Monday March 29, 2021

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I'm rather starving. I remember my resolution to not have caffeine after 5pm, and I'm not liking it, cuz I really don't know how to be productive without caffeine.  And I don't personally have any problem with it, it's just that I notice I did not sleep, when i drank it, and I want to wake up by 9am to go jogging.  So I guess caffeine is going to win today, since work and chores are keeping me alive, and I'm the only one who is going to pay my rent. It's literally down to me.  I will however make sure to brush and floss before bed.   Also, going to exercise, too.  I do still need to return that Amazon item, which requires me to walk.  I honestly do not care what anti-caffeine people think about caffeine, it works most of the time without any side effects for me.  That's good enough for me, but drinking caffeine too late conflicts with my wanting to be a runner, which means that I want to wake up in the morning at a certain hour.  But not today apparently.  On second thought, maybe I can do some decaffeinated tea, so that I can still practice the behavior of making myself a cuppa, but then only drink herbal tea.  It's just that quitting sugar and caffeine has been hard on me.  Old habits die hard. I still get cravings for chocolate ice cream. I am going to make myself a sandwich.

I scheduled an appointment with the therapist.  Not sure if he's the best for me. I'm kind of worried, he may not like that I'm trans, as most therapists appear to have a problem with it.  And there are only two trans-affirming therapists in this county, both of which are full, both of which do not take insurance and charge 300 USD per hour.

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Back after making myself a sandwich.  Good move.  Spoke with therapist.  Sounds like he did not get my voicemail in which I talked about trans identity, so I only got to tell him briefly on the phone that I preferred they/them pronouns.  He replied, "I will do my best to respect that."  Not sure what the bleep that means.  I would've said, "Okay," if someone said that to me.  His reply made it sound like he would be erroring right and left and I'd need to explain to him how I'm actually trans.  Well, I will when the time comes.  Going to brush my teeth, since I did floss last night.  I feel really great about finally updating my insurance, and finally booking a rental car so I can check out those cars.  Other items are: cardio video, walking, work for the day.

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(7:35pm)

I so much want to look at media, but that's not what I'm doing today, I am doing my exercise and working, b/c I am a smart and industrious engineer, who is worth the money I earn.  I'm thinking I may need to go back to just setting a timeframe during which I don't look at media, like until 7:30pm.

Good news: I've been doing decaffeinated tea, so I'll be able sleep tonight. 

Already did morning pages, prayed/meditated, small in-bed exercise routine, brushed teeth, 1 round of leg exercises while brushing teeth, made my 9am appointment (slightly late (7 minutes)), walked dog, bought books for brother's birthday and wrote message in card, got daughter to write in card also.

• parcel up present and take to post office      done
• finalise details of meet-up/volunteering commitment      done
• get to a meeting     done
• do exercises - back yoga as I'm paying for it       turned the viseo on, then paused it....
• ring friends
• wash hair
• call  vets try and get appointment/video consultation poss?
• get back to writing committedly - have some damn aspiration!!!
• juice/healthy eating      ate fairly healthily...
• do AW tasks and complete week 3 at last!!!
• consider what I might manage as artist date or artist-brain exercise
• update as needed.

really didn't do too well. Switched on the TV far too early, which is clearly not helping my procrastination.