind again. I wonder if I can ever be consistent. There are so many things I want to do.
Anyway, thanks for providing me with a place to rant. I've always thought that one day I'd pull it all together and develop healthy habits, but I'm discouraged. What stops me from doing EASY stuff? Don't mean to sound like a complete screw up...most people have no idea how much this affects me.
I haven't looked around the site that much today (too nervous), but I'd appreciate all the help I can get.
MK
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Tiring, isn't it?
Hi MK,
I'm new to the site, too, and finding it very helpful. I recommend taking a few deep breaths, then reading some of the articles here. You also might like to try bookending (see the bookending section in the forum.)
Isn't it weird how tiring NOT getting things done is? I've had that same experience of being exhausted after a day of doing nothing productive. For me I think the fatigue comes from the tension of fighting myself - part of me wanting to engage in the activities of my life, and part of me resisting that tooth and nail. The constant inner conflict can be really wearing.
Be gentle to yourself, know that you're not alone, and take care,
Falcon
Battle with the self
Thanks for your very thoughtful reply, Falcon. Yes, I agree with you; the exhaustion is from the anxiety produced from the inner conflict. When I resist doing what I'm afraid of doing, it eventually wears me out. It's always so much easier (in hindsight) to face the tasks than it is to resist them. Thanks for your advice--I'll think about bookending; I think a big part of my procrastination problem (and my immediate reaction to bookending) is fear of being trapped by a schedule. I'm afraid of being a hampster on a wheel, filling my time with to-do lists. Not that I think I don't need them, but If I'm too rigid, I'll start to feel hopeless and I'll never stick to it.
Anyway, I'm doing much better today. I tried to stay on task and focused all day yesterday, and I did a good job, so I feel much better. Here's to a fresh start. Good luck to you. You be gentle with yourself as well. I suspect a lot of our issues stem from not being so nice to ourselves for a long time. Take care. :) MK