Post-thesis 2013 Achievement and Self-Development Log

1 pomodoro each on saturday and sunday.

3rd February - Struggling on Monday with work and no sugar diet. I was working from home because I was not well. Did two pomodoros so far. Had a mars bar in my hand and I looked it for real long before throwing it away. I usually turn to chcoolate or something sweet when I am anxious. I was trying to delay the gratification for 5mts and then i decided to bin it. The root problem is the anxiety of not having finished any pomodoros so that I can add up to 9.

 I can do a few more but i'll probably have to scratch off today from the list of successful days. I dont think I can do 7 more. But i really should do a few more, the point is not to get 9 each day, the point is to become a better person and learning to move forward no matter what, even when things dont turn out the way I would have liked it to be.  

 Update: I only did 2 pomdoros. Today is a new day. 

11 pomodoros. I had a meeting to go to at 6pm and I was really happy that I got in 10pomodoros by the time I had to leave. Feels quite alien to me. 

 I need to constantly be reminded that its best to get the pomodoros done as early as possible and as effective as possible so that you can have time off at the end of the day. You deserve it. There needs to be some reward for discipline. Dont cheat yourself out of that.

 Today, my proposal and draft chapters go to the publisher. It will be 2 days late. But I decided yesterday that I was not going to stay up trying to finish it and screw up my next day. I will just wake up on time and do what I have to do. I felt proud of myself for walking away and deciding to do it during the day. It's late not so much because of procrastination, but because of time estimation.

Usually as I slide past deadlines, I would be enveloped by dread and procrastinate on it more and it would be days and weeks late sometimes. This time I had to remind myself that my focus, my aim is to keep putting in those 9/10 pomdoroos a day. Other deadlines are incidental. I owe it more to myself to build a habit than worry about deadlines. 

9 pomodoros  - i only had 7 by the end of the day but I forced myself to do 2 more (or rather I wanted to) so that I could checkin for the day at the minimum of 9.

Reminder to self, click timer before sitting down at the chair to do work. If there is any admin/personal stuff to do early on, also use the timer for that so that the activity can be closed after 25mts max. But it's best to leave that for a break in the arvo and  get started on work right away.  

Only 3 pomodoros  That means I have lost my streak of successful days. This day felt very familiar. It was what kept happening to me during my PhD when I felt paralysed. I kept obsessively pushing away the fact that I needed to work by surfing the internet. 

What was different about this day was that I had a deadline coming up and also having to do deal something that I (felt that I) was not equipped to deal with. In my head, i was starting a new task that I was unfamiliar with and so to escape the sense of uncomfort of dealing with the unfamiliar, I turned to the familiar and that which can (temporarily) console. As I surfed the internet, my stress levels rose and which meant I found it harder to get back to my task.

How to deal with it in the future:

1. Realise that the more you do it, the more entrenched it becomes.

2. Realise that the only thing which will make me feel better, is to start on working on the smallest thing, one at a time. Choose to make yourself feel better!

3. Realise that the unfamiliar becomes manageable once you start doing a little bit of it. I have noticed this over and over during my PhD and I have to fully understand this.

4. Realise that it is not the deadline that you are working on, but yourself. As long as I keep moving forward, I am succeeding. If I freeze because of a deadline, it does not help anyone. And I will have to do it eventually anyway. Because noone else will. Forget the deadline and work incrementally according to a step by step plan and allocated pomodoros. 

5. If I fail (at beating procrastination) and if I can learn something from that failure, I am still succeeding.  

6. You need lots of self-compassion and a whole lot of bravery. When things don't go away, do you curl up and wait to die or do you fight your way out into the light? 

21 January - 9 pomodoros

22 January (off day with family) - 1 pomodoro

January 18 (sat)- 4 pomodoros

January 19 (sun) - 1 pomodoros 

Met weekend target of at least 1 pomodoro each day so as to continue with pomodoro streak. 

January 16 - 10 pomodoros

January 17 - 12 pomodoros - I had to put in a job application due at 5pm so I ended up working more efficiently than most days. Once I handed in, I noticed the same lethargy that happens open finishing something at the least minute. 

However, I was really stoked about finishing it before the deadline time. I had gotten so used to sliding past deadlines over the past few years, I have to slowly retrain myself to finish on time and respect deadlines for what they are, and then eventually get it done well in advance of deadlines.

Procrastination is not a joke. It screws up everything, even your head. Got to get better, faster, stronger.  

9 pomodoros.

So I had a long end of the year break. I am back now.

I installed an countdown app widget on my phone to the date when I turn 36. And I have a 1580 days left. Í was imagining what it would be like to know that I had only 4 plus years left on this planet. And it occured to me that I would probably live with more urgency, life more fully and be a more considerate and enlightened person. Somehow we walk around in this delusion that we will live forever. Our mortality is concealed in this world where death is relegated to the funeral homes and old folks put out of sight. We worship youth and life, while hiding any signs of aging and death. I am trying to bring it to the fore of my consciousness and live while being aware of the imminence of death.

 Last year was good in the sense that quite a few landmark events happened. But this year, day by day, is when I can turn things around more. I have signed up for Zen Habits seachange program which focusses on changing one behaviour every month for 12months. It also comes with accountability teams of 7 people and a structured program. I hope this will be one of the highlights of my year. The 1st month is centred on mindfulness.

Prior to starting the program fully, in order to gain confidence in habit formation (as advised by Leo Babauta in the program), I have made a simple commitment to checking my evernote everyday (while brushing teeth, which will act as the trigger) and determining my tasks for the day.   Even if I don't do my tasks, I still committ ot checking and determining it.

Other changes that I have been working on are 1. Waking up at 7.30am, 2. Meditating, 3. No Sugar 4. No videos. - These are all things I have been trying to do in recent days and weeks, so I will try not to make a big deal of it and just leave it humming in the background (so that I dont get overwhelmed by so many supposed changes).

So for now, it is about checking evernote and then following the monthly program on Zen Habits. Month 2 is on Unprocrastination, so I am looking forward to that and I hope to consoldiate my 4 hour a day work schedule during February.

P.S. Happy New Year to anyone who might have stumbled into this post! 

Only 1 hour - I did 1 hour and then the next pomodoro, I got caught reading up about publishing instead of doing the writing. After that I had lunch and had to take the car to be serviced. I did not get back to my work. 

I told myself beforehand that I was prepared to fail. That if I fail to meet the 4 hours on any day, I wont beat myself up about it and just start again the next day. Failure happens. Failure is not me.  

So I am back again here. I am serious this time. I was thinking about it and came to the conclusion that if I can get 4 hours of work done each day without any distractions for a month, it would be a great building block upon which I can build my future.

1. I will log here on all working days regardless of whether I get anything done or not. The point is to continue a winning streak of 4 hours for as many working days as possible (except holidays). Since I had quite a long unproductive period, I want to make sure there is a steady progress. So even if I accomplish 4 hours, I will try and not exceed that time, so that I can build confidence in my ability, rather than do over the limit and then go up and down without any consistency.

After a month, I will increase my workload.

2. I have also implemented the Getting Things Done system using Evernote. I will tweak it and start utilising it fully over this period to get all the clutter from out of my head and into the organised system.

3. I have started trying to get up early everyday at 7.30am for the past 10 days or so and meditating twice a day. It's only hard when I dont sleep early. I believe this habit is really good as it brings some certainty and routine to my life which would otherwise be all over the place. I will continue with this routine as I think it will be really useful to turn my life around.

Ok, Update:

I finished 2 hours of writing work and 2 hours of job searching. I felt like I should go on for more, but I made myself stop. I just need to do the same thing again the next time. Now I will go and read a book and watch some cricket.