Hi I'm DN,
I was relieved to find such a place exists. Here's my story.
I'm a chronic procrastinator, I feel a sense of fear and anxiety doing even the smallest things. I've postponed cleaning my place, showering, brushing my teeth etc. because it feels difficult to do anything. This problem has become life crippling. I usually start my day with a positive to do attitude, I tell myself "when I get to work i'm just going to start working until i'm finished" but like clock work I sit down and browse news articles online and I watch in terror as my pile of work grows. I've ignored things at work for months, I have orders that should have been filled weeks and weeks ago. My life starts to feel like the movie groundhog's day, everyday is the same as the last. So many times I've told myself" when I get home i'm going to..." and i'm excited to get things done but then I get home and it's the same as usual. First i'll smoke some pot, then play a video game, and then look at porn, and the cycle starts all over. I know the pot doesn't help but I think I just use it as a way to escape, so if it wasn't pot it would be t.v. or something else.
The most frustrating thing is I know it's a problem and I see myself doing it and I hate the way it makes me feel but I do it anyway. If that's not an addiction I don't know what is. Needless to say all of this makes me apprehensive getting into a relationship. I meet people that have accomplished amazing things and i'm embarassed that I haven't achieved anything because my procrastination and fear keeps me from doing anything. This problem creats a feeling of self loathing.
Ultimately I know it's up to me to keep up with things. It's just that the temptation to be lazy is so overwhelming.
Thanks for reading.
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Because of procrastination
Because of procrastination in personal hygiene, my teeth are so bad I'm worried the next time I go to the dentist (next week) they'll tell me it's not worth fixing and that I should get false teeth. I hate that I've allowed this problem to get so bad.
tracy-la check in friday may 6
Reading for the day:
Make yourself feel good.
It's our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves
feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is
about creating a good life for ourselves.
We don't have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going
to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending
time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each
have our list. If we don't, we're now free to explore, experiment, and
develop that list.
When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.
Let's stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.
Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good
feeling for me. If I'm uncertain about what I like, I will experiment
with one behavior today.
From The Language of Letting Go
Have a fabulous Friday,
Hello DN. Just letting you
Hello DN. Just letting you know that you're not alone on the bit about procrastinating on showering (and other getting-started-with-day) things. My favourite is how I'll sometimes procrastinate on going to bed.