Procrastination as lack of commitment
The past few days it has occurred to me that my procrastination seems closely related to or resulting from a lack of commitment. When I was a young teen, I set a goal to go to a particularly competitive college. I got the application form as a freshman in high school and then developed a detailed, ambitious plan for high school that was designed to get me accepted into this college. I executed the plan pretty much flawlessly. It was highly motivating to me (e.g., when I didn't feel like studying for an exam, I would say to myself something like - I have to study b/c I have to get an A b/c I have to get straight A's b/c I want to get into college x, and then, I would study). The plan worked & I got into college x. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to come up with a new goal, and for that reason & others, I was miserable. And ever since (for 30 years), I've felt that it was, sort of, a mistake to go to college x (though in all honesty, I probably would've been as miserable no matter where I was at that time in my life).
Pretty much ever since, I've lacked commitment and have had a procrastination problem that waxes and wanes. I am currently ambivalent about work (mostly I think I should close my law practice, though sometimes I think I should change my practice area; I think I want to start a new business, yet I've done little to accomplish that & continue to consider "getting a job"), ambivalent about money (mostly I want more, but some part of me still feels/believes money is bad -- maybe this is why I'm in the midst of bankruptcy!), ambivalent about my life partner (who I've been with for 11 years but am not married to), ambivalent about our apartment (want to leave but can't get it together to go), and on and on.
Today, I made a commitment to bill 8 hours. It is challenging to do that, and I had to really be focused, but I did it. This bolsters my belief in this reframing that procrastination, for me, is a problem with lack of commitment.
I am curious as to whether this view of procrastination as related to lack of commitment/ambivalence resonates with anyone else. Thanks for reading!