Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Sore losing is linked to perfectionism?

The last 4 days, I've started to play some online games again. Initially, I intended to play only for a little while, and to try enjoy playing again just for playing sake, rather than for winning's sake. I couldn't do it. I kept losing. The frustration of it all continually built up inside me and I had this relentless need to keep playing until I relieve the frustration. I have yet to do so. It has consumed nearly all my time for the last 4 days. Tonight, It has culminated in an emotional breakdown - I sobbed uncontrollably for a while and right this very moment, I feel hopeless and helpless. I'm tempted to use the word depressed.

I have this incessant need to always win. Another way you could look at it is that I absolutely hate losing or being bad at something, like this online game. Even though I keep telling myself that it's only a game, I can't stop myself from feeling incredibly frustrated when I lose. And I feel as though I can't stop playing until I win.

For some people, in some cases, this could be seen as a good thing - determination. But instead, for me, it has only contributed to my plight. I woke up this morning and just felt this angry urge to play this online game - no, I mean to WIN at this online game. Its like I'm stuck and I can't move forward until I've won. And since I haven't won, my life has again been throw into chaos. I'm short-tempered again, eating unhealthily again, avoiding people and can't keep track of time. I guess you could call it time bingeing.

I realte this need to win/hate to lose to my perfectionism. Its clear to me that, being a perfectionist, I can't let it go until I am the best (or at least very good) at this game. Even though I know this, I'm still stuck on this feeling and I can't seem to get past it.

I feel so hopeless right now. I don't know what to do. I keep telling myself to just let it go - its just an online game. It means nothing to you. But whilst i keep saying that to myself, it does mean something to me; clearly it does! It brings up so much emotion, emotion that I cannot control that it has to be more than a game to me in my heart/mind.

Basically though, now that i'm stuck in this rut, I'm incredibly scared that I'll stay here for a long time again. This week has just flown by for me - just like when I used to procrastinate.

Does anybody have any good advice?

Step back and ask why

Clearly, winning this online game means a lot to you.  So why does it mean so much?  Really, sit down and think hard about it.  It's easy to label this feeling as perfectionism, but there may be more there. 

Then again, there may not.  It does sound like your perfectionism is getting the upper hand in this situation, so the only way to break the cycle may be to stop playing the game -- or find somewhere else where you can win and keep that voice in your head quiet.

What methods are you using to try to overcome your perfectionism?