Intro to me

Who am I, and how did I end up here! Hi eveyone. I'm D'Lee from GA. I procrastinate about everything. I didn't used to when I had a full time job, kids at home, and a life, but the kids are grown and gone, and I'm now on disability - and have been for the past 3 years.

I would like to start my own business, because this <cough> "SSI income" is going to have me out on the street if I can't find a way to make a decent liviing. My problem that I keep running into walls of my own making.

I'm a runner when things get too emotionally draining, and I experiment with stuff I know better than to mess with, with no thought of what I'm doing until I've had time to cool off. The last time time that happened, I ended up getting involved in taking hard drugs. It was a stupid thing to keep doing, and I knew it. I got clean of those when I became disabled, and no, they aren't the reason I'm disabled, but I'll hold off on that sob story for now. (It's a physical thing I was born with.)

I've been learning how to make jewelry, and I would really like to sell my stuff, but every time I make something, I either see a mistake and beat myself up - and destroy the piece - or I get a compliment and offers for a sale, and refuse because - and here's my thinking - "You can't be serious!" Is that fear of success?

I once had someone grab my arm while I was standing in a check-out line, and ask where I'd bought the bracelet I was wearing. When I said I'd made it, the guy offered to buy it right there, as a gift for his wife. I couldn't do it, because it was not "the best" that I could do.

At one point, I had a small jewelry counter that I'd rented in a local shop, and I quit supplying it because the store owner didn't want me taking any old stuff out (which made no sense to me, because she certainly didn't do much in the way of pushing sales!) Anyhow, I'm back to square one on that, but no motivation to do anything more than just goof around with the material. So depressing.

And then, there is today --  Today was horrible! :(( I had the bejezzus scared out of me because of my procrastination. I'm in a wheelchair, and I have a little raised bed (4'x4') for growing strawberries next to my ramp. I let the weeds take over because it's hard for me to get to the back side of it (GREAT excuse there!) Well, in the middle of pulling bird netting off the strawberries, a black racer, which had gotten caught in the netting, almost bit me ::jawdrop:: It did manage to scrape a finger, and break skin, and just about gave me a heart attack! Just thanking my God that it wasn't poisonous since there are water mocasains around here. The bed will be removed once winter gets here and things die back to the ground. My garden on the other side of the ramp (also in containers so I can reach things) died because I wouldn't go out and tend to it - I had made some great plans with that, but who wants to go out in 100 degree weather!

I am so very, very good at making excuses.

I've also got an unfinished pattern I've been working on for the past month, and it's still taking up space. Store-bought patterns do not fit right out of the package - MUCH to my chagrin! :-? I'm now having to learn how to make my own patterns instead of just sewing, and that's really ticked me off. It's just one more project that has become a "Should," instead of being the want it was when I bought it.

I need some help, or a buddy, or something to get me moving to finishing what I start. Filling the calendar and blocking out time on a daily planner is not working. I waste a lot of time on Facebook, and I did download an add on to block it and all the other time wasting sites I stay on all week long, for 8 hours a day so I can try to get some positive changes made.