I'm new, introduction
I am most certainly a chronic procrastinator.
I'd spent a long time, all through my high school and college years up until this point trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Why I acted the way I did , regardless of the direness of the circumstances and/or the importance of the task that needed doing. It was never that I didn't understand the consequences it was always that I could rationalize any thing to myself (ex: "Now isn't the best time I should do it later" and then it never gets done). The few counselors I've seen over the years haven't given me much in the way of answers, one helped quite a bit with getting over some of my shyness but that's about it.
I wandered by accident across this site a few days ago. I was happy to find something, somewhere, that finally described almost perfectly what I've been dealing with (I can identify strongly with 8 of the signs). For years I've been disappointing myself my parents and my friends and whenever I've tried to explain to them what's going on with me they couldn't accept what I was saying, that I could have this much lack of control over things. I know how irrational it all is, and I suppose that's what makes it hard for other people to connect to the idea of it.
I am so tired of it, of screwing up everything and disappointing everyone. I'm finishing up my sophomore year in college right now, and I've barely kept my head above water here, even though I'm smart and I don't go out partying, I screw up doing all the long term work and assignments and that kills me. Yet again I've let my work get behind and pile up on me, things have been turned in late or not at all. I was put on academic probation after my semester in the fall, and the way things are going I expect I'll have to take a year off suspended because of a low GPA. Even with all that weighing on my head I'm still procrastinating.
From this point forward I'll be working to changing the best I can, I have to.
Thanks for listening,