This is my first time posting. I joined over a year ago but then put off coming here...what a surprise. -_-
I have a bit of experience in another 12 step fellowship, but what I've always had a problem with is procrastination. I've had this problem since I was a kid. At school, even though most years I had at least one study hall or free period per day, I could almost never bring myself to do work during them. I would get home, watch tv, eat dinner and then when the clock was really starting to tick, I would start my work.
Fast forward to now, I'm 31 years old and self-employed. I took a year off work to go to grad school two years ago. I made it through successfully, but I know I could have done a lot better if I hadn't been P-ing everywhere, lol. Right after I finished school my father called to yell at me about how I needed to be making money and get a job and bla bla bla. That sucked because I had just worked so hard to finish. Two weeks after that phone conversation he committed suicide. That was just over a year ago. During the past year a lot has happened, but a lot of nothing has also happened. I got married and went traveling for four months. I cried a lot and fought with my mother. I'm not currently speaking to her and I feel like crap about it. The thing that seems to remain constant is my procrastination, always my procrastination. I can't shake it. I feel like I am intelligent and talented. I'm not a social butterfly but I do ok chatting to people when I need to and am a good saleswoman. I have been fortunate enough to have been trained by some of the best in my field. Yet....getting started just seems so hard. I feel like the years are starting to slip away. My self-esteem is virtually non-existant, mainly because of this.
Yesterday I managed to go to a meeting in a town a few hours away to learn about some necessary things for my business. So now today it feels like since I had an ok day yesterday, it's now ok for me to be a complete disaster today. So far all I've done today is exercise, eat, and play on the internet. I've been awake since 9 and it's nearly 5 pm. This is so sad. I really want to change.
Hope that message wasn't too long or inappropriate at all. I'm not sure what the rules are! Anyways I am going to learn a bit more today about the group and hopefully I will be joining in on phone meetings and posting to the check-in boards daily.
Thanks for letting me share.